


Ashes Of Her Soul - Delphi Diggory

by i_grace3



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Cursed Child - Thorne & Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Voldemort Wins, Cursed Child, Death Eaters, F/F, F/M, Harry Potter - Freeform, LGBTQ Character, Ministry of Magic, Order of the Phoenix (Harry Potter), Original Character(s), Slow Burn, dark au, i know my writing sucks, massive trigger warning, please appreciate this its taken me a year and a half so far, this has sucked my sanity from me, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-17
Updated: 2021-02-26
Packaged: 2021-02-26 20:40:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Underage
Chapters: 53
Words: 70,128
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21684991
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/i_grace3/pseuds/i_grace3
Summary: Voldemort won at the Battle of Hogwarts. Harry Potter is dead. The wizarding world has changed, morphed into one of darkness.Delphi has never agreed with her father's laws and treatment of those who carry non magic blood. She has been hurt countless times, silenced and fighting internally for years.One day everything collapses entirely. Delphi runs away and is challenged by her ever deteriorating mental state. Being alone may be one thing but there's one more challenge. Staying alive.-TRIGGER WARNING-Includes topics such as suicide, depression, self harm and homophobia. If you are easily triggered by such topics, please be advised before reading.
Relationships: Delphi (Harry Potter) & Original Female Character(s)
Comments: 3
Kudos: 15





	1. Prolouge

_**April 2012** _

_I stand facing Brina, my wand poised. Tears blur my already disoriented view and my breathing is shaky. "I can't do this!" I cry out._

_Brina inhales deeply as Professor Hawke paces over, his long black robes flowing behind him like a demon._

_"What did you say Lestrange?" He grabs my collar and yanks me towards him._

_"I said I can't do it." I gulp "Not on Brina."_

_"Well, everyone else has managed to do it without a fuss!"_

_"I clench my jaw. I can't do it on her. I can't. I just can't. I'd never forgive myself. Having to see Brina in the most dreadful pain and knowing that I was causing the agony she is in. Hawke drops me and turns me back towards Brina and then adjusting my grip on my wand. Guilt makes my stomach flip but the anger and hatred I have inside is building up. I can feel it, a hot flush on the back of my neck. That is how I know I am about to burst._

_But I have to. I have to do it._

_"Crucio!" I scream. Brina drops to the ground, writhing on the floor, screaming, sobbing, flinching in agony. I can't watch it. I feel the pain myself. The pain of knowing it is me doing this to her. I can't hold it any longer. I break the spell, wiping tears from my eyes and Staring down at Brina. She looks up at me, terror plastered on her pale face._

_"I'm sorry..." I whisper to her._

_"You had no choice..."_


	2. Graduation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> July 2016 - age 18

It is the day of my Hogwarts graduation. It should be special, it should be a day of celebration of the end of seven years of learning and friendship, well to most anyway. But to me it is the end of seven years of torment, pain and loneliness. But it is also life or death.  
If I do not pass, my father will kill me. And he will do it without hesitation. And seeing as I am already a disappointment to him, he probably won’t even remember my name.

My mother has come. I am surprised yet not. She only visits me if I’ve stepped out of line or if she’s bored and fancies a good torturing. Apart from that I don’t see her. But I’m not shocked that she is here, she’s probably waiting for the moment where she can watch the jet of green light hit me squarely between the chest that will be the end of the failure of her daughter.

The rest of the seventh years and I stand lined up at the back of the hall in our celebratory robes. These consist of the other girls and I in emerald green, satin blouses with the dark mark embroided onto the right sleeve and a rib crushing, black, leather corset. It is pulled so tight I am struggling to breathe and I’m beginning to feel light headed. We also wear a black pencil skirt with a pair of black tights and our well polished shoes. Everyone has their laces tied to perfection, except me. I never tie my laces, they always end up dragging through the mud then dragging said mud across the dorm floor. Our dark cloaks sit round our shoulders, green silk on the inside shines in the occasional beam of sunlight emerging through the foggy windows.

Professor Umbridge plods in, her pink robes swaying and a wicked smile plastered on her toad like face. We salute as she reaches the front of the hall, stood on the platform only making her a few inches taller than she actually is. 

Today we either graduate from Hogwarts and become servents to my father, or we are stripped of our wizarding rights and status. How we graduate is inhumane. 

We must kill a muggleborn. Kill an innocent civilian who had no control over what their families blood consists of. I have never agreed with my father’s ways and the world we live in. The discrimination, the pain, the suffering, the inequality. This is wrong. It is disgusting. But I must keep my views silent unless I want to become silent in my grave.

The ceremony begins. The girl next to me is called to the front by Umbridge, Morrigan Gray. She goes pale for a moment but regains her colour and then walks confidently to the front of the hall, her wand out and ready. Two Death Eaters emerge from the side entrance to the hall and grasp a panic ridden middle aged man. “Please… Don’t do this.” He sobs to Morrigan. 

There is a pause as Morrigan prepares herself. She plants her feet onto the polished wooden floor and then shouts “AVADA KEDAVERA!”

There is a flash of green light and a thump as the man drops dead on the floor. The hall fills with a respectable applause as Morrigan shakes hands with Umbridge and then my mother. She salutes them and walks to the right of the hall.

I stare over at my mother who has her eyes fixed on me. I gulp and break away from her stare and look down towards my feet. Name after name is called, green flashes follow by a thump continue. I flinch at each of them. 

My heart beats faster and faster, tears beginning to prick at my eyes. I look up again at Bellatrix, she is still staring at me, the family disappointment.

“Delphini Lestrange.” 

My heart skips a beat and my stomach begins to churn. I walk towards the platform, still feeling the presence of my mother’s glare. I pull out my wand as a boy is taken to the front of the platform. He’s no older than thirteen. I feel guilt already. I can’t do it. I can’t kill him, he’s too young. But I glance to my right and mother is watching me like a hawk.

Poising my wand, I stare into the boy’s hazel eyes which are red with tears. He looks into mine. He can tell I don’t want to do it today but knows I have to. My hand shakes as I raise my wand, channeling all my inner strength, my anger, my pain from my entire life. The hairs on the back of my neck rising, beads of sweat appearing on my forehead. 

And then I shout the curse.

A jet of green light hits the boy on the chest and he collapses to the floor. I freeze for a moment and see the light from his eyes has gone. It takes all of the energy I have left to hold back my tears and my urge to scream. But I walk over towards Umbridge, shake her podgy hand and then turn to my mother. She shakes my hand firmly before she grabs my wrist and pulls me visciously towards her and whispers in my ear “I didn’t think you had it in you.”

I salute the two and walk shakily to the wall where the other graduates are leant up against. My mind continues to replay what just happened. But at the same time I am glad to be out of this place for good. 

But I’ve just killed. And I feel the twang of guilt knowing that I did it just so I could live and instead have his life taken away. But knowing this world, even if I didn’t kill him, he would’ve been killed anyway. 

And then my mind begins to drown in my thoughts. Maybe I am no better than my parents. Maybe I am just like them. 

But I’m not. I was forced. I cannot blame myself. But then again, I still do…


	3. We're all human in the end

February 2006 - age 8

I tread lightly down the dim corridor towards the library, my shoulders hunched over. I’ve never liked walking down these halls, you don’t know what’s round the next corner. Empty space? Or a dead body? 

A few men in billowing black cloaks push past me, a fierce look plastered on each of their faces. It isn’t unusual to see my father’s followers in the house. I can barely walk from one room to another without seeing at least one. I must admit they scare me. Their faces always seem to have the same merciless look ion their eyes. Half of them were broken out of Azkaban so no wonder they look hollow and insane. A lot of them have a strong, square build, towering above me with their long, flowing black robes covering them from head to toe. They never speak to me. Well, not very often anyway as my parents see me as a disappointment. But when they do speak to me, it’s always with a softer tone. Perhaps because I am young, fragile even, but I’m not stupid. I know what goes on behind their cloaks, behind the doors of the ministry, where they do not want me to see. 

I go to turn the corner towards the library. But then I stop dead in my tracks as I hear a scream from the side. One of those screams that makes the hair on the back of your neck stand on end, your heart stop and then resume but at three times the speed it was, your blood running cold, curdling inside your body. 

Turning, I face back down the hallway to hear muttering emerge from the grand room a few meters down to my left.

I can hear my father’s voice, cold and cruel. And then my mother in her taunting, singsong voice to whichever poor soul has become stuck in their web. I tread slowly as silent as possible towards the doors, just about able to see through the gap between them. There are my parents, my father holding a young woman up by her neck. I feel my heart pounding in my chest as the woman flails to get away from his grip. 

I can’t hear much but I do catch mother spit “You filthy mudblood!” seconds before a bright jet of green flashes from inside the room and the woman falls stone dead onto the floor. My stomach flips, my vision turning foggy as I fall against the door with a solid thud, sending a crash into the room.

I pull myself up in panic and stare back through the doors where my father is pacing towards. I scramble away and sprint down the corridor back to my room and locking the door behind me. 

I sink down to the floor, tears pricking at my eyes. She didn’t have to die, she didn’t. There was no reason. But society disagrees because anyone who doesn’t have pure, unspoiled wizarding blood is considered worthless. But we’re all human in the end.

Is that not enough?


	4. Your father awaits us

October 2016 - Age 18

I stare at myself emptily in the mirror. I am wearing my work robes which father insists on me wearing today. He wants me to attend a meeting along with some high-ranking Death Eaters. Si I must obey and wear the emerald blouse with the black skirt with a simple green hemming. I secure my cloak over the top. It’s cold for October, frost has begun to cover the grass outside and leaves on the ever-dying trees, creating a delicate white outline on the rich orange and brown leaves that cling to the branches. 

I sigh deeply as I turn to pull my boots on, not tying the laces once again and pull down my sleeves on my shirt to cover my scar ridden arms. It's a coping mechanism. It helps me release some of the pain within me, helps me to feel something. No one has seen them. And it will remain that way. It’s been my coping mechanism for five odd years now. I’ve tried to stop multiple times, especially during the scorching summers. I refused to take my jumper off and on the very hottest days I would wear a long-sleeved shirt. So not only did I have to deal with sunstroke, I dealt with people begging me to cool off. But I refused. My scars are private, and privacy is valuable to me.

Turning towards the door, I take my wand from the side and walk into the hall where mother waits to my surprise.   
“What took you so long!” She scalds as I flinch away.  
“I was um- “I mutter, trying to form the words.  
“Speak up girl!”  
“I couldn’t find my blouse, that’s all…”  
“There’s something called a summoning charm for a reason. Would you like me to demonstrate?” She taunts.  
“No mother.”  
“And tie those bloody laces up!”  
I crouch down, attempting to so my laces but my hands shake so violently I struggle to even pull them tight. Eventually I get there and I stand back up, trembling.  
“Let’s go then. Your father’s waiting and you know how he hates people to be late…” She lifts my chin up and I stare into her insane eyes, gulping. 

****

I walk reluctantly behind Mother who grabs my wrist and pulls me forward forcefully. “Keep up you stupid girl.”  
“My name is Delphi by the way.” I mutter to myself, sarcasm seeping through. Mother picks up on it and glares at me.   
“I don’t like your attitude…” She stops and pulls her wand out. I clench my jaw tightly as she lifts my chin with it.  
“And I don’t like the fact you haven’t called me by my name for nearly two years.”  
And then mother pushes me violently against the wall, her face inches from mine. I stare into her dark hollow eyes, breathing deeply and labouredly panic setting through my body. She digs her wand into my chin hard.  
“You seriously need to learn some respect!” She screams at me. My courage to stand up to her has built slightly. I’m sick of being treated like this. I have been my entire life.  
“I can’t recall the last time you showed me any.” I grit my teeth. “If you don’t respect me then I won’t respect you. Simple. I’m your DAUGHTER for God’s sake yet you treat me like UTTER CRAP.”   
Mother pauses as grip relaxes and she turns from me, sighing. “We’ll settle this later Delphini…”  
I can sense her sarcasm, yet I still smirk to myself, keeping my head low and a few paces behind her. I shove my hands in my pockets and stare down at my feet as we walk towards the meeting room. Where my father awaits. My stomach flips at the thought of seeing him and his eyes. Those eyes that pierce your soul with utter wickedness. They terrify me to the very core.  
“Delphi? Is everything okay?”   
I freeze. “Brina, what are you doing here?” I mutter to myself.  
“You seem worried. What’s the matter?”  
“I’m having a meeting with Father…”  
“It’ll be fine okay? Trust me. What’s the worst that can happen?”  
“He kills me?” And then it goes quiet again. “Oh bloody hell…” I curse under my breath. “Just kill me now. It would be better for everyone.”

I quicken my walk until we stop outside a large black, glossy door with the dark mark carved into it. Mother pushes it open and walks in confidently. I follow behind her, my heart pounding, pushing anxiety through to every inch of my body. Mother salutes my father and I do so as well before staring down at my feet again.  
“Bellatrix!” I hear my father’s cold voice from the end of the room. “And Delphini!”   
My heart jumps and I continue to look away before my mother forces my head up. “What did we talk about just now?” She whispers in my ear harshly. I look ahead and see Father striding towards us, his snake like eyes fixated on me. He reaches me and once again, I salute and then bow, taking my hands out my pockets.  
“How are you these days? I hardly see you.” He speaks quietly, somewhat gently. There is something not right. I can feel it. He is speaking softly. And he’s asked how I am. He has never in my whole life. Not once.  
“Could be worse.” I mumble, keeping my chin up, sensing the others in the room, their faces pinned on me.  
“How’s the girl?”  
“Who?” I question. But I know who exactly he is talking about.  
“Oh- what was her name? Brina Evettes wasn’t it?”  
“What about Brina Evettes concerns you?”  
“How is she?”  
“Stone dead.” I blink back tears. How dare he. How dare he torment me about her. He was the one who killed her. And now he thinks he has the right to taunt me about her.  
“You and- Brina. What was your relation?”  
“We were- friends- in school…” I can see where he is going. I can tell just by how interested he is. I move my left hand to my wand under my cloak, preparing to grab it if this is going where I think it is.  
“No, no, no. You had something more. I’ve never seen something quite like it. You were- how do you describe- more than friends.”  
“Brina is dead. And that is all you need to know”  
“Oh, no… You see, there were rumours of you and the girl, for one, refusing to participate in the practise of dark magic and also- “He pauses, taking out his wand. “and being in a relationship. And I hope that second one isn’t true.”  
I take a step back, my father training his wand onto me.  
“You and the girl were in love.”  
“Yes. We were. And what about that matters?”  
“Because I seem to recall that homosexuality is punishable by death…”  
My heart now throbs in my ears, fear and adrenaline accelerating through my now trembling body.  
“But- I’ll show you mercy instead.”  
“Showing my mercy would be killing me right now. I’ve wanted death for years, but did you care? No.” I shout. “I’ve been alone, with near to nobody, not even a proper father figure. I saw you once, ONCE between when I was seven and began Hogwarts.”  
“What difference would it have made if I saw you every day? Nothing. You’d still be stood here, your father the one to harm you.”  
“I don’t think you even deserve to be called- “

But I am interrupted by my father yelling and the pain of the torture curse sent through me like a bolt of lightning. My knees buckle beneath me and I collapse to the floor, rifling in pain. I have felt this curse countless times, but this is by far the worst I’ve ever felt it. The pain is indescribable, other than the feeling of burning, stinging and stabbing across every inch of my agonised body. If my mental pain was physical, this would be it. This is agony. This is my father’s anger. Crying out, my screams of agony fill the hall. “FATHER! FATHER STOP! PLEASE!” I yell out, catching his cruel laughter over my hysterical screaming and sobbing. Any drop of strength has been drained, sucked from my body and just like that, the curse stops. I still remain trembling on the floor.

“Next time, I will show no mercy. You are not my daughter. You are worthless to me. Dead to me.” 

I catch the sound of his footsteps fading towards the door and the room emptying. And so I am left, sobbing, shaking, on the cold stone floor, alone with my thoughts. Thoughts that overwhelm my head, drown out any more sound from the real world.

My father will pay for this. For everything. He is the reason Brina is dead. He is the reason for my weakness. But I am also the reason. Because I do not stand my ground. I let others mould and shape me through torment and torture. I am unloved. I am alone. I do not deserve anything.

But for Brina’s sake, I must keep pushing. For Brina, I will kill my father.

And for my own sake.


	5. The start of it

July 2011 – Age 13

Mother shoves me hard into her study and slams the door behind her. “Sit.” She kicks a chair over towards me. I oblige and walk over, my legs trembling beneath me. Mother remains standing as she paces around me, picking up a piece of parchment from the desk.  
“What do you call this?” She says quietly. I stay silent. “ANSWER ME, GIRL!”  
I flinch, blinking back tears. “My end of year results.”  
“Which you FAILED.” She screams, her face inches from mine, yet I dare not look at her. “Would you care to explain what happened? I thought you’d at least pass POTIONS!?”  
“I was ill, remember?!” I scream at her. “I was sent home for two months! How do you expect me to catch up on two months of work in four days?”  
“You were not raised to be a slacker! You were raised to become a leader! And one day take your father’s place!”  
“It’s not my fault I got PNUEMONIA! I can’t control if I’m ill or not! Why are you blaming me when I had no control!?”  
“Did you not hear what I just said? I did not raise you to be a slacker.”  
“You hardly raised me. You only came to see me if you got bored and fancied a torturing. I was SCARED of you! That’s not how it works! You aren’t meant to be afraid of your own mother.”  
“You are the daughter of the dark lord. You shall not be scared. If only you had passed those exams, then your father might have some hope in you.”  
I freeze, my mother on the other hand smirks. “And before you ask, I lost all hope for you a long time ago…”  
“Do you even care about me?” I laugh scornfully.  
“Take a guess.”  
But before I do anything, I feel a sharp sting across my face and I flinch away again as mother strikes me round the face before she walks out, again, slamming the door behind her. Only this time more angrily.

She doesn’t care. No-one cares. Not my parents, not anyone but Brina. But not as much as I thought. We’ve drifted since I was ill. I got one letter in the time I was ill. And I was a week or so from full recovery. I waited almost two months, alone in a bed all day, every day for an envelope. But by that point I had decided she didn’t care. And now no-one else does. I’m just here for no reason. I am a burden to my family, a mistake, a burden to my best friend.

I stand up out the chair, my knees about to buckle beneath me but I cling onto the desk and make my way round to the draws. I look up and make sure I am most definitely alone before I fumble round frantically through the draws. And then I grasp round the leather handle of Mother’s knife. I take it out and run my fingers down the cool metal that shines in the dim light. I exhale shakily as I go to pull up my sleeve. But then I pause, putting the knife back into the draw, slamming it shut. 

I go to walk out the room, my fingers poised above the handle before I whirl back around and grab the knife back out the draw and tuck it up my sleeve. I then make my way hastily down the hallway and back to my room, wiping the beads of tears from my eyes. I throw open the door and unlock the draw to my bedside table. I take out a pile of books and ink pots before placing the knife within my music box, then replacing the books and pots. I push the draw shut once again, locking it, threading the key onto an old chain and slip it into my pocket.


	6. Stay alive, challenge accepted

November 2016 – Age 18

Over the past few days, I have begun to piece together a plan as to how I am going to kill my father. It is definitely not as simple as I hoped it would be, but it should work. Before I even attempt to kill Voldemort, I must kill his snake, Nagini, beforehand. Neville Longbottom was killed moments before he was about to kill Nagini, according to the history books. Harry Potter was killed as Voldemort still had one horcrux remaining. 

I cannot kill this snake at the moment. I am too vulnerable, especially as I am still here, on my father’s radar. That is why I must disappear, off the map. I must vanish until it is safer for me to complete the first part of this plan. But I must vanish for months. It’s November currently and I cannot return until April earliest. That is when it is safest. Admittedly, any time of year in this place is dangerous. There are always death eaters prowling the corridors but during April, it is almost empty. Everyone is caught up with preparations for Voldemort day at the ministry. This is my prime opportunity to sneak back in before the next part; Travelling to London and finding a place to stay for the few days remaining before the third part. This just happens to be the tricky part. And also the part where I have to get into the ministry of magic on V-day, the day where it will be packed with people and Death Eaters. And then the final part: Killing my father, in-front of the wizarding world. And after that, I do not know where I will go, or even if I survive that long. Anything could happen. Most likely I’ll get arrested for murder, but who knows…

“Delphi? What are you doing?” 

I pause, dropping my notebook onto the floor. It’s Brina. “I’m running away.”  
“Why?”  
“Because I’m going to kill my father.”  
“When?”  
“Voldemort day. In-front of this god-damn world.”  
“You’re insane, on V-day? The busiest day of the year?”  
“You think I don’t know that?” I chuckle a little.  
“Just please tell me you have a plan, unlike when you tried to skip the Blood Ball in fourth year and instead- “  
“-Bill Tanner found us reciting 19th century poetry on the tables-”   
“-drunk on fire whiskey in the Ravenclaw dormitory.”  
We both laugh.  
“I miss you…”  
“I know. I do too…”  
And then she leaves, silence returning. My chest sinks and returns to the empty pit it was. 

This is for Brina. This is for anyone who has suffered because of my father’s prejudice. This is for my sanity.  
***  
My bag, a decent sized, brown, canvas satchel, lies open on my bed. A spare set of clothes is strewn in a pile next to it topped with the only photo I have of Brina and I plus her pocket-watch. I have just come back from the pantry and I drop the days-worth of food onto my bed. It consists of a cereal bar, a soup packet and a small salad pot. I managed to grab an empty flask down there as well and I filled it with water as I don’t know where or when I’ll next be able to get drinkable water. I begin to stuff everything into my bag. I’m more or less taking the bare minimum; a spare set of clothes, a blanket, toothbrush etcetera and a few other small things. Finally, I scrape up whatever money I can find, both wizarding and muggle, tuck my wand into the left side of my jeans. Always the left, never the right. I’m a leftie so it’s much easier to get it out quickly if it’s on my left side. 

I pull on my boots, grab my cream coloured trench coat from the back of my chair, pull it over me with my jacket already underneath. But it’s abnormally cold for November. My jacket is usually enough to keep me warm but not at the moment. I take my bag from my bed, swinging it over my shoulder and head towards the door. 

But I freeze as I take hold of the handle. I then spin back around and pace towards my bedside table. I unlock the draw and take my mother’s knife from within it. The blade glints in the warm evening light streaming through my window. Then I cast a charm round it, so it doesn’t damage anything in my bag. I feel a twang of guilt inside me, but I know if I left it here, I’d regret it. I’d resort to something worse than a blade. 

Turning back to the door, I get distracted yet again by the reflection in my mirror. I stare into my eyes which gaze back emptily, a desolate void of nothing. This wreck of an eighteen-year-old stands numb to the very bone, staring back at me hopeless. I tighten my ponytail, the fringe type part still covering the right side of my forehead. It just formed over time from the baby hairs at the top of my forehead. I don’t know what to do with it so I usually leave it as it is, not that I have the will to do anything about it. 

Biting my lip, my stomach churns. I’m scared. But not terrified. I’ll be alone. But I’m used to it. My parents never cared for me; Rebecca I haven’t seen for weeks. And Brina, I lost her almost three years ago. But she’s still in me, in my head, her voice helping me to push through my pain. All I ever wanted was to be listened to, have my small voice heard, letting others know what I believe. And if I hope if I do find the rebels, I will be listened to, treated fairly, have some value in this stupid world. 

I wrote a note to my parents a day or so ago to leave behind when I go. I left it on my dresser for them to find. 

I’ve left. And I’m not coming back. You bought this upon yourselves. You put me through years of torment, abuse and pain. Mentally and physically. I hope if you somehow find my body one day, you will realise what you have done, realise that you caused this. You killed your own daughter (If you even consider me that anymore). You destroyed my mind; you burnt my soul. Now all that remains is the ashes. The ashes of my soul.   
And for Brina’s sake: Father, you will die. And I will be the one to kill you.  
Delphini, you’re not-so-beloved ‘daughter’

And at that point, I take one final look around. All the pain and hurt comes flooding back, reminding me of how worthless I am. I am leaving to be alone. Away from the torment of my family and the rest of society.

I hold back my tears. I’m not sure what to feel, hurt or freedom. I am about to leave my parents and be free (ish). But on the other hand, how long will I last with this ever-deteriorating mental state? It’s crumbing more and more each day. Staying alive is going to be difficult. Very difficult…


	7. 'the rebellious daughter of mouldy voldy'

December – 2012 – Age 14

I sit on my own in the library, a book open, in-front of me but instead of staring at it, I stare blankly out the window. I’ve felt numb but felt too much this past week. It doesn’t make sense that I feel empty, but I feel overwhelmed at the same time. I really shouldn’t, it’s Christmas after all. I should be looking forward to three weeks of no lessons, pressure and stress. But apparently not; I’ve been a mess in lessons and out. I’ve hidden myself in the dorm after class but during, I sit at the back on tipping point. Even the smallest things set me off. I’d shout at someone for literally asking me a question or if I got pushed in the hallway. I’ve put most of it down to fear that I’d have to spend the holidays at home with my parents. Even Rebecca won’t be there as she goes to her parents over Christmas most years. I’d be alone, unsafe. I’d lock myself in my room and refuse to come out. I’d probably forget to even eat, and I’d end up starving. Thankfully, I’m staying here for the next three weeks. And Brina’s family have let her stay as well.

Outside, the snow falls softly onto the ground, covering the hills in a blanket of white. It’s pretty. I’ve always liked the snow. It makes everything quiet, silent almost. And snowball fights are always fun I guess except if you get hit in the face. And then that’s definitely not as fun. Your face stings, your eyes water, it feels hot when it’s actually freezing cold. It’s a strange sensation. We hardly ever had white Christmases at home but as the school is high enough, we manage a good covering. 

I close my book, sliding it back onto the shelf and taking my jacket off the back of the chair. I begin wandering back to the dorm, the halls empty of students and teachers. There’s only a handful of teachers seeing as there’s only about ten of us. The Ravenclaw dorm empty except me and Brina and the Slytherin dorm is deserted entirely. It’s strange the school being this quiet. Usually there’s a load of first years running down the middle of the hall, third years screaming at each-other and the occasional fourth year duel. The upper year groups just sit back and watch, usually laughing at the petty third year fistfights. I mind my own business and try to get where I need to go quickly without getting involved with anything, although that doesn’t really happen most of the time.

I arrive at the common room and wander up the stairs to the dorm. I push open the door to a silent room. I chuckle to myself. “Brina, you here?”  
“Yeah one sec!” She calls from the bathroom where she walks out in her pyjamas and hanging the towel over the rail in front of the fire.   
“How was your study session?” She smiles at me.  
“I gave up. Again.” I laugh.   
“You’ve never been one who could study.”  
“No, I just can’t absorb anything. It’s weird.”  
“Hmm. I mean, potions content is never ending and there’s no way someone could remember that much for one exam.”  
“I thought you could. You memorised an entire astronomy essay the other day!”  
“Astronomy yes, potions- hell no.”  
“You’d have to be like that muggle guy Einstein or something to be able to memorise the entire potions course.”  
“Probably. Unless you’re a super-human as well.”  
“You want a butter beer?” I ask, pulling my trunk out from below my bed.  
“Go on then.”  
I unlatch it and pull it open, rummaging round the stacks of books and clothes. “Hid them in in my gloves with a shrinking charm coming back from Hogsmeade so Filch didn’t confiscate them.”  
“Oh Delphi’s a rebel!” Brina raises her eyebrows.  
“Nah, everyone does it. Filch is just too blind to notice.”  
“He’s ancient though, what is he, like ninety-six now?”  
“Probably.” I laugh, chucking a bottle at Brina and she catches it swiftly. I lie back on the bed and Brina settles herself, lying back next to me, popping the cap off the bottle.   
“Here’s to us, the rebellious daughter of mouldy voldy and the walking astronomy essay.”


	8. That feeling, alive

November 2016 – Age 18

I pace quickly down the hallway, clutching the strap on my bag and attempting to steady my irregular breathing. I push everything out of my mind, or at least I make some sort of pathetic attempt to. I’m leaving. For good. I don’t have to come back to this hell hole for the next five months. And then after that, never again. I get to leave the torment of my parents, the ever -growing fear of being tortured and hurt, physically, verbally and mentally. I reach the doors at last, a smile creeping onto my face. I pull them open with force and the evening light floods inside. I stand in the doorway, taking in the November air, a cool wind streaking through my hair and I inhale deeply. It smells of freedom. If freedom had a smell, that is.

I step outside, slamming the door behind me. I laugh and begin to run, feeling the wind rip across my face and through my hair. I feel liberty as the adrenaline races through my entire body, head to toe. The manor gets further and further away as I now sprint down the driveway, away from the place of pain, of torment, of hate. Gravel crunches beneath my feet as my lungs fill with the pure, clean autumn air. This is freedom. I laugh out and cheer loudly, pure joy filled within it. 

I turn around, now running backwards. “Ha! How did not raising your daughter turn out, Bellatrix?” I shout, a huge smile plastered across my face for a change. “Well FUCK BOTH OF YOU, you shit-ass parents!” I cheer to myself as I turn back around. "SCREW YOU MOULDY VOLDY!"

I squeal with laughter, feeling nothing pure joy, adrenaline and liberty within me. My heart pounds within my chest, pushing the thrill through me. The end of the drive nears quickly, the two columns in sight. I push myself to run faster. I feel alive. More alive than I have felt for my entire life. And soon enough, I pass through them. I’m out. I’m away from that place. It feels like I’ve just been freed from a life sentence. I’ve been let out into the world to take my chance. My chance to live. Although I don’t know how long I will have left to live.

I slow to a walk, still feeling my heart thump in my chest as if it is about to burst. I breathe heavily and quickly as I feel my legs tremble with adrenaline and exhaustion. I collapse to the floor and lie flat out on the grass opposite the driveway for a moment, letting my body recover and my heartbeat slow a little. I pull myself up after a few minutes and continue to walk down the road and into the forest.

You might ask, ‘Delphi, why don’t you just apparate?’. Well, the thing is I wasn’t offered tuition at Hogwarts and the only way I could would be to get it from the Ministry. And if I went there, I’d probably be arrested. Plus I can’t apparate without getting splinched. Rebecca tried to get me doing it after my sixth year as that was when she was taught and I got my elbow splinched. It wasn’t pretty. Let’s just say that shirt was never white again. So, I must walk. I like walking though; it clears my head. I do walk fast for my little 5’4 self. I didn’t inherit the tall genes but at least I didn’t inherit my mother’s wild, raven black hair. I somehow have dark, dirty blonde whilst both my parents have black hair. However, Aunt Narcissa has blonde so mother must carry a blonde gene somewhere…

I check Brina’s pocket watch. Five pm. I can walk for a few more hours and then rest. I just need to get as far away from the manor as possible. I slip in back into my pocket and feel the three uniform scratches on the back of the watch. Three years without Brina. Each year without her I add another scratch. It’s nearly four years now. My heart sinks at the thought of this and the empty feeling returns to me.

I just feel so- alone. No-one knows where I am, where I am going or even who I am. I have to shut myself away and put on this mask everyday so that people will think I’m happy, I’m pleased with life, I am proud to call myself a Lestrange. But no. I despise the name, Lestrange. I despise my father. I despise my family. None of them care about me any-way so there’s no point in being proud to carry that name. The only two people who I know have cared for me are both dead. I know Brina is. I watched it. I watched as the flash of green light struck her between her chest and she collapsed to the floor. I watched the light leave her eyes as I kneeled beside her, grasping her hand and sobbing, shaking her body in hope that she’d miraculously wake up. The other, Rebecca. I haven’t seen her since I graduated Hogwarts. I presume she’s dead. Everyone in that place dies eventually. I am one of the lucky ones. I’m one of the few who have walked out of there alive. However, I rather wish I was dead. But at the same time, I’m grateful that I am not.

After a few more hours of walking, I decide to stop for the night as the sky has turned pitch black and I can hardly see a thing. I cast the Lumos charm a while ago but the small, blue light at the tip of my wand does hardly anything to pierce the heavy darkness around me. My feet have begun to hurt as well and my toes are going numb. I perch myself up against a tree and pull the blanket out of my bag, wrapping it around me. I arrange some sticks into a campfire type shape, pull out my wand and mutter “Incendio”. The twigs catch a spark and a small golden flame forms, its warmth radiating towards me. I watch it flicker in the dark night as I wrap the blanket tighter around me. I fiddle with Brina’s pocket watch for a while before my eyes tire so I slip it back into my pocket, leaning my head back against the cold bark. My eyes close gently and it takes an hour or so of tossing and turning before I lose track of time and unconsciously drift off into a surprisingly heavy sleep.


	9. Threat

November 2016 – age 18

I awake early in the harsh morning air which bites at my face. My entire body is shivering and my hands and feet are completely numb. I attempt to pull out a second pair of socks from my bag. The fact that I have almost zero feeling in my fingers makes undoing the buckle extremely challenging and after much swearing and fist clenching, I eventually get it open. I fumble around and continue to curse under my breath in frustration, coming across a thicker pair of blue and grey stripy socks buried among my spare pair of jeans. I untie my laces, again with much difficulty and frustration, throw my boots to the side and pull my socks over the pair I already have on. I grab my boots and shove them back on, the feeling in my fingertips slowly returning as I lace them up loosely. I hate the cold. I always have. The only good thing about it is that I’m not questioned for wearing a jumper like in the summer months when the temperatures soar and I’m about to pass out of heatstroke.

I stand up slowly, screwing my blanket up and stuffing it into my bag. I stamp out the remaining embers of the fire before checking the time on Brina’s pocket-watch. Eight in the morning. Time to get going, I guess. I begin to walk following the compass on the cover of the pocket-watch North. I’m pretty sure there’s a town a few miles away. Woodbridge or something, I think. Rebecca took me there to get my guitar for my 9th birthday. We went back on my 12th for my electric. God, that’s the one thing I actually miss about the manor. I miss my music, my guitar. However, I couldn’t exactly lug my guitar across the country, could I?  
I need some music. I need some so I can just sit there and escape reality, escape my thoughts. Music is my freedom, my therapy even. I would sit and play my guitar for hours on end. It started with a few sort of classic rock, like AC/DC, Led Zeppelin, Queen. I dug out some of their albums from the attic and Rebecca taught me a few of their songs. Then it got a bit more modern with what the muggles call ‘punk rock’ and ‘pop punk’. Rebecca lent me some records and it went from there. From about the age of twelve, I dreamt of being in a band. I’d pretend I was the third guitarist in My Chemical Romance and they were, and still are my favourite band. They helped keep me alive after Brina’s death back in fifth year. Sadly, they’ve been split up for almost four years and so they haven’t released anything new. Oh well. They still had four albums plus a few singles so it gave me a lot to work on. I don’t think my fingers have ever been so sore after trying to play this solo in the final track of their last album. Holy crap. I couldn’t play half of it anyway so I don’t know why they hurt so much. It wasn’t even the worst part. They felt as if they had been ripped to shreds and they even began to bleed after a while. They were covered in blisters for the next few weeks and didn’t fully heal until the time I went back to school in September as I was playing every day for at least an hour during the holidays. 

My stomach growls. I haven’t eaten anything since yesterday morning. I haven’t been hungry. If I’m not hungry and I eat, I’ll end up throwing it back up. But I am actually starting to feel the effect of my bad eating patterns. I’m getting horrific headaches and I feel dizzy each time I stand up. My whole vision turns black for a moment before fading back to real life. I listen to my stomach though and I fumble around my bag in search of some food. After some more frustration, I pull out a cereal bar. It’ll have to do. I’m sick of digging around the junk in that stupid bag. I tear open the wrapper and take a chunk from it. It does the job to settle my hunger and gives me a little bit of extra energy just to get to Woodbridge where I can stop and get something decent. There’s a café somewhere in town that does breakfast and so I might stop there and grab a coffee to wake me up. 

After another twenty minutes or so, I reach the roadside and wander along the path, the morning light warming my face and assisting my toes to thaw out despite the extra pair of socks covering them. There’s a thin layer of mist settled towards the ground and it sends a small chill down my spine. It’s eerily quiet for eight on a Monday morning. In the half an hour it takes me to get into the town, I’ve only seen a handful of cars and a small group of muggle school students walking down the path opposite me, chatting casually to each other. After I arrive into the town, I spot a coffee shop just across the road at a junction and so I wander over towards it. I walk in. The place is even quieter than outside. There’s only three other people in here, two of them working behind the counter. I amble up to the counter and order myself a coffee and the lady begins to make it. I spot the bathroom out of the corner of my eye. After I have my coffee, I’ll pop in there and clean myself up a little, give my face and hands a wash, brush my hair out. The lady hands me a mug of steaming hot coffee and I thank her, smiling. 

I take a seat in the corner of the shop and scan over the newspapers that are strewn on the table in-front of me. There’s a copy of the Daily Prophet under the array of muggle papers. I take it but before I even read the headline, my stomach lurches as my eyes fix themselves on the photo of me plastered on the front page. It’s the one of me at my Hogwarts graduation. My heart quickens slightly as I scan the headline, putting my coffee down slowly. Shit. I’m wanted for treason. My father wants me dead. But I’m not surprised. I’m dead to him anyway. I have been for the past three years of my life. I’m a disappointment to both him and my mother, I shame the family name. I am a disgrace to the Lestrange name. Who would’ve thought, the Dark Lord’s own heir, wanted for treason, defecting against her own father?

I quickly scan over the rest of the paper, updating myself on what else is happening in-case it puts me at risk. I need to keep myself aware of both wizarding and muggle news. My mother has been known to bribe the muggle Prime Minister with gold and so she may do it again to show me as a threat to the muggle world. I’m anything but a threat. I won’t hurt anyone; I don’t like hurting people. If anything, the only person I am a threat to, is myself…


	10. Headmistress' office

January 2013 – Age 15

My feet walk slowly down the hall towards Professor Umbridge’s office. My stomach churns and my palms are sweating with anxiety. I have been called to her office for a reason I do not know but I know it isn’t a good one. When is it ever good to be summoned to the pink toad’s dwelling? The whole school calls her this seeing as she is dressed head to toe in pink, even her office which is plastered in pink wallpaper, furnishing and porcelain plates with cats on them. She has a very toad-like face and so I guess they put two and two together to come up with her nickname. 

I eventually reach the door, steadying my breathing before I knock three times gently on the door, the interval between each knock irregular. There is a small pause before a voice squeaks “Come in.” from the other side. I push the door open and at the other end of the room sits the woman in pink, a thin, wicked smile plastered onto her face. A tiny teacup and saucer sit in her podgy hands , a small trail of steam rising up from the brim. “Good evening Miss Lestrange.”  
“You asked to see me Headmistress?” I say quietly, fiddling with the cuffs of my sleeves.   
“Ah, yes. Have a seat.” She gestures to the seat facing opposite her, in-front of her desk. It pulls itself out from under the dark oak desk and I sit down, thoughts spinning through my mind. I bounce my leg up and down in fear unconsciously. I quickly take notice of it and I place my hand on my thigh but it does little to stop it and it continues to bounce.  
“Now, you may wonder why I have asked to see you, is that right?”  
“Yes headmistress.”  
“Do you know why?”  
“No headmistress.”  
She places the teacup and saucer down on her desk and stands up. “Miss Lestrange, yesterday a sixth year informed me that they had sighted you and Miss Evettes at the edge of the grounds.”  
I gulp, suddenly realising what she is talking about. We went out for a walk. Holding hands. It didn’t seem like a big deal. It wasn’t like we were making out in-front of the entire school. That’s why we went to the edge of the grounds because it’s always deserted. It’s quiet. We went for a walk around them holding hands as there was no one to see us.  
“However, they also informed me that the two of you were holding hands.”  
“Brina and I are just friends, that’s it.”  
“Well, Miss Lestrange, I warn you that if I find out that you are lying to me and that you and Miss Evettes are more than, what did you describe it as? Just friends? I will find out; your parents will be informed and so will Miss Evettes’. And I assure you, you will be shown mercy if you only one of you walks away alive.”  
“Mercy would be killing me right now.”  
Umbridge pulls out her wand and paces around towards me, her wand inches from my throat. “That can be arranged.”  
My stomach flips, the hairs on the back of my neck standing up like quills.  
“Get back to your dorm Lestrange.”  
“Yes headmistress.” I stand up, praying that my legs don’t give way beneath me as I walk out and back to my dorm, the conversation replaying in my mind.


	11. Dark days and cold nights

Age 18 – December 2016

In the past week or so, I’ve walked surprisingly far. The manor is a couple of outside of Ipswich and I’ve somehow ended up in Cambridge. However I think the most sleep I’ve had over the past few days is no more than a few hours each night. It’s getting ridiculously cold and I’ve been sleeping in all the extra layers I have. And I’m still cold. And I need a shower. I haven’t found any public showers since back in Woodbridge as they had some on the shore front. Despite being cold, I feel dirty and sticky. That’s one thing I didn’t prepare for; going a week or so on end without a shower. 

What I did prepare for was breakdown after breakdown. I think it’s partially the stress of it all but it doesn’t help alongside flashbacks. I’ve had at least one every day, ranging from just a zone out and being swallowed in my thoughts to ones like the one I had yesterday. I’m not even sure what happened. Literally, one moment I was walking and the next I was on the ground sobbing. My head was loud, a muddle and mixture of voices that began as annoying whispers and then finished as screams. Brina was mixed in with it all. That’s what made it even worse. The whole thing is difficult to describe. It’s almost like when you drop out of no-where, your stomach being left behind and then you just feel- empty. You feel like a void band of nothingness before the noise inside your head gets louder and louder. Until you can’t make out one thing your mind says from another. It’s a tangle of hatred, self-hatred. I hate myself. I am a disappointment, a sore, a waste of space. I am a burden to my family and my only friend. I can’t make myself be heard unless I do the extreme. I am going to kill my father. And then my voice will be heard. 

I’ve been thinking about Brina a lot. And Rebecca. They have left a hole in my heart. And knowing that the only two people who care for me are dead and they aren’t coming back hurts. I feel a twist in my stomach each time I think of Brina. Her smile, her compassion and support. I will never witness it again. She got me through five years of school. I wish I had known her my whole life. The other, Rebecca, I presume is dead. I haven’t seen her since I graduated. It feels almost as bad as losing Brina. She was my second mother; she practically was my mother. Bellatrix never raised me herself and so Rebecca did instead. She taught me how to read, write and basic maths before later teaching me guitar. She played herself and thought it would be nice to give me a hobby. It turned into a huge part of my life and I took my guitar to Hogwarts each year. However the professors weren’t always keen. 

The days have become shorter, darker, the nights have become colder and my mind even more screwed over than ever. I cannot face the cold much longer before I die of hypothermia. I wander around the town for a bit, my hood obscuring my face and I come across what looks like a cash machine. I was stupid enough to not pack enough money, wizarding and muggle, and so I only have a few quid left. I have access to the Lestrange vault at Gringotts and I can get money out of a muggle cash machine via my vault key. I fumble around the front pocket of my bag and eventually come across the key, mutter the incantation with my wand pointed discreetly at the machine and the keyhole opens next to the card slot. I turn the key and follow what the screen tells me and transfer fifty galleons into muggle pounds and take out a couple of wizarding coins just in case. I take the ten twenty-pound notes and the coins from the slot and I shove them quickly into the front of my bag along with my key before emerging back onto the street. I scan around the street for a map and eventually catch my eye on one on the other side of the road. I hurry across to it and skim it for any sort of public facility. There’s a public bathroom just around the block and it has showers as well. Thank God.

I arrive at the bathroom and it’s completely deserted. There’s a pile of clean towels in a basket in the corner and I take one before I find a cubicle and lock the door behind me. I undress and put my clothes back in my bag and the towel over it, hanging it on the back of the door in an effort to keep it dry. There’s a shampoo and a soap dispenser next to the handle, both of them a strange shade of light blue. I turn the handle and the water comes out cold. After a moment, it gets warmer and so I stand under it, letting it soak through my hair and rush over my body. It’s a perfect temperature and it’s comforting. I go to reach for the shampoo but I pause, staring down at my arm and the scars that tangle across it. A twang of hatred in my stomach sickens me as my eyes break away from them. I sigh and instead, lather the shampoo through my hair, letting it clean deep down into the roots before rinsing it out.


	12. I'm fine freezing

December 2016 – Age 18

It’s getting late and I’m still wandering the streets. The temperature has plummeted and small flecks of snow have begun to settle onto the ground. There’s a church just opposite me, the lights on inside and the sound of the organ playing. There is a warm glow from the windows and the door is open. Out of curiosity, I walk over and into the church. There’s a choir singing Christmas carols. Shit. I forgot it’s nearly Christmas. I’ve completely and utterly lost track of the date. 

The building is lit with candles that give off a soft, yellow glow and a Christmas tree, covered in ornaments and baubles, stands in the corner. I take a seat in an empty pew at the back and lean my head against the wall. It’s very warm in here so I take my coat off and place it down next to me. There’s a radiator next to me and it thaws out my frozen body thoroughly. I watch the choir in their stalls, their voices echoing off the walls and sending a small shiver down my spine.

“Hello.” A voice from behind me says. I jump in surprise and turn around to see a man in his twenties.  
“Oh- you scared me.”  
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to startle.” He smiles, “Mince pie?” he holds out a small tray of pastries but I decline politely. “Beautiful isn’t it?”  
“Yes.” I smile.  
“I’ve always loved carols. They make me feel warm.”  
I chuckle. “Same.”  
“I just love Christmas in general. It makes me realise how important family is I guess.”  
My heart skips a beat and I feel a pinch of guilt. “It just reminds me that the world might not be as dark as I thought. Family never springs to mind.”  
“What’s your name miss…?”  
“Delphi.”  
“Family, even if it’s not whole or if it’s broken, is one of the main meanings of Christmas Delphi.”  
“My family matter is private.” I snap.  
“Oh, I’m sorry…”  
“No, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to snap. I just find it- difficult- to talk about. They don’t exactly want me in their lives.”  
“Do you have anywhere to go tonight?”  
“I was planning on sleeping in the porch.”  
“It’s minus five out there, with snow, you’ll freeze.”  
“That’s fine by me.” I mutter under my breath to myself.  
“Sorry, I didn’t catch that?”  
“Nothing.”  
“Well, you’re more than welcome to stay in here for the night. The heaters are on all night.”  
“I guess that would be better than freezing. Thank you.”  
“If you need anything else, just ask. Good night.” He smiles at me before he leaves. 

The carols continue until midnight or so and then the church empties and I am then left on my own apart from two other men who I presume are also sleeping rough. I pull my blanket out of my bag and take my jacket off, folding it up and using it as a pillow. Seeing as the heater is on all night, I shouldn’t really need it so I sleep in my tunic and jeans. I pull my blanket over me as I lie down onto the pew where after a bit of tossing and turning, I fall into a surprisingly deep sleep.

***  
Delphini.

Where are you?   
Where are you Delphini? I want to find you.  
I want to kill you. I will kill you.  
You can run but you can’t run forever.  
I will find you. And when I do, I will show no mercy.

I sit bolt upright, breathing shakily, a layer of sweat plastering my forehead. My father is in my head. If I can hear him, does that mean he can hear me? See me? Control me? What can he do to me?! I grab my hair and bury my face into my knees, sobbing softly, trying not to wake anyone up.  
“For God’s sake, pull yourself together and SHUT UP!” A man shouts from across the church. I calm myself slightly before fumbling around for my wand. “Lumos.” I mutter and the small blue glow lights up the space around me slightly. I grab my bag and feel around for Brina’s pocket-watch. I clasp it in my hands, running my fingers across the three scratches on the reverse. It comforts me. Holding it creates a sense of safety, protection. I check the time quickly. Three in the morning. I lie back down, pulling my blanket back over me and stare up at the ceiling. I wonder if Brina is looking down on me.


	13. Disgrace

February 2014 – Age 16

Mother grasps me firmly by the wrist and yanks me into her study. She locks the door behind her as my heartbeat quickens and panic rushes through my body.   
“I knew it.” She mutters, “I knew it, I KNEW IT!” she throws herself towards me and I flinch away in fear, her face barely an inch from mine. I turn away quickly, my eyes squeezed shut to stop tears from spilling down my face.  
“I knew you and that Evettes girl had something. The mudblood BRAINWASHED you!” she screams. 

My legs tremble and my mind’s in a place that it indescribable. It’s a tangled web of anger and fear and guilt and thoughts that are far too loud that could almost drown out the sound of my mother’s voice screaming at me.  
“Thank Voldemort the stupid girl is dead.”

And then it breaks, everything just breaks, overflows, spills out. All the anger and the hate and pain and rage and panic all come out at once.  
“Don’t you DARE insult Brina Evettes!” I scream back at my mother, my throat turning dry. “She was not stupid. She didn’t brainwash me!”  
“Brina Evettes was a blood traitor. She was not worthy of magical education or status. She was a MUDBLOOD!”  
“She deserved EVERY RIGHT and was worthy of at least SOME RESPECT!” I feel the rage surge through my veins as I continue to shout at my mother, my emotions spiralling out of control. “”SHE EARNED MY RESPECT AND SHE EARNED MY LOVE! Something that YOU don’t get.”  
“Delphini Rionarch Lestrange would you repeat that?”  
I stare at her, jaw clenched, pure hatred and fury in my eyes.  
“I TOLD YOU TO REPEAT WHAT YOU UST SAID.” She screams at my face; I flinch away again.  
“You do not even have a DROP of my love; you never have AND YOU NEVER WILL!”  
“If this is about me not raising you, then I do not want to hear the end of this story.” She signs in frustration. 

However I ignore her comment entirely and continue on my shouting spree, hardly even stopping to breathe.   
“You’ve never asked how I am, how I feel. You never knew that I had started harming myself, that I had planned my own DEATH. Brina did, she was the one who stopped me ending my life and now she’s DEAD. DEAD BECAUSE OF YOU, YOU BITCH.” I gasp for air quickly, not even thinking twice about the words that are spurting out of my mouth. “How would you feel if your GIRLFRIEND WAS MURDERED BY YOUR OWN PARENTS!?” 

I freeze, realising what I have just blurted out. If I wasn’t already about to be killed, I most definitely am now. I can see the visible outrage and disgust on my mother’s hollow face as she pulls out her wand.  
“Are you telling me that the Evettes girl, and you, Delphini Lestrange, exchanged feelings?” she asks quietly, but harshly.   
I do not even think twice before I blurt out “Yes, I bloody well am. Brina and I were together.”  
“You’re disgusting. That- ‘thing’ between you and that girl, DISGUSTING.” She screams. “If I wasn’t currently out of contact with your father, you’d be lying stone cold, dead on this floor right now!”  
“Mother-“  
“You are a DISSAPOINTMENT Delphini! You are a DISGRACE TO THIS FAMILY NAME!”  
Each word she yells at me feels like a kick in the stomach, like a bullet to my chest. My self-worth has been torn down more in these past few minutes than the past three years.  
“You may be a disgrace but I will show you mercy.”  
“Showing me mercy would be killing me right now.” I stand squarely, lifting my chin up and clenching my fists. “Kill me, go on. DO IT.”

Mother looks at me wickedly, the typical insane look in her dark, heavily lidded eyes. “No. I can’t.” She gulps.  
“Why not? If I’m such a disappointment, then what is worth me living?” I shout. “KILL ME THEN. DO IT.”  
She pauses, an uncomfortable silence filling the room. And then I hear her scream “CRUCIO!”


	14. Thorns

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> trigger warning - self harm urge (not sure if it's a trigger but I'm gonna add a warning just in case)

December 2016 – Age 18

I awake, sunlight streaming through the stained-glass window above me. A small shiver runs down my spine as I pull on my jacket, rubbing my eyes and stretching. That pew really is not very good for my back, I’ve woken up and it’s stiff as the pew itself. I stare around the church and spot the priest who I spoke to yesterday walking over to me. He holds a cup of tea in one hand and what looks like a couple of slices of toast on a plate in the other.  
“Good morning sleepyhead.” He sits down and places the tea and toast on the pew next to me.  
“Good morning sleepyhead.” Brina tucks a strand of hair behind my ear as I wake up slowly. Our arms are still wrapped around each other and she kisses me gently on my cheek. I chuckle lightly, smiling.  
“Delphi?”  
I snap out of my trance. “Oh, sorry.”  
“How did you sleep?”  
“Alright. My back could say otherwise though.”  
“Yeah, that’s church pews for you.”  
We laugh as I take a sip of tea. I swallow, a strong watery taste to it. It’s got no milk. I’ve always been fussy with it and I would always end up having more milk than tea. “Could I have some milk please?”  
“Oh of course, sorry.” He gets up and grabs a bottle of milk from the back and hands it to me. I pour it in, the tea turning cloudy and milky.  
“Thanks.” I smile, now happier with it and I start to drink it without the fuss. I check the time on my pocket-watch quickly, feeling the scratches on the back of it. My stomach clenches itself. I put it away before I can start to overthink it and fall into a spiral of grief. I take a few bites of toast, pausing before I end up devouring the rest of it in about thirty seconds flat. I didn’t realise how hungry I was. I finish up the tea quickly and then shove everything back into my bag, not caring about it being neat.  
“I need to go. Thanks for letting me stay here for the night.” I say, standing up.  
“You’re leaving already?”  
“I- um- have things to do.”  
“Alright. Have a good Christmas, God bless you.”  
“Thank you.” I wander outside where a solid two foot of snow covers the ground. I bundle myself into my jacket and continue my journey.  
***  
Trudging through the snow, I carry on my way to wherever I may end up. I have no idea of where I’m going, not a single clue. The cold and wet from the snow has started to seep through my jeans and through my boots. My socks are damp and I am beginning to lose feeling from the waist downwards. I’ve been wandering through footpaths and through woods again and I need to stop and rest. My legs won’t work much longer if I keep trudging through this stuff. I stop and push a layer of snow off the top of a log and place my coat over it. Sitting down, I take out the second pair of socks which I use to replace my wet ones. I pull my boots back on and start to tie my laces, muttering to myself again.

Delphini.  
I freeze, curling my fists slightly. “Father?” I gasp.  
I await your arrival. I will show no mercy.  
I feel my heartbeat accelerate, fear beginning to surge through my veins.  
I can hear you, Delphini. I can hear your cries, your pleas to stop the pain. But it will stay. And it will turn into agony. Your pain is permanent.  
I drop my bag, my heart skipping a beat before speeding up even more.  
“Get out of my head you son of a bitch.” I growl, gritting my teeth. “You don’t know my pain; you don’t know the first thing about me.”  
I may not, but I know your weaknesses.  
And then my heat turns silent for a moment before my ears begin to ring, panic setting through my body, hands trembling, head spinning.  
And then I scream out, completely overwhelmed , my throat turning dry. I fall to the ground onto my knees and let out a sob. My knees turn nub in the snow as I fumble around my bag and soon enough my hand clasps around my mother’s dagger. I unsheathe it and hold the metal between my teeth before I push up my sleeve, impulses growing stronger and stronger. I’ve been clean for just over a week. A whole week. I can’t break it. I would hate myself even more than I already do. I stare at my scars that tangle their way across like thorns wrapped around my arm. The thorns pain me, they remind me of my pain that I have endured. From my mother, from my father. I escaped him. Or so I thought. And now he’s inside my head, infiltrating himself through my mind. 

I hold my breath for a moment, my impulses growing as I try to repress them. But then I drop the dagger onto the ground, pulling my sleeve back down, breathing heavily. I did it. I stopped myself. I inhale deeply, my hands still trembling as I stand back up, trying to pull myself back together. “Jesus…” I curse, running my hands through my hair. I feel my heartbeat slow to a steady rhythm and I pick my bag back up, slinging it over my shoulder.

Delphi.  
“Father get out of my head.” I shout.  
Delphi, it’s just me. Just Brina.  
I look over to my right and there sits Brina, her soft chestnut hair sat comfortably on her shoulders. Her sapphire eyes shine in the afternoon light as she stares over at me.  
Are you okay?  
“No. Not really.”  
What happened?  
“Well, I escaped father, or so I thought.”  
What do you mean ‘so I thought’?  
“He’s- he’s in my head. He can hear me; he can see me Brina. He knows my weaknesses; he’s going to kill me.”  
Delphi he can’t do anything to you. He can’t. I won’t let him hurt you. If he does, then I will hurt him.  
“Brina, you can’t do anything, YOU’RE DEAD!” I scream at her, clenching my fists.  
Have you done it recently?  
“I’ve been clean for a week. Almost just broke it though. But I didn’t.”  
That’s a start. You’ll get through this I promise.  
“I bloody well hope I do.” I pause thinking to myself. “Actually-“  
What?  
“If I kill my father, I’ll stay clean. I’ll stop this habit. Well, I’ll try anyway.”  
What happens if you don’t?  
“I haven’t thought of that yet.”


	15. Cousin Draco

January 2009 – Age 11

A small chocolate cake with a few candles flickering on top of it sits on the table in-front of me.  
“Happy birthday Delphi!” Rebecca says as I blow out the tiny golden flames from the candles, squeezing my eyes shut and wishing for one thing, to be loved.  
“I can’t believe you’re eleven!” She laughs, cutting two slices of cake and piling them onto two plates, one for me and one for her. It is dark and rich and just looking at it makes my mouth water. 

Before we take a bite, there is a knock at the door. I turn around abruptly and see a tall, fine blonde-haired man with similar smoky grey eyes to me. He looks like Aunt Narcissa. He has the same hair as her but his face is more like Uncle Lucius. It has the same sharp structure with a slight resemblance to my mother. I know he does but I can’t specify.

“I hope I’m not interrupting anything.” He says, a sense of calmness about him.  
“Oh we were just having some cake, it’s Delphi’s birthday.” Rebecca smiles at him and allows him forward.  
“So you’re little Delphini?” He crouches down beside me. “Last time I saw you, you were no more than a few days old.”  
“My name’s Delphi.” I say, slightly nervous despite his calm manner.  
“I’m Draco, Draco Malfoy. I’m your cousin.” He chuckles.  
“Hello Draco.” I smile a little and he shakes my hand gently.   
“Happy Birthday, by the way, I almost forgot!” He hands me a small box , one that a bracelet or a ring would come in. I open it curiously and inside sits a silver necklace, glinting slightly in the sunlight through the window. On the chain is a small pendant, what looks like a treble clef. My small smile grows in excitement. “How did you-“  
“Let’s say a little bird told me you play guitar.” He looks over at Rebecca.  
“Thank-you!” I place the necklace back into the box, I don’t want to lose it moments after I just got it. “Um- Draco, I’m not trying to be rude but, why are you here?”  
“Am I not allowed to wish happy birthday to my cousin?” We chuckle softly. “Oh, and to bring you this.” 

He takes out an envelope from his pocket and hands it to me. It’s addressed to me in soft emerald writing on the rough parchment envelope. I look at the seal on the reverse, my heart jumping in the air. 

It’s my Hogwarts letter. 

I tear it open eagerly and see that I’ve been offered a place. “I get to go to Hogwarts!” I grin, excited and letting Rebecca have a look at it as she’ll probably be the one ending up signing the reply slip. I’ve heard so much about the school from her, Quidditch, the common rooms, the food, the portraits, the ghosts. 

“Happy?” Draco asks.  
“Very much!” I reply, my smile still glued onto my face.


	16. Finders keepers

February 2017 – Age 19

Delphi where are you even going? Brina says worriedly.  
“I don’t know and I don’t care.” I snap back at her.  
Please, just find somewhere to stay. I don’t want you freezing to death.  
“Yeah, well I can’t do that because I’m a fucking FUGITIVE. I’ll get arrested!” I fiddle with the pocket-watch, agitatedly.  
You won’t.  
“How do you know that?”  
Because I won’t let them.  
At this moment, all the pain that had built up in the past few hours have now tuned into anger. And I take it out on Brina.  
“HOW MANY TIMES BRINA? You can’t do anything because you’re DEAD.”  
And then she disappears. I am left, an angry mess, on the forest floor. “Brina?” I mutter, hoping for her to come back. “Brina, I’m sorry!” I stare around and listen. Nothing.

I curse and throw the pocket watch across the ground violently. There is a crack from it followed by the sound of the chain scratching the body of the watch. I freeze. I broke it. I broke Brina’s watch. Picking it up slowly, I notice a clean crack through the glass over the watch face with a few others branching off from it to the edge. It’s no longer ticking gently.   
That’s the last thing I have of her. A pocket-watch and a photo. And what have I gone and done? Bloody broken it. I’ve wrecked it out of my own anger. Curling my palms around the remains of it, I lean back against the tree behind me and feel the salty tears run down my face. And eventually, the world fades to black and somehow, I fall asleep.

***  
I awake to the strong scent of smoke, the inside of my nose stinging from its strength. My palm is sticky and I look down and see it is covered in blood. I must’ve gripped it so hard that I broke the glass even more and it has dug into my palm. I fumble around for my bag and then realise it’s not there. My stomach churns. “Oh shit…” I curse under my breath, the scent becoming stronger. I peer around the tree out of curiosity and spot a group of teenagers, all around the age of sixteen. They’re stood chatting, two of them holding cigarettes in their mouths. The tallest one with dark hair is holding up my bag and two girls are going through it, pulling the contents out and dumping it onto the forest floor. My anger has already begun to brew inside me as I watch them throw everything onto the ground. They hand it back to the dark-haired lad.  
“Hey!” I shout, walking up to them, leaving my wand tucked away for the time being.  
“And she’s awake at last!” The dark-haired boy laughs.  
“What the hell do you think you’re doing?!” I shout again, lunging for my bag but he pulls it away and holds it above his head, spitting the cigarette out of his mouth.  
“Finders keepers, isn’t that what they say?” The rest of the group laugh at my visible rage.  
“That’s my stuff, get your hands off of it!”  
One of the girls picks up the photo of Brina and I and guffaws. “Holy shit, she’s more of a tosser than her.”  
“What did you just say?” I walk up to her, my little 5’4 self, clenching my jaw tightly, staring up at her. She glares back at me with her beady ice-blue eyes.  
“I said, she’s more of a tosser than you.” She shoves me backwards hard. I stumble.  
And in that moment, my anger explodes like a bomb inside of me. I clench my fist before swinging it towards her but the dark-haired boy grabs me from behind and seizes my wrist, twisting my arm behind me and latching his other arm around my neck. He has hold of them so hard that I’m struggling to breathe and if he flinches, I wouldn’t be surprised if he breaks my arm.  
“The hell do you think you are!?” He screams at me, “Make one move and I’ll fucking snap your arm!”  
“Josh let go of her!” One of the other girls yells at him but my heart only beats faster and his arm gets tighter around my neck.  
“Let- me- go!” I struggle to form my words, as I attempt to break from his grip.  
“JOSH!” The others yell at him, begging him to let me go. After kicking and squirming, I pull myself away and draw my wand, aiming it directly at him. He cries out with laughter but I plant my feet and try and channel any energy I have left.  
“How the hell is that meant to help you? It’s a bloody piece of wood!”  
“Want to bet on that?”  
He paces towards me and stares down at me. “Try me fag.”  
My heart slows. Even at Hogwarts I was never called that. Not even my parents called me it.   
“Oh did I hurt your feelings?” He taunts me in a baby voice, looking over at the photo of Brina. “Well, I hate to say but she’s one too.” He spits at the ground.  
“Don’t you DARE talk about Brina like that!” I shout at him, tightening my grip on my wand.  
“Oh, so she has a name, now? Brina. Hmmm sounds made up. Probably is.”  
And then I snap. I scream out “Rictusempra!” and the boy flies backwards and crashes into a tree. 

Whirling my head around, I see the rest of the group staring at me confused and somewhat scared. The boy groans, pulling himself up slowly and paces over towards me, pure and utter rage plastered on his face. I scramble to grab my bag and shove my stuff back into it, my legs preparing to run. But as I take my first stride I am yanked back before the boy throws his fist into the side of my head. It throbs and my vision turns foggy for a moment before I feel my stomach jolt violently and I collapse to the floor. I lie there for a few seconds, my ears ringing before I drag myself back up. My fury has spread through me and I feel the adrenaline reaching my fingertips. Instead of reaching for my wand, I grab him by his collar and hurl my own fist into his nose. Hard. 

He winces in pain and I see his eyes turn glassy.   
“FUCK.” He curses loudly, crouching over and pausing before he heaves himself back up and tackles me onto the ground. My head bashes against it and he continues to beat me to a pulp, my entire body aching. I gather up the strength, pulling my knee up and thrusting him off of me. 

“HEY!” I hear from the side. I look over, my senses alert. It’s a muggle man about the age of fifty with his wife who takes out her phone.   
“Yes, police please, there’s a fight.” I only just catch her voice over the sound of the man yelling at us. I do catch her giving them my description over the phone however and this triggers me to snatch my bag off the floor along with my wand and sprint away. The entire group yelling behind me. 

The wind whistles past my ears as my short legs move faster than they ever have before. After around thirty seconds of flat-out sprinting, I reach a road that leads up to a small town. I do not have stamina whatsoever yet I still continue to run, my breathing laboured , heavy and panicked. 

Shit. This isn’t good. They’ll turn me into the Death Eaters as there’s no doubt the muggle police have been warned about me. I sprint across the road without looking and a car only just missing me by a few inches. Nothing is processing in my head properly as I focus on getting away from the ever-nearing sound of a police siren. I emerge into a busy street in the town, blank faces of people around me as I assess my options as to where I can go. I yank my hood down as I begin to run up what looks like a by-street but the noise of a siren I scarily close. I accidently run into a woman carrying a tray of coffee and it spills everywhere. All I can do is shout “Sorry!” as I continue to leg it down this street. From the side of me I hear shouting and sirens. I just keep running, there’s no other option 

Delphi?  
I freeze, my body coming to a halt and my hood falling down. Brina. “Brina?” I pant. Her voice almost circles me. I know it’s not real. But then again, is it not? It sounds so real, so like her.  
Keep running!  
I obey the voice and my feet carry on pounding against the ground as I sprint up an alleyway, breathing heavily and mind scrambled. Turning around for a split second and see two police officers chasing behind me like lions. I’m screwed. I can’t keep this pace up for much longer. However, my legs miraculously keep moving as I stumble around a corner only to see a dead end. I’m done for. The red brick wall stares down at me and stupidly enough, without thinking, I reach it and make a stupid attempt to climb it. But it’s no use. I cannot get a grip so my feet slide down and my palms scrape painfully against its rough surface. However, I’m not focused on that.

I’m more focused on the fact that I am pulled down before being tackled to the concrete ground by an officer who digs his knee into my already sore back. I squirm, shout and protest in every pathetic attempt to resist. But it’s no use. My bag is stripped away from me and I feel the snap of cool metal around my wrists.

“Jesus, you’re a feisty one!” one of them grunts as they yank me to my feet. I still make useless attempts to get away but there’s no hope. I feel a lot of things right now. Mainly fear, partly anger, the rest is just an undefined jumble of emotion. 

“GET OFF ME!” I scream, continuing to pull and fight.  
“I’m arresting you on suspicion of assault. You do not have to say anything and you have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you and anything you do say may be given in as evidence in court. Do you understand?” the officer to my right states firmly. I stay silent.  
“DO YOU UNDERSTAND?” he shouts, even firmer. I clench my jaw.  
“Yes. Sir.” I growl before I am pulled forward and back down the street I have just run through. My heart still pounds in my chest. I don’t know if it’s still my body recovering from my mile-long sprint or if it’s anxiety as to what will happen next. We emerge into the busy street where a crowd of faces stare at me, puzzled and bewildered as to what has just happened. 

I am then pushed into the back of a police car, the door slamming shut and I am sat next to another officer. He gestures to my hand cuffs and unlocks them for a moment. I rub my wrists slightly before he puts them back on but in-front of me this time and the two other officers get in the front. The car starts and we begin to drive to I presume the station. I lean my head against the window, staring out of it, everything zoned out. What did I do?

I screwed up, that’s what. I should’ve just grabbed my stuff and walked away. I wouldn’t be in this situation if I had just held myself together and ignored it. I continue to stare out the window attempting to distract myself from the sick feeling in my stomach. I can’t tell if it’s just motion sickness or if it’s something to do with my mental state. There is a muffled voice to my right but I am zoned out completely so I ignore it. But it gets louder and clearer and so I emerge back to real life.  
“Miss?”  
“Miss.”  
“Miss.” The officer next to me grabs my attention back. “What’s your name, Miss?”  
“Delphi.” I reply, still staring out the window, avoiding his eye.  
“Your full name?”  
“Delphini Rionarch-“ I pause, thinking. “Lestrange.”  
“Delphini I would appreciate it if you looked at me when I am speaking to you.”  
“Why.” I snap, rather aggressively.  
“Because it’s respectful.”  
I sigh, turning to face him, reluctantly.  
“What’s your date of birth?”  
“21st January 1998.”  
“Parents full names?”  
I stay silent. I dare not say their names. I despise them.  
“Parents full names?”  
I pluck up the courage and sigh, then mutter quietly. “Bellatrix Lestrange, Tom Marvolo Riddle.”  
“Sorry I didn’t catch that, can you repeat?”  
“Bellatrix Lestrange and Tom Marvolo Riddle, as in Lord BLOODY VOLDEMORT.” I shout, tears pricking at my eyes. The officer looks at me blankly before continuing.   
“Current address?”  
“I don’t live anywhere.”  
“Expand.”  
“I ran away three months ago.”  
“Do your parents know?”  
“Yes.”  
“Are they concerned?”  
“No. They never cared about me to begin with.”  
“Expand.”  
“No.”  
“Delphini, would you please expand.”  
“No.”  
“Why not?”  
“Because it’s no-one’s business. Not even a stupid police officer like you.” I snap again. There is silence.  
“There will be a further questioning later. Okay?”  
“Fine.” I turn away again. I stare out the window again for the rest of the journey, my mind scarily quiet as I sit numb to anything and everything.


	17. Stripped

February 2017 – Age 19

After around ten minutes or so, we arrive at what I presume is the station. I am pulled firmly out the back and through inside where they take my fingerprints and some photos. A female officer walks up to me and looks at my rugged appearance and my now filthy face. She’s rather plump with a somewhat kind face.

“Do you want a shower before the interview?” She asks. I think for a moment before I nod slightly, knowing that it might be my last opportunity. She takes me from the other officer’s grip and walks me down to what looks like a bathroom. The tiles are a grim grey with a green vinyl floor, the whole room having a dirty feel to it. She hands me a grey towel and I look at her worriedly. I know what she’s asking me.  
“I’m sorry dear…” She rubs my shoulder.  
“Do I have to?” My voice trembles. I won’t strip in-front of her. In-front of anyone. I hate my body enough and it means my scars will be visible. No-one except for me has seen them. And I want it to stay that way.  
“Yes, I’m afraid so.”

I am about to cry; I can feel the tears pricking at my exhausted eyes. I take a shaky breath before I bend down, undoing my laces, taking off my shoes before I pull my tunic up, over my head, turning away. I hold my arm out of view in a desperate attempt to hide the scars covering it. I slip my socks off, tucking them inside my boots. Reluctantly, I take my jeans off and hold my clothes up against my chest, still conscious of my arm. But there isn’t much I can do so most of them are very much visible. The woman freezes, realising and says in a very gentle tone “I’ll be back in tone. You go ahead and take a shower.” Before she walks out, leaving me stood pretty much naked in the bathroom. 

I place my clothes on a ledge and strip off my bra and underwear. The woman has left my bag in here for some reason so I quickly fumble around for some clean undergarments and place them over my clothes. I then turn the rusting nob around and the water gushes out of the showerhead ice cold. I jump back in shock and wait a few moments before checking it again. It has warmed to a mild temperature but I don’t think it is going to get any warmer. 

I let my hair down and the water soaks through it and down my exhausted body. Despite the water not being particularly hot, it’s nice to feel the dirt on me wash off. I quickly lather through some shampoo and scrub my body with what is meant to be tea tree soap but it smells more like washing up liquid. Rinsing everything out and off hurriedly, the water begins to turn cold and so I turn it off and wrap the scratchy grey towel around me. I tie my hair up again after I ring out the water and rub it with the towel to dry it a bit.

Footsteps approach from outside so I throw on my clothes like the speed of light. The door opens and the woman comes back in, gesturing for me to follow her as I finish tying my laces and gathering my stuff up. I follow her reluctantly. She takes my bag off of me along with my jacket and leads me to a small blank room with two chairs and a table between them with a dull light which makes little help to illuminate the already dark room. I am sat in a chair before she leaves again, this time without an explanation.

I sit almost curled in a ball on the chair, staring into nothing, thinking nothing, feeling nothing, numb to anything around me. The only thing I do feel is the cold in the room and my wand digging into the side of my leg. I could just use it to unlock the door and leave. But then I’d just be asking for even more trouble than I’m already in. I feel a chill run down my spine. I’m cold without my jacket, anxious even. I know, it sounds utterly stupid, but it’s comforting to me. I can burrow myself into it, I feel safer with it for some weird reason. 

I continue to sit cooped up in the chair, numb to the very core. But now I think to myself and then remembering. 

My knife.

I curse under my breath. What happens if they find my knife in my bag? What will that mean? I’ve heard you can be jailed for years if you’re found just carrying one. My heart speeds up in my chest, anxiety setting in, the ‘what if?’ questions spinning through my head. I sit for what feels like an eternity before the lock clicks open and the woman walks back in, holding my jacket and bag. She closes the door behind her, sits down and places my stuff onto the table between us. 

“I’m sorry, I didn’t ask your name earlier. Miss Lestrange is it?” she asks softly. I nod in reply, my stomach twisting itself into a knot.   
“So we’ve looked through these and I just need a few answers, nothing to worry about okay?” She keeps her voice this same gentle tone. I think she can sense my- instability. She begins by pulling out the pocket-watch. I stare at it. It’s unrecognisable. The gold has turned red with my blood and the glass is completely shattered.   
“Would you explain this for me?” She places it down in-front of me.  
“It’s a pocket-watch.” I say quietly, my mouth dry.  
“Why is there blood on it?”  
“It was an accident…”  
She looks at me in the eye and says “I can tell when people lie…”  
For some reason my eyes begin to prick with tears as I stare at the pocket-watch. “I had a bad night and I- I threw it. The glass broke and I fell asleep clutching it. I didn’t know just how hard I did until I woke up and my hand was covered in blood.”  
“Thank you, now,” She pushes aside the pocket-watch. “Do you have any other objects on you?”  
I think. I have my wand. I’ll have to give it in. Other than that, I don’t so I reach down and pull it out and place it on the table, rather reluctantly. She thanks me and takes it.  
“Um… you didn’t find anything else in my bag, did you?” I ask, my voice shaking.  
“No, we didn’t…is there something we should have?”  
“Oh- um- no. I lost something a few days ago and wondered if you found it.”  
“Sorry love, we only found some food, clothes, spare laces, stuff like that.”  
“Oh. Okay.” I exhale in relief but at the same time I feel a little guilty. I’ve lost my knife. I don’t know why I feel guilty, I guess it’s a good thing I’ve lost it otherwise I don’t think I’d be out of here any time soon. But I probably won’t be anyway. 

She leads me out and down a hallway of cells and we stop outside an empty one. She unlocks the door and gestures me inside. I step in and she locks the door behind me, trapping me inside what appears to be a room about two-or-three square meters large.  
“For the time being you’ll have to stay here until we can sort out an interview, okay?” she asks from outside.  
“How long will it be?” I reply, still, my voice shaking for some reason I do not know.  
“I’m not sure, maybe an hour or two? I can’t give an exact time…”  
“Oh, okay.” I sigh, the woman’s footsteps receding from outside. I take a look around where I am stuck for an unknown amount of time. There is what looks like a ledge with a thin mattress and a blanket. The walls are a dull white and the top of the back wall is a small, barred window which lets in a surprising amount of natural light which streams onto the scratched wooden floor.

I curse under my still uneven breath and sit on the bed which, not to my surprise, is rock hard. I pull my knees into my chest and stare down at the floor, zoning out completely, only aware of the muddle of thoughts inside my head.

Stupid girl, you’ve screwed up again. No wonder they hate you.

I don’t fight the voices. I let them scream at me, shout at me, torment me. I have no energy nor will to stop them anymore…


	18. Says you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> some cute Delphi-Brina fluff for you <3

December 2012 – Age 14

Brina stares deep into my smoky eyes, a large smile plastered on her face. I can see the genuine love and affection and care in them as she places her hand on my waist gently, pulling me towards her. I chuckle. “Oh, this is nice.” I smile.  
“Comfortable.” She replies.

We are alone. The entire house has gone home for Christmas and so Brina and I are left to ourselves, not the portraits to disturb us, not the ghosts, not even the owls. So we’ve taken advantage and let’s say, we’re getting used to being in each-other’s arms most of the day.

I pull Brina a little closer “But this is nicer.”  
“Hmm I think it could be more.”   
She takes off my jacket. I take off her jumper. We stumble over to the bed together and I climb on top of her, resting my chin on top of her chest. I smile at her and she taps my nose gently. I tuck a strand of hair behind her ear before she wraps her arms around me. “You’re cute, you know that?” She laughs.   
“Says you.” I chuckle slightly, pressing my lips softly against hers. She locks hers against mine. I draw breath. She laughs, surprised. “Oh so you do have some top energy in you after all?”  
“And you don’t?” I joke as we make a bad attempt to switch over. She clambers on top of me, beaming down on me.  
“You are ridiculously comfortable.”  
I burst out with laughter; my chest weighed down by Brina on top of me.  
“No seriously! I could lie here all day!”  
“You do!”   
We burst into a fit of laughter, so much so, she topples off of me so that she is lying beside me. I roll over to face her, she kisses me lightly.   
“Can you lie on top of me again?” I ask, making almost puppy eyes at her.   
“How can I say no to that?” She whispers in my ear, crawling back on top of me. “Is that better?” She says in a baby voice.  
“Oh shut up.” I peck her cheek. She traces her finger down from my lips, across my chest and down to the bottom of my shirt, a curious smile on her face.  
“Go on then.” I grin and she pulls it up, over my head, revealing my chest. She strips off hers and throws them both onto the floor.  
“Fuck me.” I gasp.  
“Literally?” She laughs. I pause, smiling cheekily, knowing she’s only joking.  
“But holy shit, you’re gorgeous.”  
“Says you.”   
She locks her lips with mine, her soft hands gripping my skin. We kiss again, a little more intense, quicker, my whole body filled with a strange tingle. I’ve never felt this way about someone before. I’ve never loved someone this much. It’s all very new to me. But I like it. I really, really like it.

But then the sound of shoes nears the door from outside. We both freeze, staring at each-other in a moment of panic. I grab my jumper from the end of the bed as Brina snatches hers from the floor and we pull them on, scrambling to opposite ends of the bed. I seize my book from the table next to me and Brina takes the notebook next to it. We attempt to act as normal as possible as the door opens and Professor Ashgrove peers around the door, surprised.  
“Evening Professor.” I smile as innocently as possible.  
“Lestrange, Evettes, you missed dinner.” She glares at us, curious.  
“We did?” Brina asks, pretending to be surprised at this when in fact we snuck pumpkin pasties from the kitchens along with four bottles of butterbeer.   
“Yes,” She looks at us suspiciously. “I was told to see where you both where.”  
“Why?” Brina questions.”  
“Miss Evettes, may I remind you that, despite not being I. term time, it is polite and respectful to not answer back to a teacher.” She strides over, staring down on us with her cold glare. “And to answer your question, because I am your head of house and I am responsible for you during the holiday period.”  
She turns on her heel sharply and leaves the room, the sound of heels on the wooden floor fading away. 

Brina and I look at each-other for a few seconds with direct eye contact before we burst into a fit of laughter, both of us collapsing back onto the bed. After a minute or so of laughing we stop, just so as my stomach hurts. I shuffle back over to her and we lie together on the bed, her arms wrapped around me. We lie there entirely still for a while, the only sound being the rain pattering lightly on the window and each-others breathing. Everything is still. I feel safe in her arms. I feel loved. I feel valued. Brina pulls me a little closer so I am almost tucked into her chest. I curl up a little, feeling her stroking my hair gently and my eyes drooping shut unconsciously.

And soon enough, I fall asleep, the warmth of Brina’s breath brushing my cheek softly.


	19. Diagnosis

February 2017 – Age 19

Stupid girl. You’ve screwed up. Like you always do. It’s your fault. Everything is your fault. You we’re never good enough for your parents, for Brina, for anyone. Never.

“Miss Lestrange?”  
“Miss Lestrange.”  
“Delphi?”  
I break out of my trance and look over at the two officers sat opposite me.   
“Are you okay? We um… lost you.” One with dark, scruffy hair asks, sat next to the woman from earlier.   
“Yeah. Um- I’m fine, sorry.” I shrink back a little, my eyes tired as I look down at the floor.  
“As we were saying, I’m officer Jones and this is officer Dolman. You’ve already met her I believe.” Jones says, gesturing to Dolman who smiles. I manage a weak smile in reply. “Now, we just need to ask a few questions about what happened.”  
“What do you mean?”  
“What happened in the woods?”  
“Oh, yes, sorry.” I pause thinking to myself and trying to piece together what little I can actually remember about what happened. It was all so fast, it started as quickly as it finished. “I woke up and saw that my bag wasn’t next to me. I panicked, thinking someone had stolen it while I was asleep.” I begin, my voice dry and croaky with exhaustion. I try and figure out what happened next and how to say it without getting myself in more trouble but trying to keep it as honest as possible. “I looked behind me and there was this group of kids, all of them about sixteen, who had it and were going through it.”  
“Then what?”  
“I went up to them and tried to get it off of this boy. I was angry to begin with and I was in a dreadful mood but this just made it worse. The rest of them continued to go through it and found a photo of me and my-“ I pause, unable to form the word I want to say.   
“A photo of who?”  
“Me and my- my friend, Brina.” I struggle to put it together.  
“Then what?”  
“They mocked her, and me. My anger was building up and one of the girls then shoved me hard. This just- send me over the edge.”  
“What happened after that?”  
“I went to hit her but the guy grabbed me into some sort of choke hold thing and twisted my arm around my back.”  
“Quick question, what happened to Brina?”  
I freeze, my chest aching and tears pricking at my eyes.  
“What happened to her?”  
“She um- she died a few years ago. It hit me hard.”  
“After the boy grabbed you, what else happened?”  
“He threatened to break my arm. I tried to get away and the others were yelling for him to let me go but he didn’t so I broke away from him.”  
“Then what?”  
“He insulted me.”  
“What did he say?”  
“He called me a ‘fag’ and called Brina one too. And at that point, I just lost it.” I pause again, thinking up the words to say other than I threw him into a tree with a spell. “But I was scared, so I tried to run. The boy pulled me back and attacked me and I fell to the floor. I tried to get up and defend myself. He went to attack me again but I grabbed him by his collar and punched him in the nose.”  
Jones scribbles down something quickly. I try and get a glimpse of it but I can’t. “What happened next?”  
The next few bits are a little fuzzy so I think hard to try and clear them up. “He threw me to the ground and continued to beat me. I then managed to push him off as the two walkers saw us and phoned the police. I then ran away but then got caught.”  
“It that everything?”  
“I think so, yes.”  
“Great, thank you. Now, we just have one last thing we need to discuss.”  
“What would that be?”  
Jones turns to face Dolman and gestures to her. She takes a deep breath.  
“Now, you may be a little confused as to what’s happening.” She begins.  
“Just a fucking bit.” I mutter under my breath.  
“Sorry, I didn’t catch that.”  
“I didn’t say anything.” I snap, rather aggressively despite my exhaustion.   
“Oh, okay, well, it was noted that you may be at risk.”  
“At risk of what?”  
“Mentally.”  
“How can you tell?”  
“It was observed that you had um- scars- on your arm. Are they from self-harm?”  
I stay silent, my leg trembling.  
“Or are they from something else?”  
I bite my lip anxiously, avoiding eye contact.  
“We need you to talk to us. This is a safe space; you’re allowed to talk about it.”  
I sigh, giving in and my stomach twisting itself into a knot.” “They’re from self-harm…” I say quietly, almost a whisper.  
“Okay, thank-you. Have you been diagnosed with a mental health condition at all?”  
“No.”  
“Thank you. Now, I just need you to fill in these for me.” She hands me a pile of paper and a pen and I take them reluctantly. 

I begin making my way through the sheets. The first few are asking about feelings and how often I feel like it. The range of questions is rather drastic, going from ones like ‘do you feel you push others away?’ to ‘how often do you think about death?’. I try and answer them as truthfully as possible. I presume they’re to find out what exactly is going on inside of my head. And frankly, I’d like to know what’s the problem, or at least, part of it.

After around twenty minutes of ticking boxes and filling in paper, I hand the completed sheets back to Dolman and she takes it. She says something to Jones but I don’t catch it and they both leave the room, leaving me alone. I can hear them talking quietly as the door is cracked open slightly.  
“Depression mainly. There’s a bit of anxiety ridden in it too. I think she’s grieving.”  
“But the girl she mentioned, she died years ago.”  
“Grief can last years, Henry.” She says before there’s a small pause.  
“So what do you think is the best plan for her? It sounded like it was just self-defence?”  
“Yes it definitely did. But we need to consider her wellbeing. Psych ward maybe?”  
“I think so too.”


	20. Jailbreak

February 2017 – Age 19

I lie making some pitiful attempt to fall asleep on the bed. I’ve given up trying to figure out a plan to escape, there’s utterly no way. Instead, I’ve accepted the fact that I’m going to this ‘psych ward’. God knows what’ll happen there.

I am startled back awake as the door opens and yet again, Dolman appears around it. “Afternoon.” She beams, walking in as I sit up. I reply with a frail smile instead.  
“You’re probably wondering what’s happening, I guess. Are you?”  
“Just a bit.”  
“Well, we’ve discussed your case and it’s been closed as it was just self-defence.”   
Oh thank God, I get to leave this place. At last. “However,”  
“However what?”  
“You’re going to go to hospital. A special one for your mental health.”  
My stomach churns. “Why?”  
“Because we feel it may be best for your- situation.”  
“Okay.” I fiddle with the cuffs of my sleeves again, worry setting through me.  
“Is that alright with you?”  
I want to say no. I just want them to let me go. Let me out of this place and carry on with what I was going to do. What I need to do. But to keep her happy, I reply with “That’s fine.”  
“Brilliant.”

There is a pause before I hear a door slam from down the hall before a clamour of shouting. My curiosity spikes. I don’t know if it’s a result of e being here too long or something actually interesting. And then there’s several thuds on the opposite side of the wall before a few seconds later, the door to my cell flies open and Dolan collapses against the wall. “Obliviate!” Someone shouts, a soft blue haze given off from Dolan. Her memory was wiped…

I stare over at the doorway in shock and a woman with dark skin, wild hair and a robust, sweeping crimson trench coat stands, breathing heavily. In my shock, I do not process who- or what- may be stood in-front of me.   
“Who- who the hell are you?” I shout, the woman walking towards me.  
“Come on! We haven’t got time!” She grabs my wrist and yanks me up and drags me out behind her.  
“What are you doing?!” I shout again.  
“Where’s your stuff?” She ignores my question.  
“I dunno?”  
“Well, let’s grab it and get out of here.”

As we turn the corner, two men with the same rugged countenance appear with my bag, wand and jacket. “How-“ I try to piece together my questions but my mind is in such shock and confusion, it can’t put them together. Into a proper sentence. I am pulled through and out the station where the officers lie confused and dreary on the floor. Once we are outside, the woman looks at me and asks: “Can you apparate?”  
My heart stops. “Once, but I got splinched.” I reply. She looks at me and shrugs.  
“It’s not that bad. First time is always the worst.”  
And then the grabs my wrist again and the whole world melts away as u feel myself being sucked through a tube, every inch of my body wracked with pain, my stomach churning. I try to scream, yet no sound comes out. And then the world re-sets. Yet now we are stood in what looks like a backstreet. However, my stomach feels so churned up and I am in such pain, I collapse to the ground and throw up what little I have eaten in the past twenty-four hours.   
“Sorry about that…” The lady bends down next to me.  
“For the apparition or breaking me out of prison without even telling me who in the name of MERLIN you are?!”  
“Hermione Granger, rebel leader.” She sticks out her hand and I shake it, in shock.  
“You’re- you’re the rebels?” I ask, my curiosity peaking. “No. You’re kidding. You aren’t the rebels.”  
“We are. Believe me.”  
“No- no, the rebels are a myth.”  
“Delphi- trust me.”  
“HOW DO YOU KNOW MY NAME?” Anxiety rushes through my shaken body. I don’t know what to believe: my gut, or ‘Granger’.  
“We’ve been tracing you.”  
“You’ve been STALKING ME? Oh that’s great, now my father probably knows where I am. Thanks a lot!”  
“No! We’ve been looking for you!”  
“Why are you looking for me?”  
“We want you to join us.”  
“N-no. I don’t trust you. I CAN’T trust you.”  
“Please, we need you.” She’s practically begging me at this point but my mind is still so scrambled, I can’t believe anything she’s saying.  
“No. No-one needs me. I? can’t trust you, I’m sorry. Now leave me be. You can look for me all you want again but I’m not going with you. I won’t. Because I can’t trust you.”

I snatch my bag from the other man, pull my jacket on, slide my wand into the side of my jeans and run off, somehow rage still surging through my fiery veins that have been dormant for the past day. I don’t know where I am, why they broke me out or what I do next. But I just run, feeling the wind fly through my hair, my heart pounding in my chest, adrenaline rushing through me again. I feel my feet pound against the street and away from what my gut tells me not to trust yet my head tells me to turn around and go with them. I come to an abrupt stop and think. What if they were the rebels? What if they were the people I’ve heard stories about, heard rumours of but never knew they were actually real? I pinch myself just to make sure I’m definitely not hallucinating. I am not. 

And subconsciously, I turn around and sprint back in the direction I just came from. I emerge back at where we appeared, a small flicker of hope ignited in my heart that I would see them standing there. 

But instead, the street it empty, no-one in sight, my heart sinking.


	21. Pulled out the closet

April 2014 – Age 16

“Don’t forget to read over chapters sixteen to eighteen for next lesson. Class dismissed.” Professor Ashgrove dismisses us.  
“Hey Lestrange, do you want to-“ Flint begins but I ignore him. I shove my books into my bag before gathering up my robes and storming out the classroom and down the hallway back to the common room before he even gets the chance to talk to me. I’m not in the mood for anything right now. 

I’ve had a bad enough day as it is and I have a pile of homework due in for tomorrow that I have stupidly left until the last minute. Brina would never let that happen. She would sit me down with her and guide me through it and I’d get all five pieces done in the evening. She got my grades up from ‘poor’ to ‘acceptable’ and even some ‘exceed expectations’. It’s little things like that I miss about her the most, the things that you’d take for granted. The fact that she’d always be checking up on me, offering to help me with any work I was struggling with. She could tell if I wasn’t having a good day and we’d lie on her bed and she’d give me this huge hug and we’d share the sweets we bought at Honey dukes at the weekend.

As I continue to storm down the hall, I clench my jaw, attempting to ignore Flint calling me from behind. I try to blank him out but it’s not working . He’s catching up with me. I start to run. He does too. I turn the corner. He turns the corner. I’m reaching the end of the hall. He’s going to reach me. I’ll have to face him, there’s no alternative. And so I stop, yet my mind tells me to keep running despite there not being anywhere to run to. 

“Lestrange!” He chuckles, his raven black hair turned scruffy.   
“What do you want Flint, because I’m really not in a good mood.” I snap.  
“Why’d you run? Maybe I can help cheer you up?” He moves slightly closer, my stomach twists with fear.  
“No.”  
“No?”  
“No. I don’t want to be anywhere near you.”  
“Oh, come on Delphi! I thought we were mates?”  
“We were never ‘mates’. I don’t even like you.” I go to push past him but he blocks my way and will definitely not let me past, no matter how hard I try.  
“Seriously, don’t you want to spend some time with your favourite potions partner?”  
“I said no!”  
“Specifically when I can make a love potion?”  
“Get away from me Flint!”  
“Oh wait, you already did.”  
“Oh yeah? For who?”  
“Stone-dead Evettes.”  
My heart stops and I drop my bag, it lands on the floor with a thud.  
“Brina is dead. That’s all you need to know. Now leave me alone.”  
“What? Are you scared of me?”  
“Flint get AWAY from me!”  
“Why should I?”  
“Because I don’t like BOYS!”  
His face freezes over, he moves away from me and walks away in silence.


	22. Train ride home

March 2017 – Age 19

After a few days of wandering aimlessly around the area I’ve ended up in, I try and make an effort to figure out where I am where I need to go and what I need to do. I’m somehow stuck in this small, rather tranquil village called Hurst. It’s somewhere in the south of England and from what I’ve managed to gather, there’s a town a mile or so away that has trains running to London. It’s supposedly about forty-five-minute train from London and from there it’s another two hours on the train back to the town near the manor. My best bet is to go back.

I’ve planned my route, my every move. My aim now is to get back to the manor and kill Nagini and get out again, undetected. Nagini, Father’s snake is his final Horcrux. And then it’s just him. He has no more lifelines. I have the ability to kill him straight up in May. And nothing will be able to stop me…

However, I don’t know what will happen after. Or even if I’ll be able to get into the Ministry on that day. It’ll be packed and people will be bound to recognise my face. How could they not? The Dark Lord’s disappointment of a daughter suddenly returns after six months of hiding. Most likely scenario is that I’ll be captured and sentenced to death or I’ll just be granted mercy and be killed then and there. But then again, it depends if I even make it that far, if I can make it into the manor unnoticed, like a thief in the cover of night. I’m beginning to doubt if I’m even going to make it. I’ve had urges to hurt myself and impulsive thoughts, ranging from harmless things like cutting my own fringe to the more extreme. Like wanting to throw myself off of any bridge I cross. I have managed to resist them so far but they’re getting stronger by the day and it’s getting harder to fight them…

After about a half an hours walk down the road, I arrive at the station in Twyford, pulling my hood up in case I am somehow recognised. I stand at a ticket machine, the cold wind biting harshly at my face as I try my best to get my ticket and pay. A moment passes before my ticket prints and I take it, shoving it into my purse. I glance up at the departures board for the next train to London. I scan my eyes down it and spot one coming in ten minutes or so and wander over to the platform. I wait for the train to come, just standing glumly on the platform, staring into space. I completely zone out, not even the noise of the trains passing through on the other side of the station disturbing it. It’s a strange silence. It’s sort of- calming… But then again, I feel uncomfortable. It’s too quiet. Don’t get me wrong it’s nice to have some peace and quiet from the usual commotion inside my skull, but this… This is weird. Almost like something’s going to happen but I don’t know what. And that thought scares me.

After a few minutes, a train pulls up alongside the platform and board it. I walk down a carriage or so before finding myself an empty seat away from anyone else. I sit down and lean up against the wall, my eyes drooping shut as the train begins to move. And soon enough, I fall asleep relatively quickly.

It’s peaceful for a while, the only thing I can really hear is the humming of the train and the occasional set of feet pass by me. But then suddenly, they stop. I try and open my eyes as I assume the train has stopped. But it hasn’t. I can still feel the slight vibration beneath me indicating that we are in fact, still moving. Everything then gets louder. Not the train or the noises around me, but my thoughts. They begin to race through my mind, beginning to hijack it. Images of my body rifling in pain on the manor floor, screaming, sobbing, begging for the pain to stop. My mother’s cold, cruel laugh layers itself over it alongside her yelling at me. The names she calls me throb in my skull: useless, disappointment, waste of space, not good enough, slacker, stupid. Rebecca’s voice tries to push through mother’s in an attempt to comfort my traumatised nine-year-old self after a scold and torturing from one of my parents. But the rest of them are drowned out by my father.

I’m waiting for you Delphini. I await your arrival.

Then everything stops, turning silent, an overwhelming fear lurking in the back of my mind. I try to push it away and focus on something else, anything else: the trees passing outside, the noise of the train. I try doodling a little in a notebook, scribbling circles and any other shape that comes to mind but it doesn’t do much to shut out the fear that’s crawling to overthrow my focus. Light-headedness kicks in and my vision blacks over and spins, my stomach churning. I try and control my breathing as I feel my hands start to tremble. I grab hold of my pen and try to continue drawing, sketching anything, anything that comes to mind to try and calm myself. After ten minutes or so of trying to take back control of my breathing and distracting my mind, I bring myself back to as calm and as sane I can get. 

I exhale heavily, relaxing the grip I have on the notebook. I stare down at the page that is now covered in scribbles, strange shapes and objects and animals. I can’t really make out a lot of what they are but there was definitely an attempt at a giraffe and an owl… I chuckle a little looking down at the chaos on the page. It’s all dreadful and shaky with violently drawn scribbly lines. I think I might just stick to my guitar…

After forty minutes or so, the train arrives at Paddington station. I gather up my things and get off. I make my way through the crowd of commuters, tourists and travellers making a pathetic attempt to not bump into anyone. However, I fail miserably and end up walking into a man who drops his phone onto the floor. He looks at me in shock and I apologise frantically. But he insists it’s okay and apologises himself, picking his, thankfully unbroken, phone up off the ground. I find the timetable and see if they have any trains running directly to Framlingham, or at least Ipswich. There isn’t to either so I glance around for a help desk and manage to spot one with a surprisingly small queue. I weave my way through the crowd over to it where an exhausted, rather fed up looking woman stares up at me.

“Hi. Um- are there any trains running to Ipswich?” I ask her.  
“Mmm, I don’t think so.” She types something into her computer and looks back up at me. “There aren’t any from here but if you take the Bakerloo line to Waterloo, then Jubilee to Stratford, there’s a train from there in an hour or so.”  
“Um- could I get a ticket for that please?”  
“Sure.” She prints off a ticket for me. “Fifteen pound please.”  
I rummage around for my purse and take out a ten-pound and a five-pound note, sliding them over to her and taking the ticket in exchange. “Thanks.”


	23. Stone Dead

February 2014 – Age 16

Brina and I walk steadily together down the hallway and towards the common room. There’s an atmosphere of tension and she’s turning pale.  
“I have something I need to tell you.” She says, her voice shaking slightly.  
“What is it? You can tell me.” I reply, smiling.  
She takes a deep breath, fiddling with her fingers, nervously. “My mum found out that her father was a squib. As in non-wizarding blood.”   
“How did they only just find out?”  
“They’ve known for a while but they didn’t want to tell me to try and keep us safe. He died before she was born so she knew almost nothing about him.” Her voice breaks. “Delphi, what if they kill me?”  
I squeeze her hand as we stop, abruptly. I look into her eyes that are now swimming with tears. “They won’t. I promise.”  
“How do you know that?” She snaps.  
“Because I won’t let them.” Her face relaxes slightly but is still tight with fear. I pull her into a hug, my stomach churning. What if they do? There’s nothing I can do. They won’t listen to me; they never have and they never will. I know it. But I just can’t say it out loud. 

But then Brina breaks away suddenly, any of the remaining colour now completely drained, leaving her face white as milk.   
“Brina?” I say, fear mixed into my voice.  
She looks back down the hall we just walked through. I turn to look at what she has seen, my heart coming to a stop. Three of my father’s followers march towards us, their ominous black robes flowing behind them. I recognise them. One of them is my mother’s ex-husband and my stepfather, Rudolphus. I’ve seen them in the house a lot and I think I’ve even had dinner with them once. However, that does not stop me from fearing them.

“Rudolphus, what’s going on?” I ask, my anxiety setting in through my body and my heart now racing in my chest. However, instead off a verbal answer, he shoves me violently away into the wall.   
“Rudolphus!” I cry out. “Rudolphus what’s happening?”  
“Brina Evettes, isn’t it?” he stares down at Brina who looks as if her knees are going to buckle beneath her.  
“Yes sir…” She mumbles, terrified.   
“We have received news that your grandfather was a squib, was he not?”  
“I hardly knew him I swear! I didn’t know until yesterday!”  
He grabs her wand from her and snaps it. I flinch as I see Rudolphus takes out his own.   
“Brina, Brina RUN.” I yell, making an attempt to push past a death eater.  
“Get AWAY.” He growls and I am thrown to the ground as I see Brina take off. However, she only gets a couple of strides before she is grabbed by Rudolphus, kicking and screaming and attempting to pull away with all her might. I fumble around for my wand but before I can, she is dragged away down the hall and around the corner.   
“Brina! BRINA!” I scream, my throat turning dry as I try and pull myself up. However, my legs are trembling so much that I am unable to stand and every attempt I make to pull myself up, I just fall back down again. There’s a commotion of shouting, screaming and bangs from around the corner. The flashing of green, red and gold and shadows dances across my view, taunting me to the fact that there is nothing I can do. “BRINA!” I scream again, hot tears now streaking down my face as I accept her fate. And then the noise stops. The flashing of spells stops and I watch the group of death eaters’ shadows retreat around the corner and away from me. I stay on the ground for a moment, everything silent as I lie there in pure and utter shock. “No… No, please…” I stammer as I pull myself up. I stagger down the hall and around the corridor, clinging to the wall to balance myself, the dread of seeing Brina’s body on the floor building up within me. “Brina?” I turn the corner, blinking back my tears and clearing my view to an empty hallway. And instantly my brain jumps to the worst-case scenario. She’s dead. She has to be dead. There can’t be any alternative. My father’s laws would never show that much mercy to her.

“Brina…”   
They must’ve taken her body. They must’ve moved it. However, a glint of gold catches my eye, something on the floor streams through the windows. I stumble over to it and latch my shaking hands around Brina’s pocket watch. I just stare at, letting the tears flow down my face. I just feel numb from the shock, numb from knowing that the one person left in my life who gave two shits about me is gone. She made my life worth living. She made me whole. I loved her. I loved her so fucking much. And my all because of my own fucking father, she is dead. She’s gone. I get the sensation that I can’t breathe as I choke on my own tears, clutching the pocket-watch towards my chest. 

And then, despite my utter numbness, I feel my heart shatter within me.


	24. Rain and Coffee

After two hours on tubes and trains, I arrive in Ipswich. The sky has turned a murky, grim grey and rain has begun to pour down. As I walk down the platform towards the exit, I pull out my coat. It doesn’t have a hood but at least my jacket does, plus it keeps the rest of me dry. I slip it on and pull my hood over my head. I can’t wait this out, I don’t have the time. It’s a day’s walk to the manor at best and Voldemort day is approaching, fast. It’s the end of March and I need the time to lay low before I can carry out the last part of this stupid plan.   
However, I am beginning to feel the impact of my journeying. I am exhausted constantly, my legs and my feet are aching and are covered in blisters despite my boots being well worn in and soft. I’m just tired, but somehow, I lie awake at night, drowning in my thoughts and nightmares. I am sleeping too much or too little and I constantly have this overwhelming anxiety at the pit of my stomach. I wake up, I feel dread. I start walking, I begin to ask myself ‘what if?’ questions. Over and over again. I stop for the night, anything in my stomach feels like it will reappear at any moment. 

Perhaps it’s just uncertainty as to what will happen? But uncertainty doesn’t make you question every thought, every action, every miniscule movement? But I try and push this thought back through the web of the rest of them.   
Eventually, I reach the station exit, thunder clapping overhead and rain hammering down hard, soaking through my jeans and even my coat in a matter of seconds. I scout around through the dripping wet hair plastered to my face and spot a café just across the road. I sprint across to it and push open the door, taking my hood down and being hit by a wave of warm air. The place is relatively busy, mainly full of people, like me, avoiding the awful weather outside. I order a coffee plus a slice of cake to treat myself before collecting it and finding an empty seat. I sit down, peeling off my coat and hanging it off the back of my chair. 

Hey Del, you doing okay?  
My heart skips a beat and I look up and see Brina sat on the chair opposite me, a warm smile on her face.  
“Absolutely shattered, worrying twenty-four-seven, other than that, surprisingly okay I guess?” I smile back.  
Get some sleep tonight okay? You look exhausted…  
“I am.” I chuckle slightly.  
How’s the whole plan thing going?  
“I think I have a plan? But it’s not great.”  
I’m surprised you’ve even got the start of one to be honest.  
We both laugh. “It’s more than I had four months ago. So, that’s a start I guess.”  
God, I’m glad about that. Everything else in general okay?  
“I think?”  
Want to talk about anything?  
“Not really. I don’t know how, you know? But I’m alright Brina, you don’t need to worry too much about me. I’m getting there slowly. Well, very slowly. But I’m still clean.”  
How long?  
“Three months I think. Almost four.”  
That’s amazing! You’re doing great. That’s a massive achievement. I’m so so proud of you…


	25. End of the Driveway

March 2017 – Age 19  
I have begun nearing the manor. I am only ten minutes from the end of the driveway and the fear has set in. It’s intensifying with each step I take towards the place. It began when I got off the train however, now the butterflies in my stomach have been devoured by what feels like a tidal wave sloshing and churning within me. I have the urge to back out, to pretend as if they never existed. But I have to, not for myself. But for every witch or wizard who has suffered due to the oppression and prejudice of my father.  
I can’t just wander into the manor, it’ll be swarming with Death Eaters. There is no way I could get in without being caught. I’ll have to use an invisibility charm, something I have never been able to hold for more than a few minutes. But then again, that was in fourth year. And now I’m nineteen. I have to.  
And so I reach the gateway at the end of the driveway. The two pedestals stand, bearing the iron serpent statues on top of them. I can’t help but lock my eyes onto the dark, ominous shape of the manor a few hundred yards away.. the whole world instantly feels colder, darker, more dangerous. My heart pounds furiously in my chest and I exhale shakily. I pull my wand out and mutter the incantation before watching my body camouflage into the surroundings. However, being invisible does not make you silent. So, I walk along the grass instead of the gravel that crunches loudly beneath your feet.  
And then I begin to make my way down towards the manor, palms sweating, heart racing, fear pumping itself through me. I do not break my gaze at the manor, which approaches quicker and quicker, its dark shadow beginning to loom over me. I want to turn around, scream, run in the opposite direction, do anything I can to get away from the place. But I mustn’t. I cant. And then, somehow, my terror reduces. But then it boils inside my chest into anger. I clench my jaw, quickening my stride, a wave of courage washing over me.   
This is for Brina. For everyone who has suffered due to the prejudice inflicted by my father. It is unreasoned, unjust, wrong, inhumane. And people are suffering all because of something they have no control over. They are tortured, attacked, assaulted, murdered for what their blood consists of. It enrages me. It always has. People are put through absolute hell, all because their blood is not perfect, they are not ‘pure’ Brina was killed because of this. Because of this unreasonable view. She’s dead because of the prejudice my father inflicts.  
My anger fuels me like petrol does a car, the determination spreading out through my body. The manor edges closer and closer with every step I take, my breathing heavy and laboured. Each step is one step closer to hope, to salvation, to justice, to peace, to equality. The manor may be a place of pain, a place of torment and fear, but this desperation within me fills me with somewhat determination and courage.  
And soon enough, I am stood in-front of the dark oak doors in which trauma, evil and pain lies behind…


	26. Pneumonia

May 2011 – Age 13  
I lie weakly, exhausted in bed, my throat scratchy and dry. I cough every so often and it scrapes my throat like barbed wire. The door creaks open and I see Rebecca wander in, holding a tray and a warm smile on her face.   
“Feeling any better today?” She asks, setting the tray down on the bedside table and sitting down beside me.   
“Not much better, no.” I croak, my voice weak and scratchy.  
“Aw… Well, let’s take your temperature then I bought you some breakfast.”  
“Thank you…”  
“Shh, don’t talk, you don’t want to strain your voice.”  
I sit up, taking the tray from the side table. It’s porridge. It’s one of the only things I can physically eat at the moment, anything else is too painful to swallow.   
“In other new, I finally got a diagnosis from the doctor.”  
“What is it then?”  
“Pneumonia.” Rebecca sighs.  
“Does it kill you?”  
“Well, you’re very much a fit and healthy young lady so, no. It won’t. However, others aren’t as lucky, like my brother…”  
“He had a condition the muggles call Cystic Fibrosis. It’s a genetic disease, its been in my family for years. He caught pneumonia. He didn’t make it…”  
Her smile fades a little, tears pricking in her eyes, shining in the light that flows through the window.  
“Oh.. I’m sorry, I didn’t know about that…” I offer an attempt to comfort her, but instead, the smile reappears on her face. She squeezes my shoulder and takes out a bottle of antibiotics from her pocket.   
“Doctor said two at a time, one set in the morning, one in the evening. Okay?”  
I nod. She pours out a set and hands them to me. I wash them down with a glass of water.  
“Bless you…” She rubs my cheek, “Being ill’s never fun.”  
“Not particularly.” I chuckle. “I mean, at least I don’t have to be at school.”  
“What’s wrong with school?”  
“It’s just not a great place when you don’t fit in.”  
“What do you mean?”  
“I just don’t have a lot of friends, that’s all… Don’t worry about it.”  
“No I am worried. You can talk to me you know that?”  
“It’s just that I’m the Dark Lord’s child and so people think I’m like him when- I’m really not.”


	27. Nagini

March 2017 - Age 19  
My heart pounds as I reach for the door handle, but in my fear, I pull away. I can’t do this. I can’t face it. Come on Delphi, you CAN do it. You’ve got this far you dipshit, you can bloody well keep going. I exhale shakily before reaching for the door handle again, my hand trembling. And then I grab it, the feeling of cool metal clasped in my palm. I twist it and open it slowly. This door always had a tendency to creak and if you opened it too fast, it would send a screeching noise down the hallways. I open it to the minimum I need to be able to slip in subtly. It’s not glamorous but it does the job. I close it slowly behind me, attempting for it to be utterly silent.   
And so I turn around and stare into the entranceway, the black crystal chandelier still hanging ominously above the polished wooden floor . I gulp in fear. But I cannot show my fear. I need to find this bloody snake, kill it and get out of this place in one piece. Simple. Well, that’s when you’re mentally stable. Unlike me. I’m getting weaker by the day, I left this house never wanting to return. But now I’m back. Because I must be if there is any hope left for the future of the wizarding world.  
I begin walking slow, small baby steps. Just to start off, get myself up together. But I speed up, extending my stride towards where I hope this thing will be. Muttering emerges from around the corner and my stomach flips. I plaster myself up against he wall as two Death Eaters walk past, somehow not suspicious of anything. I hold my breath, squeezing my eyes shut. They continue away and I carry on down the hallway, now jogging.  
My head is getting busier and busier with shouting, yelling, my own screaming. My mother’s voice is clear as day within it, yelling at me for something I have no control over. But I guess I deserve to be screamed at, tortured, hurt. I am the problem. I always have been.  
And then I run, fully aware my invisibility charm has now worn away and I am making as much noise as an elephant charging down the hall. But I don’t care. I don’t care what happens now. Killing this snake is my only hope for my ultimate goal: Killing my father. I carry on charging down the hallway towards my father’s study. He’s never allowed me in there. I’ve never been in there and I hardly even know what it looks like inside. I’ve only ever had a few seconds glance through a slightly open door. All I remember was a dark oak chair with Nagini circling it’s legs. The floor was a strange black tiling that reflected the roaring fire presumably at the side of the room. If Nagini was anywhere, She’ll be in there. But I’m just afraid what else I may find in there. What if Father is in there? What if he’s waiting for me? Waiting for me to bring my sorry self to the mercy of his wand.   
The thought of seeing my father waiting for me sets off panic within me as I reach the door to his study. I hardly steady my hands enough to draw my wand, let alone turn the door handle. I hold my breath and squeeze my eyes shut as I push the door open. Silence. I open my eyes to an empty room. He’s not in here. Thank Merlin. However, in the corner sits a large, silver cage with a vicious snake held within it.   
Nagini hisses as I close the door behind me. She shrinks to the back of her cage, bearing her pearl white fangs and her forked, pink tongue. Before I go over to her, I take time to look around the room. I’ve always been curious as to what is in here. All there is, is a dark, mahogany desk, covered in stacks of paper and a emerald quill. A large, green leather armchair sits behind it and an empty fireplace is situated on the right wall. The wall opposite is filled with books on the dark arts and dark magic, boxes, files and vials of liquids, presumably poisons or potions with deadly properties. The floor is less- shiny- than I remember; it’s dull, dirty and scuffed.  
But then I turn and focus on the task at hand, the task I am here to complete. I step towards the cage, adrenaline being pumped through my veins. Nagini bears her fangs again, hissing. Her deadly yellow eyes fixed on me as I fix mine on her. Luckily she’s cadged. Otherwise I’d probably be lying on the floor with her venom running through my body, slowly killing me. 

I draw my wand, plant my feet and breathe deeply. I grasp my wand, pointing it directly at the ever more enraged snake. For Brina, I tell myself. For everyone. For me, for Rebecca, for Brina, for anyone who has suffered due to my father.

Worthless, disappointment, disgrace, shame.  
Weak, hurt, detestable, disgrace.  
Disgrace.  
WORTHLESS. WEAK.

My mind screams at me. But I fight it. I fight it hard. I am strong. I know I am strong. I’ve gotten this bloody far and I can keep fucking fighting.  
“Avada Kedavera!” I shout. A green jet of light hits Nagini and she drops to the floor, fading into an ominous, black smoke which dissolves into the air. I freeze.

I did it. I did it.  
That snake is dead. She’s finally dead. That’s one large part of my plan done. I’ve done it. Only thing is, I still need to get out of here. Celebrate when you’re half done then the finish won’t be as fun. Rebecca used to say it. I can’t stop now. There’s a lot more to do.  
And so, I turn around and run out the door. But I stop. I have an urge. I cannot fight it. Instead of going to the door, I sprint in the opposite direction, up the stairs and to my old room. It’s near enough that I can get what I need and get out of here. My heart pounds and my arm tingles with an urge. I try to fight it, supress it to the back of my mind, but it’s hijacked me. I can’t turn around. And before I know it, I’m at the door to my old bedroom. I turn the handle slowly and walk in slowly to see everything is untouched. The bed isn’t made, paper is still strewn across my desk and on the floor and a pile of clothes remains on the chair. However, the note I left before I ran away is gone. I presume mother found it.   
I rush over to my dresser, pull open the second to bottom drawer and fumble around my shirts for a small, plain box. I take two more shirts and replace the others in my bag as well along with a few more bits like undergarments and trousers. My fingers clasp around the wooden lid of the box I am searching for. I pull it off and find several blades from places like razors or old pencil sharpeners. They glint in the dull, march evening sun through a crack in the curtains. I pause, staring at them, unsure whether to take them or not. But then I take two from the box and slip them into a small pocket inside my bag. My stomach twists. Why? Why do I do this? It’s unhealthy. I’ve been clean for months now. I don’t want to give in. But I don’t know how much longer I’m going to last. There’s not much else that helps.  
I replace the box, shut the drawer and leave. I run down the hallway and back down the stairs in a panic, my vision slightly blurred and foggy. I go to turn the corner and leg it down the final hallway to the door but instead, I run straight into someone. I fall hard to the ground, slamming my head back on the floor. I yell out of shock. I lay there, regaining myself before hauling myself up, my head throbbing. I stand up only to meet a set of sapphire blue eyes and dark hair that sits around their shoulder. They have a soft, familiar face. My heart stops. “Rebecca?”


	28. Rebecca

March 2017 – Age 19  
We stare at each other for a moment, simply in shock. “Rebecca I- I- thought you- I thought you were dead.” I stutter.  
“I’m sorry, who- who are you?” she asks, confused. My heart sinks.  
“It’s me, Delphi?” I reply, desperate. She doesn’t recognise me. Does that mean- surely, she’d be able to recognise me anywhere. But then again, I’ve changed a lot. I hardly even recognise myself now a days. Her eyes then widen, filling with tears. “It’s Delphi.” I repeat. And then she pulls me into a tight, comforting hug. I let myself melt into her, tears pricking at my eyes.   
“I thought I had lost you. I spent months looking for you!” her voice shakes with shock. For the first time in months, I feel safe, I feel relief. “I didn’t recognise you, I’m sorry, I should have.”  
“No, it’s okay. I hardly recognise myself now.”  
We pull apart but she doesn’t take her eyes from me. She tucks a strand of hair behind my ear. “My little girl is all grown up now…” she rubs my cheek, grasping my hand. “It’s good to see you…”  
“It’s good to see you too…” I smile. “Rebecca, look, I need to leave, I’m sorry.”  
“W-what? But I- “  
“It’s not safe here for me. If- if they find me here-“   
“Then let’s go, I’m coming with you.”  
“No! It’s too dangerous!” but before I can reason with, he, she pulls me down the rest of the hallway, taking her bag and cloak from the foyer.   
“Rebecca- no.”  
“I’m coming with you. I don’t care how dangerous it is, I can’t tolerate this place or these people any longer.”  
“I- “  
“Now, come on, we need to go before they find out you’re hear.”  
She throws open the door, grabs my wrist before the world around us collapses and I feel myself being squeezed through a tube, my stomach left on the front step. And then the surroundings reappear but my ankle suddenly sears with pain and I collapse to the ground.  
“Delphi!” Rebecca cries, dropping to the floor beside me.  
I stare down and my ankle is in an awkward position and blood has begun to seep through my jeans. “FUCK.” I scream, the throbbing and stinging within my leg intensifying. Rebecca frantically pulls my boot off, rolls up my trouser leg and stares at the damage. It’s most definitely broken. “Shit…”  
“Did we just apparate?” I ask, weakly.  
“Y-yes. What, have you not apparated before?” she panics.  
“NO!”   
“Shit, you’ve been splinched, badly…”  
“Yeah, no shit sherlock!”  
She pulls off her scarf and wraps it tightly around my ankle. “I have Dittany in my bag, it’ll help heal the skin.”  
“Yeah, and what about the break?”  
She pulls out her wand and stutters “Brackium Emendo,” Pointing her wand at my ankle. There is a small flash of blue before the throbbing fades and my ankle resets to its normal position. I exhale in relief, still breathing heavily. Rebecca fumbles through her bag, pulling everything out, her face dropping.   
“I don’t have the Dittany…” She says, shakily.  
“It’s fine… the worst of it’s gone.”  
“You always pull through. You always have…” her voice breaks. I can see that she is also about to break. I shuffle myself over to her and wrap my arms around her. She sobs onto my shoulder.  
“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry…”  
“Shh, it’s okay.” I make a pathetic attempt to comfort her.  
“I should’ve been there for you. I should’ve protected you.”  
“Rebecca- “  
“I just wanted to- “  
“Rebecca, listen to me.” I pull apart, grasping her hands. “It’s not your fault. I’m still here don’t worry.”  
“But you’re not my little girl anymore.”  
“But I’m still Delphi. That won’t change. I’ll always be your Delphi. Always.”  
There is a moment of silence, stillness. We look at each other in the eyes. I can sense her fragility. She just wants to protect me, keep me safe, keep me happy. She cares more about me than herself… And that’s why I fear for her life.

“Let me clean that ankle up, alright?” she smiles at me, taking the scarf off my ankle and a bottle of water from her bag.


	29. Infections and Scars

March 2017 – Age 19  
Rebecca and I sit on the forest floor, me half asleep and ankle now throbbing again. It’s still painful and I’m struggling to walk. The bleeding has stopped but neither of us have bandages, so we made do with Rebecca’s violet and grey scarf. However, I doubt it will ever be violet and grey ever again, seeing as it’s now stained scarlet with my blood.  
“How you are doing over there?” Rebecca asks, taking what looks like a bar of chocolate out of her bag.  
“A bit warm, ankle is throbbing, stings a bit. Other than that, okay?” I reply, half asleep. Rebecca is bundled up in a coat, cheeks rosy and fingers pink whilst I am sweating through my tunic. My baby hairs are glued down to my forehead and my chest is soaking. She places her hand against my forehead. “Delphi, that’s not a little warm…”  
My body feels weaker and weaker by the second and I am struggling to stay awake. She strips off my jacket and frantically unties the scarf around my ankle, the colour draining from her face. “Shit.”  
“What’s wrong?” I mumble.  
“Oh, that’s infected.” She fumbles around and pulls out a small bottle of green liquid and a bottle of water.  
“Bloody hell you have everything in there.”  
“Undetectable extension charm. Surprisingly useful.” She pours the water over my ankle, wiping it with a handkerchief. She adds a few drops of the green liquid to the wound, a sharp sting sent through my leg. I wince.  
“Tea tree oil. It should help heal it. It’s a popular muggle remedy. The next chance we get, we’ll get some antibiotics from a pharmacy. They should do the rest.” She pulls out yet another scarf, this time a dark blue. She adds a few more drops of tea tree oil and then wraps the scarf around my ankle again.  
“Bloody hell, what else have you got in there?”  
“Oh, food, clothes, floo powder, books, money and a- saucepan- I think.”  
“We laugh lightly. But then her smile fades ever so slightly. Its subtle but I notice it. She looks at me, a look of shock, sadness an almost hurt replacing it. I take notice of the reason quickly. My sleeves only reach my elbows; therefore my scars are very much visible. She’s seen them and looks away.  
“Rebecca- “  
“No, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t ask about them. I guess you didn’t really want me to see them.”  
“No… not really…”  
“No, I respect that. I- I shouldn’t have said anything. But- is there anything I can do to help?”  
“I’m not sure… it’s okay, don’t worry. I’ve tried hiding them for years. I think it’s time I got some confidence.   
“Is it a coping mechanism? Or is it something else?”  
“It’s mainly just a coping mechanism but it’s also taking it out on myself… But I’ve been clean for four months now.”  
“That’s amazing. Look at you. You’re doing great.” She pinches my cheek softly.  
“It’s been hard don’t get me wrong. But it feels like I’ve actually achieved something.”  
“You have achieved something. Four whole months, that’s incredible. I’m so proud of you. So would Brina…”  
“You know about Brina?”  
“Of course, I know about her. Did you not think I didn’t notice her coming to the house every night for a week in summer a few years ago?”  
“Wait- what?”  
“I always knew you we’re friends but just the way you seemed to look at each other, I knew, there was something else between you.”  
“You didn’t tell my parents about- “  
“No! Of course, I didn’t. I never would. Don’t you worry.”  
“You didn’t- hear anything the first night she came over, did you?”  
“No, I just heard someone walking up the drive an looked out the window and it was her. I watched her climb up to your window and I saw you let her in. I didn’t want to interfere, so I just went back to sleep.”  
“Okay, good.”  
“Was there something I should be worried about?”  
“What? No!” I blush slightly.  
“You’re blushing. But I don’t know if you’ve still got a temperature.” She places her hand on my forehead again. “Nope, you’re definitely blushing. What did I miss that night?”  
“Nothing.” I laugh, knowing that if I tell her what ACTUALLY happened that night, she’d probably have a go at me and then lecture me.  
“Well, suit yourself.” She laughs. “All I ask is that you definitely gave consent?”


	30. To London

April 2017 – Age 19  
“So what happened after he attacked you?” Rebecca asks, curiosity spiked in her voice.   
“It turned into some kind of fight.”  
“Oh dear lord…”  
“Some people nearby saw it and called the police. The rest of them managed to get away but I didn’t.”  
“oh for Merlin’s sake Delphi!”  
“He tried to SNAP MY ARM! Okay?!”  
“I presume you were arrested then?”   
“Yeah…” I take my gaze away from her, “I got questioned, spent a night or so in a cell.”  
“Delphini Lestrange of all the stupid things!”  
“I’m sorry, okay? It’s hardly my fault. They declared it self-defence and they were going to release me but then send me to a hospital.”  
“They were going to? What do you mean?”  
“Thing is- what happened is-“  
“Bloody hell, you broke out didn’t you?”  
“No, not me. Some woman, Hermione Granger or something, got me out and obliviated the officers. Then after all that, her and the others claimed to be the Order of the Phoenix or some shit like that.”  
“Language, young lady!” She yells. She never likes it when I swear. She never has. I swore once by accident when I broke one of the strings on my guitar when I was fourteen and she gave me a very firm warning…  
“I’ve sworn three times already with you and only now you think to bring it up?”  
“I let you off the first two times because it was my fault. But now, I don’t want to hear any more.”  
“But you swore!”  
“Yes I did but-“  
“Exactly.” I laugh and she elbows me, chuckling. “Oi!”  
“so what happened after that?” She asks as I calm a little.”  
“I didn’t believe them as they had been trying to find me.”  
“What?”  
“Exactly!” I laugh again before actually realising the severity of it all. “So then I ran off. I got a train from some place called Twyford and up to London. And then from there to Ipswich. I got back to the manor, snuck in miraculously without being caught, killed that bloody snake and- found you…”  
“Say what if you hadn’t found me? What would you have done next?”  
“I- don’t really know, I haven’t thought about that…” I sigh a little. I haven’t thought about if I hadn’t come across her. The idea hadn’t crossed my mind, I honestly don’t know… Rebecca shrugs, taking out what looks like a bar of chocolate from her bag.  
“Chocolate?” she offers it to me, “I find it helps ease stress.”  
I snap a section off and nibble on it, going slow as its very rich stuff. I haven’t had chocolate for a while.  
“So, where next?” Rebecca asks.  
“London until V-Day.”  
“V-Day? What’s that?”  
“Voldemort day. Brina and I used to shorten it to V-Day back at Hogwarts.”  
“Then after that?”  
“I kill my son of a bitch father.”  
Rebecca elbows me in disapproval, not of my assassination plan but my language.  
“So you’re letting me kill my own father but not use explicit language? Seriously?!”  
“Seriously!” she laughs, taking a blanket from her bag and I take mine out as well, wrapping it around me tightly. She places hers across our legs as its much bigger than mine. She puts her arm around me and I almost melt into her. I feel safe, I feel loved, valued.   
“You get some sleep okay?” she squeezes my arm.  
“I’ll give it a go.”  
She cares for me, she loves me. She tries to protect me, shield me from harm. She always has.   
And that’s why I fear for her life. She’ll do anything to prevent me from harm. Even if it means sacrificing herself for me…  
***   
“Two tickets to London please.” Rebecca hands over the money and takes the tickets in return. We then wander over to the platform where we wait for the train in the cool April morning air. We have a while until the train so she treats us to a coffee and a pack of a muggle chocolate called Maltesers. I’ve never had them before but they’re quite nice. Nice enough for me to finish pretty much the entire bag, only leaving Rebecca three… I apologise but she insists it’s fine.   
“So we still have a month till V-Day. What are we going to do in that time?” Rebecca asks, keeping her voice to a minimum to avoid attracting unwanted attention to ourselves.  
“Find a place to stay, lay low for a bit, get ready…” I reply, keeping my voice on the same level as hers.  
“I have a friend in Soho. She rents out a flat to people and I’m sure she’ll let us stay there for the time being.”  
“Soho? Huh…” I shrug, “You took me there once when I was a kid to go to the theatre didn’t you?”  
“Yes, I did… I remember that. It was for your birthday I think. What did we see again?”  
“Le Mis I think?”  
“Yes it was! I remember now. You fell asleep on the way home on the train.”  
I chuckle lightly as the train pulls into the station. We wait for it to stop before the doors open and we step on. We wander down a few carriages before we find an empty set of seats. The carriage we’re in is pretty much empty expect for a few groups of school kids sat a few meters down from us.   
“Nervous?” Rebecca asks me, picking up on my tenseness.   
“For what?” I reply, despite knowing exactly what she means.  
“The whole killing Vol-“ She pauses, lowering her voice, “Your father, thing?”  
“In general, yes… at the moment, not too much. Closer to the time I will be utterly shitting myself…”  
“What did we just talk about Delphi?”  
“A flat in Soho?”  
“Your language!”  
“Sorry, mum!”  
Rebecca’s face suddenly breaks. She turns away. Guilt twangs in my stomach, I know I’ve upset her. I know it and I feel awful for it…  
“Rebecca- I’m sorry.”  
“No, it’s fine.”  
“No I’m-“  
“I said it’s fine, Delphi. Please. Just leave it…” She turns away, tears flooding her eyes but she tries her best to hold them back and not show she’s upset. She always hides her feelings, she always has. Only recently she’s started opening up but I don’t want her to go back to pushing them down. She stares out the window as I look down at my feet.  
“I’m going to the bathroom.” I say, getting up but Rebecca simply nods and continues to stare out the window. I get up and walk down through the train, my stomach churning with guilt and frustration. Rebecca sees me as her child. I don’t blame her. she spent more time with me in a week than my mother would in a year. She cares for me deeply, she always has. She was more of a mother to me than Bellatrix ever was. She was calm and bright rather than a torturer. She knows more about me than even I do, let alone Bellatrix.   
I lock the bathroom door behind me as I walk in. I splash some water on my face to calm myself down a little but I stare up into the mirror. I look myself into the eyes which are unconsciously filling with tears. I’m used to it now. Tears are a usual, pretty much daily occurrence. I haven’t gone a day in the past year without them. I am numb to the cause, I am numb to a lot of things but I still feel a certain few things. And when they do, they are felt greatly and they pain me. Like a huge black storm on a sea of emotions, myself a tiny ever sinking boat on the vast, deep, rough water.  
I leave the bathroom and wander back to the seats where Rebecca is still staring out the window, completely zoned out. I sit down again.  
“Rebecca, I’m sorry, I didn’t think…” I apologise.  
“It’s fine, just forget about it.” She snaps.  
“You don’t seem fine about it though?”  
“Delphi, for the last bloody time, It’s fine. Honestly. We have bigger things to worry about than this.”  
“If you say so…”

We stay quiet for the next hour or so, a tension hanging in the air between us. After another half an hour of small conversation about cooking when we get somewhere to stay, we arrive in London. We get off the train and figure out where the flat is in terms of the tube. We take the underground to Waterloo where we change again to the Bakerloo line. It’s relatively empty for a Wednesday morning; we’re more or less the only ones in the car except for a handful of commuters. We get off again at Piccadilly circus where, unlike the tube, it is heaving with people; businessmen, tourists, theatre-goers, ordinary people going about ordinary things in their ordinary lives. We both make a rather appalling attempt to get through and down Shaftsbury avenue and onto Old Compton street. There’s a small line of freshly painted houses with balconies overgrowing with plants that crawl up the walls and tangle across the window frames. We stop at number 14 where Rebecca walks up the steps to the glossy black door and rings the bell. There is a small pause before the door creaks open and a woman with bronze skin and dark, frizzy hair and a rounded face faces us. She has a warm smile as she laughs.  
“Well, hello!”  
“Hey June!” Rebecca smiles and the two hug tightly.  
“I haven’t seen you for a while Becca. What brings you here?”  
The two separate. “Well, we were wondering if you were still letting out that flat?”  
“Yes! I am!. It’s empty at the moment and I’ve had no one look at it so you’re more than welcome to take it.”  
“For how much?”  
“I’ll give you a discount, usually I’d put it out for nine-hundred per month as it’s quite large.”  
“It’s not cheap here either.”  
“yeah, that’s central London for you… I’ll do five-hundred for you.”  
“We only need it for a few weeks, maybe not even a month. So, we’ll take it.”  
“Brilliant, come in and make yourself at home.” She ushers us in, shutting the door behind us. “Oh- sorry I didn’t catch your name?” she turns to me.  
“Oh- um- Delphi. I’m Rebecca’s- Rebecca’s daughter.” I reply, shaking her hand gently. I see Rebecca smile to herself out the corner of my eye.  
“I didn’t know you had a daughter Becca? You look quite old to be her daughter?” She chuckles.  
“She’s my adoptive- daughter.” Rebecca slides her coat off, the smile still on her face. It’s nice seeing her happy like this. Maybe lies can do good?  
“Well, why don’t I show you that flat and you can both get settled then?”


	31. Rain on the Window Outside

April 2017 – Age 19  
I lie on the bed in the flat, staring blankly up at the ceiling. Rebecca’s gone out to get groceries and I’m just trying to rest my ankle. It’s not fully healed and hasn’t dealt well with all the travelling we’re doing. It’s getting more and more painful by the day with every leg of this journey I take. But it’s not the main thing on my mind. Hell, it’s the least of my worries at the moment. The thing that’s commandeered my mind is the thought of what I’m going to do after (well, if) I kill my father. What do I do then? Where do I go? What will happen to me? And this voice in my head keeps whispering to me over and over “end it”. It makes my head pound and my stomach curdle. But I guess it’s an option if it all goes to absolute shit. I made a deal with myself almost four months ago. If I kill him, I’ll go clean. I’ve been so close to relapsing recently. I’m about one small inconvenience away from breaking it. But I can’t I’ve held up this far, I must keep going and bury those impulses. I’ve held up somehow.  
It takes all the energy I have to pull myself up and ready to leave. I’ll go down to the pharmacy and get a pack of paracetamol, kill two birds with one stone. The first, the pain in my ankle. The second- well, in-case it all goes up in smoke. I’ll have a way out instead of living with the guilt that I couldn’t kill my father.  
But just as I pull my laces tight, the door opens and Rebecca walks in, two large paper bags of shopping held in her arms. I take one off her to help her out and place it on the counter.  
“Oh, were you going out?” she asks, unpacking the bags.  
“Yeah, I was going to get some painkillers from a pharmacy or something.” I reply “Ankle isn’t doing great.”  
“Oh, well, I bought some when I was out. I didn’t know if you needed it. Saves you a trip I guess. Ankle still bad?”  
“Yeah. It’s just been sore the past few days.”  
Rebecca waves her wand and the groceries take themselves to the cupboards. She picks up the pack of paracetamol and pulls out the tray, popping out two tablets. I run myself a lass of water , take the pills and wash them down quickly.   
“Hey, you alright? You seem a bit drowsy…”  
“tried, that’s all.” I shrug, placing the glass on the side.  
“Why don’t you go and take a nap?” she suggests. “It’s raining outside.”  
I turn around and see the rain hammering down outside the window. “So it is…”  
“You used to love the sound of rain.” Rebecca rubs my cheek. “I used to come and check on you on those rainy nights and you’d be sound asleep, curled up in a ball in your sheets and this massive smile plastered on your face.” Her eyes suddenly turn glassy. “I miss your smile…”  
“So do I.” I say, my voice cracking. I miss feeling- happy. I miss being a child. I miss just being happy, not having a care in the world.   
“What happened?”  
“I grew up…”  
Rebecca pulls me into a tight, motherly hug. “You’re a beautiful young lady now though. You are perfect the way you are and I am so lucky that I could raise you.”  
“Can I go for my nap now please?” I laugh lightly.  
“Oh go on then.” She lets me go, chuckling, and I wander back to my room.  
However, instead of my bed, I sit against the glass door to the balcony. I lean my head back against the cool glass and listen to the rain patter against it. Goosebumps appear on my neck and a tingle runs down my back as I shut my eyes. The rain gets heavier and heavier, louder and louder. But then the commotion in my mind joins in. my thoughts hammer inside my skull, drowning out the salvation of the sound of rain outside. They crumble in on themselves, pounding and thumping, taunting my exhausted consciousness. They are an ever growing demon within me, feasting away on any hope, salvation and will I have left. There is one time and one time only this demon can be released. Other than that one specific point, it must remain within me. It’s always there, no matter how ‘good’ something gets. It’s always there to pull you back down. I must obey it, feed it, control it. I must let it feast on my mind to keep it caged. It must remain that way until a time comes when it can be released. And when that time comes, all hell will break loose, within my head and around me…

I lie against the window for another hour or so, the chaos inside my head calming and getting quieter, my thoughts finally retreating. They turn silent after an hour of torment and exhaustion. The only sound I now hear is the gentle patter of rain behind me. I take the chance, the eye of the storm, and shut my eyes, attempting to fall asleep. And soon enough, I do. The noise of the world silences. It is peaceful. I have a chance to breathe, a chance to relax for a precious few moments.  
Delphi? I hear a small voice peep, almost as if we are underwater. Delphi?  
Brina… her voice echoes through me. And then it gets slightly deeper, changes from a soft Scottish one to a southern English one.  
“Delphi.” They say again and I open my eyes slowly.  
“Brina?” I mumble, before realising who it is crouching in front of me.  
“It’s me, it’s just Rebecca.” She smiles. I stare over at the clock. I thought I was asleep for twenty minutes or so. Turns out it was almost three hours. I fell asleep at about four and it’s just before seven…  
“You’ve been in here for four hours. Are you alright? Did you sleep at all?”  
“For three of those four hours? Yes, surprisingly.”  
“You must’ve been exhausted, love. Well, It’s almost seven in the evening. I’ve made dinner if you’re hungry.”  
“I’m not- I’m not that hungry.”  
“Delphi, you haven’t eaten anything since eight this morning. Is everything okay?”  
I break my eyes away as they fill with tears.  
“Honey, are you alright?”  
And in that moment, I break all over again. I let the tears fall, I let all the emotions that have built up within me, out.  
“Hey, hey… come here…” She wraps her arms around me and I cling onto her, sobbing onto her shoulder. She strokes the back of my hair gently trying to comfort me.  
“I just- I-“ I struggle to get my words out between a horrible combination of my tears and irregular breathing.  
“It’s okay, take your time, there’s no rush.”  
“I miss Brina- I just feel so- lost, so alone without her. And there’s this- thing, inside my head and it just always brings me back down, it tells me I’m not enough, it torments me. And I can’t stop it! I can’t stop it!”  
“Delphi, you are not alone. You are not alone, do you hear me? You are so loved, I will always be here for you-“  
“That’s what she said,” I tear myself away in my frenzy, “That’s what she said before they killed her, HE KILLED HER!”  
“Delphi!” Rebecca grabs my wrists, “Look at me!”  
I do not look at her, I look in the direction of where I’ve hidden my blades, the urges within me getting stronger and stronger and stronger with every second I am sat here. I need to, I need to. I need to release some of this. But I can’t, I don’t want to. I’ve been clean for so long, the longest I ever have. I can’t break it, I just can’t. But I don’t know if I can resist these. These urges are stronger than any that I’ve had in the past four months and they are almost impossible to push back down. They just seep back through the cracks in my soul and work their way back into my mind, over taking any other thoughts in my head.   
“Look at me, Delphi, please.” Rebecca begs, shaking me slightly. I snap out of my urge and my trance and look back to Rebecca. “There we go, there. That’s good, okay?”  
I nod, shakily, looking at her in her eyes that swim with plead and desperation for me to look back at her.   
“Listen to me, okay?”  
I nod again, “Yeah, I’m listening…” I mumble, my words hoarse and broken.  
“You aren’t alone. I promise. You. Are. Not Alone.”


	32. Piccadilly Circus

1st May 2017 – Age 19  
It’s about ten at night, the streets are dark and the rain is still pouring down for a third day on end. I sit on the sofa, a bowl of pasta in-front of me on my lap. I cannot eat it. I have a sickness in my stomach as it twists itself into knots of anxiety. It’s overwhelming any senses I have, the ‘what if’ questions circling my head, drowning out anything else that comes to mind. I cannot rid them from my system. I stare at my food, moving it around the bowl with my fork, the whole world zoned out, the only noise being these questions in my head.  
“Delphi?” Rebecca asks. “Delphi.”  
I break out of my trance and come back to the real world. “Huh?”  
“You need to eat…”  
I pause, sighing and placing the bowl onto the table in-front of me. “I know…”  
“I’m worried, Del. You haven’t touched it.”  
“I’m nervous. I can’t eat when I’m nervous otherwise I just throw it back up.”  
“I’m not surprised you’re nervous… It’s tomorrow after all…”  
And then from out of nowhere I completely snap. “I don’t need reminding Rebecca.” I stand up, pull my boots on and head towards the door.  
“Del- DELPHI!” I hear Rebecca shout behind me as I slam the door behind me and run down the stairs. I then throw open the front door, slamming it too behind me and I emerge out onto the street. The rain hammers down onto me, soaking straight through my jumper and my shirt so that they both cling to my body.   
I don’t care. I don’t care that I am sprinting down the street, my hair sopping wet and water running down my neck, my clothes stuck to my skin. I just run. I just run, passing people with umbrellas, taxis, shops, restaurants, theatres, tube stations. Tears streak down my face, their saltiness mixing with the metallic taste of rain water hitting my face. My mind is chaos, each thought, each question, each doubt, each urge, all collapsing in on one another. This noise inside my head is enough to drown out the noise around me. Even the sound of hammering rain isn’t enough to drown out these demons, they know how to swim.   
And then I come to a halt, confused, overwhelmed and frightened. Everything blurs together through the distortion of my tears and the rain. The car headlights flash past, the chattering of voices, the lights of the buildings, they overwhelm my senses. The rain, the noise of engines, the shouting from down the street, the sound of trains rattling beneath the street. I can’t process it all. My head doesn’t have the speed or the capacity of it. My head pounds, my whole body trembles. I fight the urge to scream out and throw myself in-front of an oncoming car. But I can’t. I just feel the rain run down me, my feet planted firmly to the ground, my clothes heavy, my hair dripping and water running down my face.   
But then I scream out, my knees buckling beneath me and I collapse to the ground. My senses overload, my mind as loud as a battlefield, voices screaming at me like gunfire, all the sounds around me amplified to three times their normal volume.   
Weak! Disgrace! Worthless!  
I curl over, my trembling hands gripped around the back of my neck, numb to the very tips of my fingers.  
You are a disgrace. You shame the family name. YOU’RE DEAD TO ME!  
I scream out again, feeling it scrape against my throat like a blade and push every single inch of air out of my lungs. I attempt to catch my breath as the chaos within my mind fades away slowly, the only sounds I can hear being the rain and cab engines. I look up, my vision slightly disoriented. I pull myself back up, the rain having turned my clothes heavy and that they now cling to my skin. I breathe heavily, regaining some form of minimal control as I stare around at where I am, feeling the rain hit my face. I calm myself ever so slightly as I feel someone grab onto me. I turn around in shock and see Rebecca, panic stricken and clutching her wand which is holding an umbrella charm.  
“There you are! I was worried sick!” she says. I try to form the words to reply but no sound leaves my mouth. I stare at her confused and she shakes me gently, holding the umbrella above our heads. “Delphi?” she repeats. I stare at her blankly, not able to piece together a sentence in my head. “Delphi, can you hear me?”  
And then I manage a nod, my gaze away from Rebecca.  
“You’re soaked. Come on. Let’s go back.” She puts her arm around me but I pull away from her.   
“Where- where are we?” I stammer, my senses still adjusting.  
“Piccadilly Circus.”  
“What?”  
“We’re in Piccadilly Circus. Delphi, you’re soaked, let’s go back.”  
“No- I mean, yes- no- yes. Sorry.”  
“It’s okay, take your time.”  
“I’m- I’m not- I’m still adjusting.”  
“More reason for us to go back.”  
I nod and we walk back down the road under her umbrella charm so that we do not get any wetter than we already are. We get back to the flat where I go into my bedroom, peeling off my clothes. I drape them over the heater to dry off before I change into a loose shirt, leggings and a hoodie. I try to dry off my hair with a towel and tie it up before I grip onto the heater to thaw out my hands and fingers which turned out to be not such a great idea because I overestimated the temperature and my hands go red after a few seconds.   
I go into the living room, trying to stay quiet and keep to myself however Rebecca sees me slip in through the door and sighs softly. “Are you alright now?” she asks, rubbing my cheek.  
“Ish.”  
“Are you feeling back with it now?”  
“I think?”   
She turns away and pulls a small box out from under the sofa. She holds it out to me and I take it curiously.   
“I’ve been holding onto this for years for you. I made it when you were seven for when you grew up. I always knew there’d be a time for it. I guess this is that time.”  
I take off the lid, placing it down on the side. I take out the bundle of black material and it unravels. It’s a cloak. I smile softly, my eyes gazing on Rebecca’s skill. It’s long and billowing with a royal blue silk lining and ribbon. The hood is large and will most definitely obscure my identity to anyone and everyone.   
“Do you like it?”  
“I love it…” I smile still as I wrap it around me and it falls to just above my ankles. “Rebecca, it’s beautiful. Thank you…”  
“I thought it was time to give it to you. I was scared it would be too small or too big but- I think it’s perfect.”


	33. The Auditorium

2nd May 2017 – Age 19

Rebecca and I walk slowly down the street towards the Ministry of Magic. Today is the day. Today is the day I am going to kill my father. I feel sick to my stomach, my whole body unsettled and the ‘what if?’ questions circling my mind. I keep overthinking every outcome of what is about to happen, what could happen, what will happen. I am beyond terrified, trembling to my very core. Anything could happen once we are inside. And the thought of not knowing petrifies me beyond words. Rebecca and I have our hoods up, our cloaks draped over our shoulders. I have my wand and my bag in which its contents is the bare minimum. A spare set of clothes, the battered pocket-watch and my photos of me and Brina and a flask of water. I slipped my painkillers into my pocket in-case I need an easy way out if things go- to shit. I also wrote a note last night in-case something does happen and someone finds our bodies. We returned the flat keys and cleared out, knowing that we probably won’t be coming back there. At least one of us won’t. We’ll be lucky if just one of us walks out alive.

We slip into the crowd who make their way into the entrance. We can blend in easily as the crowd is packed tightly, everyone in their cloaks and expensive, formal robes saved for days like today. We follow them down through the atrium, my stomach still churning and my legs trembling. The walls are lined with ominous, black and green banners bearing the dark mark. I glance up at them, each one marking a step closer to chaos. I immediately look back down at my feet.  
“Okay?” Rebecca whispers, however, it’s hard to hear her over the chattering within the crowd.   
“I don’t know.” I reply, the sick feeling in my stomach so intense I am close to crouching over and actually throwing up. I take a quick glance around out of curiosity and to take my mind off this feeling, and to my surprise, I see who I believe is my cousin Draco. He hasn’t changed much since I last saw him. I think I was fourteen? It was for a dinner with our family plus some of my fathers followers. Beside him is a boy with the same platinum blonde hair as Draco, about the age of ten. On the boy’s other side is a woman with soft chestnut hair with her hand on the boy’s shoulder. They’re walking to the left, just in-front of us.  
“Rebecca, isn’t that Draco? Draco Malfoy?” I ask quietly, trying not to raise their attention to me.   
She peers over, “Yes, it is...” She replies.   
“That’s his son, Scorpius, and his wife Astoria, is it not?”  
“Yes, I believe so…”  
As she says this, the boy turns around and stares at us with curiosity. I break my gaze from him and look back down at the floor again. I’ve never met him, but there’s no doubt he knows who I am, his father is my cousin after all… 

Now that we are more or less at the entrance to the auditorium, my panic sets in even more. My legs quake, palms sweat and I have begun to get hot and cold flushes. My heart is beating so fucking fast it could burst through my chest. I force my legs to carry me through towards the doorway. There are several death eaters at the entry way, stood on either side, their black robes pristine and crease free. They take a quick glance at everyone coming in but from what I have seen, they aren’t stopping and pulling anyone over. I hold my breath as we walk past them. They do not take a second look and I exhale in relief.

We squeeze our way through to the front of the dress circle where the walls of the auditorium are lined with the same black and green dark mark banners as the atrium. The platform where my father will stand is in clear view and I will have a clear shot. We’re slightly over to the left however, we are at the very front of the circle. My anxiety has now reached maximum levels. I did not know it could even reach this point. My knees are seconds away from buckling beneath me and the only thing holding me up is the railings in-front of me which I am clung to. At this point, I am most definitely going to be sick. If not now, then I will later. 

This is what everything has built up towards. All the pain, torment, fear and all the events in the past few months. They have all lead up to this moment. I feel Rebecca take my hand. Hers trembles as much as my own, if not more, her face has turned pale. I don’t blame her. Neither of us know what is going to happen within the next few minutes. We could succeed and walk out, alive and unharmed, not even a scratch. Or we could fail and end up fighting for our lives, taking our last breaths as we are interrogated with brute force and eventually, ending up dead on the floor. Most likely the second one. It’ll be a miracle if just one of us walks out of here…

Delphi?  
“Brina…” I mumble.  
Del, are you sure about this?  
“Of course I bloody well am…”  
Just don’t do anything ridiculous.  
“Does killing my father count as not ridiculous, because that’s what I came here and intend to do.”  
Good luck, I believe in you…  
“Delphi?” Rebecca whispers, “You were talking to yourself, is everything alright?”  
“Oh,” I break from my trance. “It was Brina…”  
“Come on, focus.” I can sense the fear in her voice as it breaks ever so slightly. She must be so scared. She chose to come with me to help me. I didn’t convince her not to. If anything happens t her, it’s all my fault. I couldn’t persuade her not to come. I tried reasoning with her but I couldn’t.

And soon enough, the entire auditorium erupts with applause. It takes me by surprise and I stare down onto the platform below where my father is now stood, his arms spread wide, his eyes still an alarming red and his skin paler than milk. My heart skips a beat. This is it.

I grab Rebecca’s hand in fear as father calls for silence. The auditorium does so.  
“Welcome, my loyal followers.” He begins, his voice echoing off the walls. “Today marks nineteen years since we declared victory and rule over the wizarding world. Nineteen years of pure, clean blood and strong magic. A pure world.”  
The cheering resumes, however, I stay silent, moving my hand slowly towards my wand.  
“These past few months have been- a challenge for both myself and you all. We have experienced a great change to our future generation. My daughter,”  
My ears prick up, my heart skipping yet another beat, resuming even faster than before, pumping adrenaline through me like fire in my veins.  
“My daughter, Delphini, has- defected, run away, rebelled even.” He pauses, murmuring emerging in the crowd.   
“She was the future of the wizarding world! She has committed treason! And therefore,” yet again, he pauses. However, this time he fixes his sharp gaze up onto where I am stood. “I no longer consider her my daughter, or my heir. I have disinherited her.”   
The entire lace erupts again with noise, cheering, jeering and yelling. I grasp my hand around my wand, my head beginning to create its own noise.  
“The girl is DEAD to me!” He shouts, his gaze still fixated on the area around me. “However!”  
The noise in the room dies down again, yet the clamour in my mind gets louder, energy building up within me.  
“I have not seen or heard from her in months. I do not need her. She would have bought nothing but resistance and begun an uprising to tear down our world, spoil the purity we have created.”  
My anger has begun to boil, mixing itself in with my adrenaline and the now shouting in my skull, father’s words ricocheting off the walls like bullets.  
“Yet despite her figurative vanishing, she has emerged from her hiding.”  
“Delphi- do it, now. I don’t know how much longer we may have.” Rebecca whispers to me. I pull out my wand, my hands gripped around it so tightly, I would not be surprised if it breaks my skin. All the hurt, all the pain I have felt, all the memories of watching people be sent to their deaths, watching Brina be dragged down that hall. They al come flooding back, fuelling the anger within me, fuelling my power.  
“The girl is here today!” Father announces, calmly. Gasps and murmuring echo around the room as I poise my wand. For my sanity, for Brina, for anyone who has endured suffering because of his rule. The racket within my mind becomes so loud as my thoughts and images crash in on one another, becoming so real, so vivid in my head, feeling the power surge through my body. I take my aim. For Brina.

For Brina…

And then I shout the two words I have waited for my whole life to scream. The two words that take life away just as easily as it is created.  
“Avada Kedavera!” I scream, a jet of bright green light flying directly towards my father. I watch it stream further and further towards him, my eyes wide with fear. But he simply blocks it. I send another bolt but he deflects it as easily as the first.  
No. No. NO!

And then the auditorium fills with yelling as Rebecca pulls me back through the crowd. My hood falls down as we shove our way through and those surrounding us realise very quickly who I am. We fight our way through the crowd, people attempting to grab us from every angle possible, the noise in here enough to drown out the voices within my head. After struggling against the wall of people, we reach the doors where we push through into the open corridor. We look at each other in the eye, seeing the terror and panic within them. We get no more than a second to catch our breath before we are ripped apart from each other by several Death Eaters. I try to hang onto her hand with all my might but the force of three Death Eaters is far too much for me. My fingers slip through hers before I am pinned to the ground with brute force. I fight with everything I have in me to resist. I spot Rebecca as she is dragged away down the hall. “REBECCA!” I scream, the air scraping my throat like a blade. “REBECCA!”  
“DELPHI!” I hear her cry But there is nothing I can do. I watch her disappear, guilt within me as I already know her fate. I feel chains bind my wrists, my bag stripped away from me. I try to yell for her one final time but all I hear is  
“Silencio!”


	34. Their Last Breathes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> MAJOR TRIGGER WARNING - Suicide attempt, implied success
> 
> PLEASE do not read if you find this topic triggering

2nd May 2017 – Age 19

“REBECCA!” I scream again before the Death Eater strips my bag and wand away from me and casts a silencing charm onto me. I feel a sharp whip around my mouth that smacks any air in it, out. Three Death Eaters are pinning me down onto the ground, a knee pressed into my back, chains binding my wrists and digging harshly into my skin. It takes all three of them to keep me on the ground as I am fighting with all my might and all the strength I have and didn’t even know I had in me. 

I’ve failed. Everything I have done has been for nothing. I feel hot tears fill my eyes but I do not let them fall. I hold them in, holding my strength. I am pulled to my feet and dragged down, through the hallways. The charm on me must not be very powerful as I can feel it fading off very quickly with every step we take. And then it fades away completely. I take my chance, I scream, I kick, I flail in every attempt to break from their grip as I am marched down to the lowest floor. There is no sign of Rebecca anywhere, I haven’t seen her since we were separated. She was taken in a different direction and so my head jumps to the conclusion that I very much saw coming. She’s most probably dead by now…

After being dragged down hallway after hallway, yelling and fighting with all my might, we arrive at a solid oak door with iron framing. One of the death eaters pushes it open and reveals a dull, grey corridor lined with several rusting cells. The floor is patchy with dark brown-crimson stains. I know what it is and where it has come from, knowing my own will join it very soon. My stomach twists at these thoughts. They pull open a cell door and shove me inside, my legs finally giving way and I fall to the solid, stone ground. I hear the lock click and the sound of receding footsteps, followed by the door slamming closed. I lie, dry from every drop of energy and will I may have had. It’s gone completely, drained of everything.

And I just let everything that had built up within me overflow. I do not even make an attempt to fight it back. There’s no point. Nothing. I just let the tears flood down my face, the voices within my head screaming at me. I lay, curled up, on the cold stone ground knowing I have failed myself, failed Brina, failed Rebecca, failed the entire world. I am worthless, a failure, a disappointment, a burden. Everything. Everything I have been through, fought for, al the pain I have endured was for nothing, nothing at all. I failed. I broke my deal with myself. I have no future at all anymore, no hope, no point, I don’t even know how long I have left to live. I lay numb to the very bone, sobbing on the floor, tears soaking my sleeves, a pool of them where my head lies. My eyes are sore and tired, empty and lifeless, showing the fire within my soul slowly extinguishing, leaving only ashes. I’m done. I’m done with it. I’m done with everything.

After what feels like hours, my ears prick up at the sound of the door opening again and the noise of one very enraged woman, protesting fiercely against death eater grip. “Get your filthy hands OFF OF ME!” I recognise the voice instantly and conjure the strength to lift myself off the ground shakily, my eyes red and exhausted. My heart leaps for a moment with relief as Rebecca is pulled through towards me where she stands outside. Blood drips down from her forehead, her lip split open and black and purple bruising around her eye.

“Rebecca!” I scramble over to the bars, a sudden burst of energy surging through me.  
“Delphi- Delphi, they’re going to kill us!” She cries, terror in her voice as she is dropped to the floor harshly. She groans in pain.  
“Shut it!” One of the Death Eaters grabs her hair and slams her head against the stone floor. She yelps and I flinch away, unable to watch, unable to help.  
“Del- Delphi, you don’t need me anymore…” She chokes, lifting her head up slowly off the ground. “You don’t need me…”  
“No- no Rebecca, I- I do! You’re- you’re the only- you-“ But I can hardly process or piece together my words before one of the Death Eaters draws his wand and yells “CRUCIO!”

Rebecca drops to the ground again, screaming and sobbing, rifling on the stone in utter agony. I can’t do anything apart from watch her as she wails and her screams of pain echo off the walls. I cover my ears, feeling the curse myself. I have felt it enough times to know how much pain she is in right now. I just watch as she begs and begs for it to stop.  
“Stop, STOP IT! PLEASE!” I cry out as her cries fill me with pain, tears streaking down my face. “STOP! PLEASE!”

And then the Death Eater breaks the curse, Rebecca’s body relaxing slightly but curling into a ball, breathing heavily, laying on death’s door.  
“Delphi-“ She mumbles weakly, “Del-“

But she is cut short by the same man as he shouts the two deadly words and I watch helplessly as the jet of green light strikes Rebecca directly in her chest. Her body falls limp, uncurling, the light leaving her eyes. I stare numb as the Death Eater turns on his heel and leaves. All I can do is stare at Rebecca’s lifeless body, numb to the core, drained of all hope and will. No…

The one last person who cared for me is gone. Gone forever. I scream out, pain filling it as I sob again. My vision blurs, my head pounds and my heart aches. It feels as if it breaking, shattering within my chest and it hurts. It hurts so much. I just want it to stop. I want it all to end. Cannot physically take this any longer. I gasp for air through my hysterical sobs, the sensation that I cannot breathe overwhelming my chest. I feel as if I am suffocating on my own failure, my own helplessness, my own guilt. I am drowning in my agony, in my thoughts, with no one to rescue me when the water fills every inch of my lungs. 

What is the point anymore? What’s the fucking point if there is nothing left for you to live for. Rebecca is dead. Brina is dead. My parents disowned me, not like they cared for me anyway. I have no future, I face certain death or life imprisonment. I have no will to push through until then. I am in agony yet numb. I just want it to stop. I want it all to just stop. I want to die.

But I don’t have my wand or my bag. I have no way out. But then I remember… I reach my trembling, tear-soaked hand into my pocket, wrapping my fingers around a full, unopened pack of paracetamol. I take it out slowly, making a pathetic attempt to read the back of the dosage. Do not exceed two pills in six hours, it says. There’s thirty in the pack. It will most definitely do the job. It will be slow, it will be painful. But it will stop in the end. 

I inhale shakily, choking on my own tears as I open it, sliding out a tray and popping out the pills, one by one. I have no water to wash them back so I swallow them without. Before I know it, the first tray in the box is gone. I take the second tray of pills, popping them out and shovelling them into my mouth. And soon enough, the whole pack is empty, all thirty gone, sitting in my stomach. I just wait for them to do their job. But some of the effects have begun to kick in. My forehead begins to sweat, my whole body hot and so I yank my jacket off as I pace around the cell, waiting for that final moment. All I can do is wait…

After another twenty minutes or so, I collapse back to the floor as the pain in my stomach begins. It gets more and more unbearable as time ticks on. Half an hour turns to an hour, an hour turns to two. I lie curled in a ball, sweating like a pig. I groan in pain,, just waiting for my final breath. Time passes on, two hours turns to three, three turns to four, the pain getting worse and worse, more unbearable and desperation begging for it to just end. I remember suddenly through the fogginess of my brain, the note. I wrote it last night in-case someone was to find our bodies. I guess I’ll be needing it after all. I reach inside with my damp, shaking hand before I cough violently into my hand. I look down and see small flecks of blood on it. And then I feel the fatigue kick in, my mind slowing down, head pounding, spinning as I am on the edge of passing out. I fall onto my back, staring up at the dim orange glow of the light hanging above me, all my energy used to just keep my breathing going. But I can’t stop it, it wont let me. My eyes begin to flicker shut through my distorted, spinning vision.

Soon I’ll be with Brina, soon I’ll be with Rebecca. I hope they will al forgive me for my failure. My pain will finally end, I can be at peace at last.

I take one final shaky breath before my sight fades to black, the world turning silent at last. The moment I have waited for. My final moment, where the remaining embers of my soul fade to nothing more than ashes…


	35. Salvation - Delphini's final words

We rush through towards a solid oak door with iron framing, stunning the Death Eaters guarding it outside. I throw open the door and run through the corridor, my eyes scanning each cell in search for the girl. She must be in here, there’s nowhere else she could be. I spot a woman in her early thirties lying lifeless on the floor, her face pale and eyes empty. She’s dead. She must’ve fallen at the mercy of a Death Eaters wand… The cell she is outside of contains a girl, no older than nineteen. It’s her, it’s Delphi. But I freeze. Her eyes are shut, body limp and I cannot see her chest rising or falling. No, no she can’t be. We can’t be too late. I unlock the cell and run in, noticing two empty trays of what look like muggle painkillers strewn across the floor and a crumpled piece of paper clutched in her blood stained palm. I bend down, taking the note. She’s not breathing. In panic, I check her pulse. My heart stops…

\--Delphini's final words--

To whoever finds my body,

Do not remember me.  
There’s no point. I’m not worth your compassion or the suffering you may endure with finding and dealing with me. I have suffered since as early as I can remember. I have little to no ‘happy’ memories from that time. I was in agony, I was numb to anything yet was in physical and mental pain. I had fought to the end. But I just wanted it to all stop. I couldn’t deal with it anymore. I had no future, no hope or will to keep fighting. I have been hurt, tortured, tormented, abused and witnessed death, heartbreak and agony. Not one person in this stupid little world gives a shit about me. The only two who ever did are dead because of myself and my parents. There was no one and nothing for me to live for anymore. My family do not care, they never have and never will. I had only a few friends in school, they all soon abandoned me one by one, in my darkest hours. Because no one gives a shit until you are dead. Don’t look at me and think ‘what a shame, a promising life wasted.’ Because I assure you, it was not. I was going to die either way. Either killing myself or killed for attempting to assassinate the Dark Lord. That was the only thing I had to live to do. The chance for my tiny, silenced voice to finally be heard and achieve something that would help to end my pain. But I failed. My own failure and my own suffering got the last person I love killed. She’s lying stone cold on the floor beside me. I watched her die. I saw the moment When the light left her eyes. And the remaining light in my own died with her. It’s vanished. I was in pain. I endured mental and physical abuse since the age of eight. I am nineteen.

And Father, if you are reading this after finding my body, know that you did this. You and Mother drove your own child to suicide. You were part of the reason I am laying dead on the floor. You did this to yourself. I hope you live with the guilt (if you even have any) forever. Because it deserves to rot with you in your graves.

But for now, goodbye. And do not remember the name or fate of Delphini Lestrange.

\---End of Part One---


	36. Awake

-Part Two-

June 2017 – Age 19

My eyes flicker open slowly to a warm, wood panelled room. I’m lying on a bed, my arm hooked up onto some kind of drip. There’s empty potions bottles on the side table and my bag is on the floor at its feet. I’m not in my own clothes, I’m in some sort of gown and I feel the chill on my skin. Nothing really processes in my head, every function in my body is slow. However, quickly enough, I realise. I sit bolt upright, my breathing laboured and slow but still panic stricken. I’m alive. I’m fucking alive. A thousand questions race through the fog in my mind in confusion, digging through the blur of the last few hours I can remember, which is not much. But then it hits me in the stomach. A faint memory reoccurs, most of it foggy and distorted but one chunk of it as clear as day.

It didn’t work. I failed to kill my father and now I have failed to take my own life. How? How?! I took a full pack of paracetamol. I felt my body take its last breath, I felt that final moment when everything finally stopped. Why am I living? I have nothing to live for. I don’t see any reason to carry on. There is no reason. I could just throw myself out of the window behind me right now. It would do the job. But I do not move from the bed. 

I pull my knees into my chest, the guilt of failing myself finally setting in. I am living without purpose. I feel like an empty carcass that just- exists. Not for anyone’s benefit. I don’t know how the fuck I survived, I shouldn’t have. I should be buried six feet under the ground. I am useless, I can’t do fucking anything. I feel tears prick at my eyes but I blink them back quickly as the sound of the door clicking open is followed by a pair of boots approaching where I am laid. I try my best to ignore them, turning onto my side and away.

“You’re awake at last.” A woman says, relief in her tone. I peer over and my heart skips a beat, realising who she is.  
“You…” I sit up quickly again, staring up at her, anger in my expression before managing to piece it all together.  
“We thought we had lost you for good.” Hermione Granger takes a seat at the end of my bed, her hair as wild as it was the last time I saw her and still wearing the same magenta trench coat, leather jacket, brown suede skirt and leather boots.  
“You should’ve left me there.” I growl in anger,  
“We couldn’t. We needed you.”  
“Needed me? You NEEDED me?! I WANTED TO DIE.” I shout, pushing back the lump in my throat and the tears behind my eyes.  
“Delphi-“  
“You should’ve respected my wish. You don’t need me, okay? Nobody in this STUPID little world does.”  
“I understand, you’re angry, alright but-“  
“Angry is one way of putting it.”  
“But we need your help, Delphi. And you need our help.”  
“Where’s Rebecca?” I suddenly freeze over, the fogginess in my mind has shrouded a portion of my memory. I can’t make out exactly what happened. But I fear the worst, my gut lurching.  
“She-“  
“WHERE IS SHE?” I scream before I break through the fog and the memory comes flooding back, every inch of it, every miniscule detail of it.   
“She’s dead.”  
I exhale shakily, feeling my heart shatter in my chest, the shock setting through me and the shear emptiness filling the void within me.  
“She died trying to help me.” I choke slightly.   
“I’m sorry Delphi, I really am…”  
“I couldn’t do anything. I- I just watched as-“ I stammer, the fog of the events lifting and they begin to play through my head. The screams, the pain, the flash of green light. I zone out from what Hermione is saying to me. She’s more talking at me than to me. I only focus on the images in my mind.  
“Delphi?” She shakes me gently. “Delphi.” It takes me a moment to break from my trance and come back to her.  
“Oh- sorry.” I apologise.   
“Don’t. It’s alright.” There’s a small pause as I try to gather myself up again. “Do you know where you are?”  
“Uh- good question. No?”  
Hermione chuckles, “You’re in the Order hideout. Specifically the medical wing.”  
“Holy shit-“ I freeze over again, in shock.  
“We’ve been behind you all along. You were never alone. And you never will be.”  
I stare at her processing her words, only able to absorb half the stuff she’s saying.  
“The healers say you’ll be out in a few days or so. After that, I’ll help you get settled in.” And with that, she gets up and leaves. I am left on my own once again, the world around me feeling dreadfully darker than usual. I flop backwards onto the bed where I simply stare up at the warm light above me. It’s funny how long I can stay like this, just on my back, the sound of the world around me turned down to utter silence. The only noise is the noise of my thoughts as I feel myself split off from the world. It’s strange, a sensation that I am no longer in my body, a spirit raised above myself. And I remain like that for a while.


	37. The Tower Room

October 2012 – Age 14

Brina and I are sat in the tower room. It’s a small space above the laundry cupboard in the Ravenclaw tower, about six feet by six feet with a half-moon window. It overlooks the black lake outside and the rain outside hammers hard against the dusty glass. We’re sat in-front of the window, me leant up against Brina and her arms wrapped around me. I can hear her steady heart beat in her chest and the warmth of her breath brushing against my cheeks. Everything is still, everything is quiet. We both just watch the rain pour down outside and listen to the noise it makes on the window. It’s Halloween, there’s a feast in the hall tonight. But something tells me we won’t be going.

“How long have we been here?” I ask, my voice quiet.  
“I don’t know. But it doesn’t matter.” Brina replies, followed by a soft kiss on my cheek.   
“The feast tonight? We need to be there. If they notice we aren’t there, we’ll get detention until Christmas.”  
“They won’t notice. They never do.”  
“Oh they do alright. Remember those sixth years who missed it last year and got absolutely pissed in the Prefect’s bathroom?”  
“Oh Merlin you think I’d forget something like that?”  
“Exactly, the Professors were furious. The whole lot of them almost got expelled.”  
“But they missed it just to get shit-faced and we are having an- intimate- moment.”  
“You think they’d accept that? We’d not just be expelled, we’d probably be killed.”  
“Well, we’ll tell them we were working in a study room and we lost track of time. They’d believe that. People use it as an excuse to miss assembly and stuff like that all the time.”  
“Well, we should at least try to go? We don’t have to be on time, like a few minutes late would be okay.” I try to reason with her a little. “They don’t mind you being late, they never start on time with these things anyway.”  
“Delphi, for the last time,” Brina laughs, “We don’t need to go. We can just stay here.”  
“I’d like that. Can we come back after the feast though?”  
“Of course. I’d like that very much too.”  
“I’m a bit cold.” There’s a slight draft in the room and it sends a small shiver down my back, enough to raise goose-bumps.   
“Do you want my jumper?” But before I reply she pulls t off and hands it to me. It’s warm and I pull it on, smiling to myself. I tuck a strand of Brina’s hair behind her ear and she rubs my cheek gently before we both stare each other in the eyes which then both draw down to our lips. The overwhelming feeling in my chest tells me to do it, tells me to lock my lips against hers. I want to, I really want to. I don’t know if she does though but she soon gives me an answer.  
“I know you want to.” She laughs, practically reading my mind. And I give in, pressing my lips against hers. We pull away slowly, chuckling.  
“Wow.” I gasp lightly, a large smile plastered on my face. “Just, wow.”  
“Again?”  
“Of course.” And we kiss again, a little quicker now, feeling the adrenaline run through me.  
“Delphi Lestrange, I love you so bloody much.”  
“And I love you Brina Evettes.” I tap her on the nose and she laughs again. “Oh, I don’t mind you calling me Del. If you want- I mean- it’s just-“ I stutter on my words slightly, too filled with excitement and joy.  
“Del, come ‘ere.” She opens her arms, pulling a blanket over us, bundling us up in it. “I bought a surprise up here.”  
“You’re too sweet.”   
She makes a small, very subtle swishing motion with her wand and mutters an incantation. There’s a pause before three glass jars begin to glow. Inside them are tiny drops of gold emitting a soft, warm glow and lighting up the tower room with a gold ray.  
“Oh my-“ I let the smile on my face widen even more. She did this herself? I mean, it’s very Brina.  
“Surprise.”  
“They’re beautiful. Is- is this what you were working on the other day?”  
“Yeah, I wanted it to be the perfect first official ‘date’.”  
“Date?”  
“Well, we’re together now, are we not?”  
I nod, the still growing smile on my face as Brina kisses me tenderly on the forehead. She’s just so perfect, I think to myself just in awe of my now girlfriend.   
“Butterbeer?” She asks, pulling out two bottles of the stuff and hands one to me. I flick my wand and both caps pop off and hit the floor.

“Here’s to us.” I hold the bottle up and we toast before taking a swig from the bottles and settling back down. After a few sips, I put my bottle down to come back to later. I watch the lanterns shimmers little as the rain begins to patter on the window rather than hammer on it. The sky is still a dull grey however and the air is cold and has a chill to it, the lake is dark and murky, lurking ominously below us. However, my soul is light, my body is warm, my heart is happy and I feel safe in Brina’s arms. I feel valued and appreciated for me. Not my family status, me. Not as the ‘Dark Lord’s Heir’. Just Delphi. She sees me for me, not who I am bound to by blood. No-one else seems to view me in the same way that she does. And I love her dearly for that.


	38. Discharge

June 2017 – Age 19

I’ve been here about a week now, still in the medical wing. They said I need to fully recover from my overdose and let my liver start to heal before I can go. I’m tired, really tired, just constantly exhausted. Small tasks like taking a shower feel like a chore and are just too exhausting. The healers make me take a stroll around the wing just to stretch my legs and even that drains me. I just want to be out of here soon, I can’t stand this room much longer. I just sit in bed, scribbling on the inside of my notebook as the door opens, a healer walking in holding a tray of something. She walks over to my bed and sets it down on the foot of it. It’s just a thermometer, some more pills and a few potion bottles.   
“Morning Delphi.” She smiles.  
“Morning.” I reply, tired.   
“You know the routine, vitals then medicine.” She holds a stethoscope up to my chest, listening closely. She keeps it there for a moment before taking it off and a quill which is hovering above a clipboard scrawls down a number on a sheet. She then sticks a thermometer in my mouth and I hold it between my teeth. We wait for a minute of so before the healer takes it back and the quill scrawls the reading down. “Back to normal. I think you’re okay to go.” She smiles again, handing me a potion bottle. “One last one of these.”   
I drink it, glad that it’s the last I’ll taste of that bitter liquid .   
“I’ll inform Granger that you’re being discharged this afternoon. You need to take two of these a day, one in the morning at breakfast and another at dinner.” She hands me a pot of pills. It looks like muggle medicine, the ingredients are definitely not what you’d find in a wizard potion.   
“What are these?” I ask, I don’t want to be taking something I don’t know what for.  
“Anti-depressants.”  
“Oh, okay?”   
“Is that okay?”  
“Uh, yeah sure- I guess?”   
“Perfect. I’ll get someone to escort you this afternoon. In the meantime, you can gather your things up, get changed too if you’d like.”  
“Alright.”  
She smiles again, picking the tray back up and the clipboard slots itself into the holder at the end of the bed. She walks back out, the door closing behind her and leaving me on my own once again. I close up my notebook and shove both it and my pen into my bag. I pull myself up and out of bed, digging around my draw full of stuff for a set of clean clothes. The healers washed them for me when I arrived apparently and I am grateful none the less, I wouldn’t have done it myself until I was discharged. I change out of the grey, dull hospital gown and into my jeans, shirt and a hoodie. I also put some socks on as well as my feet are a little cold despite the room being quite warm.

I sit back down on my bed, sighing rather heavily and look at the jumble of things on my side table. I have no more energy, I used it all up just getting changed. My eyelids feel heavy and droop a little as I just stare at the mess on top of the side table. I lock onto Rebecca’s scarf which is hanging out of the drawer, now stained brown in places from where she wrapped it around my ankle after I was splinched. I feel my stomach drop, yet I do not seem to cry. I just don’t have the energy for it. I am utterly drained and I haven’t actually left this bed for a day or two. I know I should get up at least to stop my body from seizing up or anything. But I don’t. the covers hold me down as I feel myself sink further down into the mattress and the hole of my thoughts. I stare up at the ceiling, empty of will, watching the days go past. I just lie there, wasting them. 

However, I manage to force myself to pack up my things into my back in prep for being discharged later. I finish packing up as I hear the door open again. I do not look up to see who it is, I just put my shoes on. I hear the sound of boots on the wooden floor approach me.  
“Delphi.” Granger says from behind me.  
“Yes?” I respond, my throat dry and tired.  
“I hear they’ve discharged you?”  
“This afternoon yes.”  
“They sent for me to pick you up now. Are you ready to go?”   
I nod slightly in reply, forcing myself get up and sling my bag over my shoulder, laying my jacket over my arm.   
“You okay? How are you now?”  
“Yeah, I’m alright.” I reply, lying. At this rate, I just want to find where I’m staying and stay in there.  
“Alright, well, I’ll show you around and then you’re needed in a meeting afterwards. We just need to explain a few things to you.”  
“Okay?”  
“Well, shall we get to it?”  
I nod again before following her out, reluctantly. We emerge onto a platform that runs around the edge of what looks like a thirty meter tall cylindrical shaft. I am hit by the sound of people’s voices chattering and the commotion echoing off the walls. It’s very wide, ten meters across maybe? And it’s lit up by a giant glass dome at the top of the shaft. There’s five levels where the platforms are all connected by a steel, spiral staircase that seems to move like a muggle lift but without any cables. It reminds me of the staircases at Hogwarts that moved around but these seem a lot less intimidating. I once got separated from my friends on the way to class once and it took five minutes for the stairs to move back to where I needed to go. Never the less, I was late and the Professor was not happy.   
“Welcome to the Nest.” Granger says, looking out into the shaft, smiling proudly.   
I too go to look into it. “Woah…” I mumble as I gaze up and down at the size of this place and the number of people inside. “You built all this?”  
“With five years, several bewitched broomsticks, four attacks from Death Eaters during material gathering expeditions and at the cost of most of my sanity.”  
I chuckle slightly before she takes my wrist and pulls me across the platform and onto the staircase.  
“Let’s start from the top shall we?” She smiles and the staircase begins to move upwards. We climb up the stairs at the same time but once we reach the top, my legs begin to ache. I haven’t been doing the exercise that I was used to. The exercise being walking almost thirty miles every day with no intention or destination. Just thirty miles in the direction that looks least likely for me to run into a pack of Death Eaters. Because I haven’t been doing this for almost a month now, my leg muscles have sort of- seized up. Hell, the last week I’ve hardly even left bed. After a minute more or so, we reach the top level and step off.  
“You alright there?” she asks me as I finish catching the last of my breath.  
“Haven’t really left bed for a week, no exercise, so I’m a bit- yeah…”  
She simply shrugs and leads me onwards and around the platform. “This is Level Five. We have the board room, some offices and the potion brewery. I’m usually here most of the day so if you ever need me, I’ll probably be in the board room.”  
“All day?”  
“Pretty much. There’s lots to discuss, things are changing fast.” We hop back on the stairs which take us down to the next floor: the kitchen and communal area. There’s a small bar in the communal area too, making the whole floor rather cosy. The next level is the Medical Wing and Training. The next level is living quarters and laundry where we stop outside a room with the number 8 on. “This is your dorm. You’ll have to share as we’re running tight on space at the moment but it’ll do.” She tells me, unlocking the door.  
“No, it’s fine don’t worry.” I insist, walking in to a set of bunk beds, a wardrobe, desk and bathroom. There’s only one other person in here by the looks of it and I think they also just moved in as there’s several crates on the floor and the desk. However, I don’t get much opportunity to do anything else except dump my own stuff before we move on again down to the ground floor. The last level is the library and ground level for the auditorium. The entire shaft is used as an auditorium with each level giving us somewhere to stand. “We mainly just give important updates like planned advances onto the Ministry or a change in Death Eater movement or a threat. But this place is as safe as anything.”  
“How’d you know that? You said you’ve had attacks?”  
“Yes, however, the Death Eater’s may be trained killers but they have the same intelligence as chickens. They can’t find the way in and the worst damage we’ve had was a chip in the glass dome.”  
“I can agree with you that they are quite dumb sometimes. Terrifying, but dumb.” I look up at the glass dome at the top of the shaft as we ascend on the staircase once again. I can’t see the damage so it must’ve been very minimal. I’d need it pointed out to be able to see it. “Where are we going now?” I ask as we move back up to the top level.  
“The board room, we have some information to share with you.”


	39. Dinner with Father

March 2012 - Age 14 

I walk slowly down the hallway and into the dining room, staring down at my feet as I make my way to my seat. I’m dressed in formal robes but I put my Doc Martens on instead of flats, they’re much more comfortable. Father and some of his closest followers are having a dinner party tonight and for some reason, I seem to have been invited. I’m not sure why I’m invited as I haven’t actually seen Father for almost sixth months now and the last time I saw Mother was September. There’s around ten of us including me and my mother, Draco, Aunt Narcissa and Uncle Lucius are joining us too with Draco sat beside me. He takes his seat as we just wait for Father now. He smiles at me, a warm beam among the cold, tense feeling in the room.  
“You alright?” He asks, his voice dry.  
“Yeah. Yeah I am it’s just-“ I pause gathering my words, “It’s not every day I’m invited to dinner with Father.”  
“Do you not see him that much?”  
“Not really, I’m at Hogwarts most of the time but even when I’m home for the holidays, I don’t see him at all. This is the first time seeing him in six months.”  
“What about your mother?”  
“Haven’t seen her since September. I’d see her once a week at most maybe? I see Rebecca more than both of them combined.”  
“I hardly saw either of my parents when I was your age. I know how you feel…” Draco lowers his voice a little. I return a small, glum smile before my mother shushes us from across the table and I flinch ever so slightly. I then do again as I hear the door open and Father strides into the room. We stand up and poises himself behind his chair at the head of the table. We salute him before he gestures for us to sit. We do so without question. I spot my mother throw me a harsh glare with her cold eyes. I sit up, correcting my posture and she gives me a small nod of approval.  
“Good evening mu friends. Thank you for coming on the slightly- short- notice.” Father greets us, “Now, shall we begin?”  
He starts to go on about the usual ‘purer, cleaner world’ and how we are edging closer to a completely pure once. One without a single speck of dirt, as he describes it. I am already uncomfortable with the whole thing in general however, he begins to go on about a new tactic to keep the purity he has managed to create. He talks of having anyone with a muggle relation- removed… And by that I know what he means. Even if it’s just an aunt or a distant cousin, they have a death sentence. My stomach twists as the first course is served onto our plates. I don’t understand it. I don’t understand his hatred, his prejudice. I don’t understand any of it at all. I see no reason for his utter loathing of anyone with anything except pure blood.

I make an attempt to make myself eat some of the food in-front of me, staying silent and desperately trying to block out the conversations happening around me. I fail miserably. I just can’t not hear it. Father and Uncle Lucius are having a conversation between them whilst sipping on the rather expensive wine in their glasses. At the same time, Mother is listening (rather reluctantly) to my Aunt Narcissa going on about a dress she bought the other day and how her she got it tailored specially to fit her ever shrinking waist. She always wears a corset whenever I see her so I’m not surprised she has to get all her dresses tailored smaller and smaller around the waist. Draco and I just sit in silence as I fore myself to eat, however I am struggling.  
“Not hungry?” Draco asks. I shake my head in reply but try to eat something.  
“You are allowed to talk you know?” He laughs lightly.   
“No, I just don’t feel like- I don’t feel like I belong here?”  
But just as Draco opens his mouth to reply, Father turns to me. “Delphini.”  
I look up, fear in my eyes. He never talks to me, ever. So why now? What’s so special about this?  
“Yes Father?” I stammer a little on my words.  
“How are you at the moment? I hardly see you.”  
I fight to resist screaming out all the bottled up emotions in me. All my hate for him, all my pain and anger. But instead, I reply with “I could be better.” Before I force myself to take a small mouthful of food to ease the tension.  
“Ah… well, that is unfortunate.” He smiles somehow disturbingly, making the hair on the back of my neck stand on end and I feel very much unsettled. “So, how do you feel about our new system?”  
I choke on my food, dropping my cutlery and it clatters on the table. “Sorry?”  
“How do you feel about the new system?” he repeats, calmly with the same unsettling smile on his face.  
“I- um…” I stutter, unable to piece together my words as yet again I try to resist the urge to blurt out that I hate it. It physically sickens me. And the worst thin is that there’s nothing I can do to stop it… They won’t listen to me, I’m invisible to them. And that means all I can do is watch. “I think- I-“ I freeze over. “Would you please excuse me?”  
“No, not until you answer your father’s question, young lady.” Mother snaps at me as I get up to leave, “Sit back down.”  
I do so reluctantly as I make up a lie quickly in my head as an answer. “I think sit’s- effective.” There’s a pause, everyone’s faces pressed onto me. “I answered the question so please if you would excuse me.”  
I get up again and walk straight out, not taking a second glance behind me. I pace as quickly as possible down the hall to the library. It’s relatively close to here and I can hide in there for a bit. They won’t come looking for me, they’ll probably forget that I was even sat with them in the first place. I shut the door behind me, exhaling heavily and wander over to the shelf where I keep my records, running my finger across their spines in search of one that I just feel drawn to. I stop and I pull out ‘Selfish Machines’ by Pierce the Veil and start up my turntable and place the record on. After a moment or so it starts playing and I turn it down ever so slightly. I flop down into the arm chair beside it and shut my eyes. The music playing somehow fades out and I can’t hear anything except silence. I just sit there in a moment of peace and tranquillity. It’s nice you know, it gives me a moment to breathe and allows my mind to relax and release the tension of the room that I have just escaped from. However, it is soon disturbed by the sound of the door creaking open and a set of footsteps approaching me. I sit up quickly and turn off my record player.   
“I hope I’m not disturbing anything?” Draco smiles.  
“Bloody hell you scared me.” I relax a little.  
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to.” He watches me as I take my record off the turn table and put it back into its sleeve and away on the shelf again. “I was just wondering if you’re alright?”  
“Oh- um, yeah I’m okay now.” I reply, “I found it just stressed me out.”  
“So did I. It was all very- tense.”  
“I just don’t like what Father is saying about all this new ‘strategy’. It’s inhuman.”  
“I know, but there isn’t much we can do.”  
“That’s the thing!” My voice quivers slightly, “And I hate it. All we can do is watch.”  
“Do you want me to stay here with you?”  
“Please. If that’s okay with you. But can I put my music back on though?”


	40. An Agreement and an Exposure

June 2017 – Age 19

There’s around seven of us sat around a long, oak table in the cabinet room, most of whom I do not recognise. Well, all of them except Granger. There’s a couple of sheets spread across the table, mostly failed plans, maps, blueprints of the ministry and other bits along a similar line.   
“Thank you all for coming this morning, I just have some information to discuss with you.” Granger begins.  
“However, before we do start, as you may have noticed, we have a new member here with us today.” She looks over at me, smiling. I break out of my slight trance and stare back up, managing a very small, rather weak smile.   
“This is Delphini Lestrange, you may have heard about the assassination attempt on Lord Voldemort a few weeks ago. She was the one behind it.”  
“She tried to kill her own father?” A woman with bright ginger hair gasps in shock, “What made you turn against him?” She turns to me, fear on her face.  
“Ginny, we’ll answer questions at the end.” Granger stops her.  
“Because he’s a prejudice piece of shit who cares more about power than his family.” I blurt out, a harsh tone in my voice. The room turns quiet, an uncomfortable silence filling the room. Granger makes an attempt to break it.  
“Well, we know who she is but she doesn’t know who we are. Could we all introduce ourselves please?” She cuts the silence and nods at a ginger, pale and rather freckled man around the same age as her to her left. He sits up abruptly, clearing his throat.  
“Oh- sorry, I’m Ron, Ron Weasley.” He says, nudging the woman next to him with the same bright ginger hair and pale skin, a little younger.   
“I’m Ginny, Ron’s sister.” She smiles, warmer than the tone she had earlier. The lady beside her has thick, curly, platinum blonde hair with a kind face, one similar to Rebecca’s…  
“I’m Luna Lovegood.” She introduces herself, a very gentle tone in her voice. We continue in the circle with the final two introducing themselves.  
“George Weasley.”  
“Minerva McGonagall.”   
And then it’s back to me where I simply nod (a little awkwardly I must admit) before Granger begins again. She does not seem to stop.  
“Now that you’ve met everyone and everyone’s met you Delphi, we have a sort of- proposal for you.”  
“What kind of proposal are we talking about?” I ask, suspiciously.  
“Ever read the Hunger Games trilogy? It’s a muggle series.”  
“Yes, I have…” The confusion in my voice begins to seep through, “What does it have to do with this?”  
“The whole movement reminds me of District 13 in the series. And we need someone on the inside who knows this system’s ins and outs.”  
“Well, you have the wrong person, I know little to nothing about what my father does behind closed doors.”  
“But you still managed an assassination attempt on him?”  
“And failed, have you forgotten that?”  
“Well, we’re thinking about another attempt to kill your father And overthrow his government. If you decide to help us and join the board, we’ll take you with us to do so.”  
My heart skips a beat and I sit up, my interest increasing. But do I really want to try again after everything that happened last time? I don’t want it to happen again, I don’t want to repeat what happened last time. I just can’t bear the thought of losing someone else at the mercy of a Death Eater’s wand. Rebecca died in pain, in agony, and all I could seem to do was watch. And that guilt eats away inside me, knowing that I physically couldn’t do anything to save her. I want to take this chance, but I don’t want to lose anyone else. However, there isn’t anyone else for me to lose, it’s just me. It’s just me I need to look out for. So, I might as well take my chance.  
“I’ll join you. On two conditions.” I say.  
“What might those be?”  
“First, I would like to hold a memorial service for Rebecca Seahall. She died helping me, the least I can do is make sure I remember her.”  
“I’m sure that can be arranged, what is your second request?”  
“I’m the one to kill Lord Voldemort.”  
There is a pause, everyone in the room looking at each other, a mutual agreement on their faces. Granger nods and everyone else does too.  
“We will make an announcement this evening to the rest of the movement. Luna, send out word that we’re holding a gathering in the shaft at seven.”  
“Yes Hermione.” Luna smiles.  
“Thank you all for your time, this meeting is finished.”   
And with that, we all get up and walk out, splitting off in our own directions. I take myself off back to my dorm rather hastily. Once I arrive, I shut the door behind me, sighing heavily to myself. What the hell have I gotten myself into now? What the fuck was I thinking?! That we could just saunter into the ministry in another attempt to kill that son of a bitch they call my father? I just can’t say no to that woman. I fall down onto my bed, running my hands through my hair and breathing deeply. “What was I thinking? What the fuck was I thinking?” I mumble to myself, checking the time. Three pm. I’ll just stay in here for the next four hours. I’ve got nothing better to do I guess.

***   
I pull myself up off my bed a few hours later, the clock showing ten to seven. I can hear chattering outside so I presume people are starting to head towards the announcement. The dorm is still a mess, the other person who lives in here hasn’t come in so I still don’t know who they are. I can’t really tell much about them from just what is strewn across their desk and the clothes piled on the end of their bed. However I think I know they like magical creatures judging by the sheer stack of books on them on their shelf and the illustrations pinned on the wall. 

After gazing around the room for the billionth time, I take myself off to the shaft for the announcement, the whole place filled with noise. Granger told me to find where she is standing and I’m to stand there with the others on the board so I scan each level for her. She should stand out in her rather bright magenta trench-coat among the blacks, browns, greys and duller colours of the rest of the Order. And so I quickly spot her, a level down from me so I hop on the staircase and make my way down to her. I reach her after squeezing through the rather pissed off crowd.  
“Evening Delphi.” She greets me with a grin.  
“Evening Granger.” I reply.  
“Please, call me Hermione. No need for Granger.”  
“Oh, alright. Where can I stand Hermione?”  
“Oh just stand anywhere with us, you’re more than welcome here.”  
“Delphi, you can stand with me if you’d like.” Luna smiles and gestures to a space beside her and I slot myself in it.   
“Thank you Luna.”   
We lean against the railing and peer over into the shaft which has now filled up with the rest of the Order, some stood on the ground, others dotted around on the floors above and below us but all shouting over each other. Despite the warm greeting, it feels quite intimidating and there are insults being thrown about and the yelling gets slowly louder. The reverb from the shaft walls makes it even louder and definitely doesn’t help. I can’t specifically make out most of what is being shouted at us, but I know it’s definitely not a celebration.  
“She’s a spy!” I hear someone shout upwards from the level below, “She’ll rat us out!”  
“Death Eater!”  
“Throw her out! She doesn’t belong with us!”  
The yelling continues, beginning to get under my skin and making me feel very much unwelcome here. However, Hermione holds the tip of her wand against her neck, projecting her voice, “SILENCE!” She yells, her voice booming through the shaft so loud that I have to cover my ears and I see most of the Order has to as well. The commotion dies down to the occasional mumble before it finally falls quiet.  
“Thank you. Now, thank you for all attending on such short notice. I have an important announcement to make this evening, one that we should all be glad about and that should give us hope that maybe we might succeed in bringing back the old world.” She looks over at me and smiles but I keep my face straight. “We have made progress this past month, making a step closer to an equal, prejudice free and accepting world.”  
As she says this sentence though, I can’t help but think of Father’s lines in his speeches: We are closer to a purer, cleaner world. The comparison and the sheer parallel between the two sends an uncomfortable shiver down my spine, a twisting in the pit of my stomach. I try to block the thought from my head as Hermione continues on.   
“Delphi Lestrange ahs agreed to join the Order’s board and assist us with a new plan to infiltrate the Ministry. With her help and her extensive knowledge of the system,”  
I scoff quietly, knowing that I definitely don’t have an extensive knowledge of my father’s system. Perhaps she’s only saying it to gain their trust and settle their minds. However, the yelling resumes and this time it makes me start to overwhelm me and make me panic inside. I try my best to contain my pounding heartbeat and the flushes on the back of my neck. I just stare into the auditorium, fear building up within me.  
“Make her prove she’s not a Death Eater!” I hear several people shout followed by, “Show her Dark Mark!”  
Hermione looks over at me, the same panic on her face as mine, the pressure building on her to do something. And then she nods at two lads on the other side to us. They grab me with considerable force and pull me up to the platform beside Hermione. “Wand arm?” one of them asks. I stare at him, pale and panicked. “Which is your wand arm?”   
“My- my left.” I stammer in reply before realising what’s going to happen. The Dark Mark is always on your opposite to wand arm. They’ll pull up my right sleeve. My worst scars are on that arm…  
“Please, please don’t do this.” I beg, on the verge of tears and my heart pounding out of control. “Not here.”  
“I’m sorry.” He replies, a genuine tone of sorrow in his voice. He holds up my arm and pulls down my sleeve, showing my scar ridden arm up to the entire movement. The auditorium turns silent as I look away, squeezing my eyes shut in an attempt to hold back my tears. I yank my arm back from him and push my sleeve down, hot tears now running down my cheeks and blurring my vision. I step of the platform and push my way past everyone but throw myself against the railing. “Just so you all know, I’m not a FUCKING DEATH EATER.” I shout, the panic that was in me now morphing into anger and I storm back up the staircase towards the dorms, the murmur of the Order in the background. I reach my room and slam the door forcefully behind me, sinking down to the floor.

I just sit there completely oblivious to anything and everything, the events of the last few minutes replaying over and over in my head. They’ve all seen them and there’s nothing I can do. It’s not like they can just ‘unsee’ them. I could obliviate them all? But that would just turn their brains to custard and I’d dig myself into a hole deeper than the one I am already in. I pull myself up and walk over to the bed where I collapse onto it. I shove the pillow over my face and scream into it for a solid few minutes until my throat becomes sore and dry. However, I hear the door creak open and a set of footsteps approach me. I turn around and face a boy around the same age as me. He has bright, rather fluffy turquoise hair and a set of grey eyes, almost identical to mine.   
“Hey, are you- are you okay?” He asks, his voice calm, “I um- I saw what happened, I just wanted to check if you were alright.”  
“I’m fine. But who the hell are you and why are you in here?” I snap.  
“Oh! Sorry, I’m Teddy, Teddy Lupin? I’m your roomie.”  
“Roomie?” I ask, my voice coarse from all the screaming.  
“I’m your room-mate.”  
“I see you’ve already made yourself quite comfortable here.”  
“Yeah, sorry about the mess, I’m working on quite a big project at the moment.” He laughs, sitting down on his bed opposite mine.   
“Lupin? Why do I know that name?”  
“Oh, I probably should’ve mentioned. My mother was your cousin.”  
“So you’re like my second cousin?”  
“Yeah, I think so. I think that’s how it works. But seriously, are you alright?”  
“Not really.”  
“Do you want to talk about it? I’m happy to listen or help in any way I can?”  
“No I don’t but thank you. The closest thing to talking about it I’ve been to is screaming into my pillow for the past five minutes.”  
“I guess that’s one way of dealing with it.” He chuckles, pulling out a trunk from beneath his bed and pulls out a familiar looking bottle. “Butterbeer?”  
“Go on then.” I give in and he throws me across a bottle. I cast a charm quickly and the bottle cap pops off.   
“Where’d you learn that little trick?”  
“Oh, my girlfriend and I sued to sneak butterbeer back from Hogsmeade in our gloves with a shrinking charm. We didn’t exactly have bottle openers so we found a charm that did it for us.”  
“Your girlfriend eh?”  
“Late-girlfriend.”  
“Oh… I’m sorry.”  
“It’s okay. She passed a few years ago.” There’s a small pause. “Where’d you get these?”  
“There’s a bar in the communal area. But that’s the only place we’re allowed to drink and booze is like gold down here. So don’t rat me out for sneaking these back up here.”  
“Don’t worry, I won’t. I’m good at keeping secrets.”  
“How come?”  
“I’ve just learnt to keep things to myself over my life. It saves you a lot of trouble."


	41. Apology and Rememberance

July 2017 – Age 19

Teddy and I are sat at the dining table in the communal area with two plates of stew in-front of us, however I am yet again, not hungry whatsoever. I sit there, stirring it round with my fork, somewhat glumly. I am still a little- upset- about the whole situation the other day and I’ve been feeling lower than ever. I think everything is finally catching up and weighing down onto me, making me just exhausted and drained. Even getting out of bed each morning feels like a chore…  
“You okay? You’ve not touched your plate.” Teddy picks up.  
“Not hungry, that’s all.” I reply, pushing my pate over to him, “You can finish it if you want.”  
Teddy looks over my shoulder, tapping it, “Hey, Granger’s coming over, she won’t want to see you giving me seconds, you know what she’s like on you having more than your given.”  
I sit up, rolling my eyes, “What the fuck does she want?” I snap.  
“I dunno, she never eats with us.”  
Granger walks over, smiling as she sits down opposite me. I glare at her harshly.  
“Good evening Mr Lupin, Miss Lestrange.” She greets us.  
“Evening, Teddy smiles, attempting to ease the tension.  
“Evening.” I say, an icy tone about my voice.  
“Mr Lupin would you leave us for a moment?” she asks.  
“Oh- um, yes, of course.” He picks up both plates and his cutlery.  
“Mr Lupin I do hope you aren’t taking seconds.”  
“No? Why would I?” he laughs nervously.  
“Bring that plate back here.” And he places it back down beside me, heading off to the bar.  
“What do you want?” I snap again, this time harsher.  
“I want to talk about the incident the other day.”  
“I don’t.”  
“What happened?”  
“You know what happened, you were there.”  
“I know, but I want to know from your perspective.”  
“They showed something private that I didn’t want anyone seeing. And now everyone in this place has.”  
“First of all, I am so sorry. I didn’t know and I assumed that you’d have nothing to hide, that you wouldn’t be uncomfortable with it.”  
“I was begging them not to. You saw that I was. You watched it happen and didn’t intervene. You saw I was far more than uncomfortable.”  
“Secondly, after the incident, I continued the announcement and the Order took it slightly better than I expected.”  
“Okay?”  
“And finally. Are you okay? We can get you help if you want it, we have healers trained in the psychological sector and they’d be very much willing to help.”  
“I- um,” I pause. I want to get better, I really, really do and this could be my only chance and the only help I may have access to. it’ll be for the best, I hope.  
“I’m by no means forcing you, it’s ultimately your decision. But I just want what’s best for you. I may seem like a very uptight, absolute bitch of a woman sometimes,”  
“Sometimes? All the time more like.”  
“As I was saying, I do care about you and everyone in the Order. I want you to know that you aren’t on your own, we’re all here for you.”  
“I’ll pay a visit to the healers. I do want to get better but I can’t do it on my own.”  
“What did I just say? You aren’t on your own. If you pop down there tomorrow morning, they’ll sort out something for you. They’re very good I must say?”  
“Is that from experience?”  
“No not so much myself. However, other Order members who’ve struggled with losing friends or family have been to them and they’ve had good things to say about them.”  
“Okay…”  
“Shall I leave you to it? Also before I forget, there’s a memorial ceremony as you asked.”  
“If you could please, and thank you, I appreciate it.”  
“Also, don’t let Mr Lupin eat you dinner, we have rations for a reason.” She laughs before getting up and leaving. I watch her walk out before I join Teddy at the bar, taking a seat beside him.  
“What was all that about?” he asks, passing me a bottle of butterbeer which I push back to him.  
“Just an apology for the other day.”  
“I think you’re the first person I’ve met to decline a butterbeer.”  
“I’m gonna head back, I’m pretty tired anyway.”  
“I might join you, just means I’ll have to sneak these back up.” He laughs, taking out his wand and casting a shrinking charm on them.  
“That’s another thing I learnt back in Hogwarts. Me and my girlfriend shrunk them and hid them in our gloves on the way back from Hogsmeade.”  
“That isn’t actually a bad idea.” He chuckles before stuffing the two bottles into his pocket and we go back up to our dorm.

*** 

There’s four of us making our way up the staircase and up to the outside world. I haven’t had fresh air for about three weeks now so I’m looking forward to being able to just breathe. It’s getting quite warm now despite being at a high altitude but today is much colder and there is a chill about the air despite it being July. The breeze is what makes us feel the cold though and it’s much cooler than I expected so I’m glad I put a jumper on. However, even though I’m looking forward to getting fresh air, it’s Rebecca’s memorial and I just feel numb. I don’t feel- sad- anymore, just numb. But I don’t know what is worse, feeling too much of something, or not feeling at all. After all this is over I want to hold a proper funeral for her, with her family and friends. I don’t even know if they know she’s passed. For all I know they’re preparing for her birthday next week. Just the thought of this hurts… I’ll have to send them an owl with the news…

We emerge through a trapdoor and outside where I am instantly blinded by how bright it is compared to the shaft. Despite it being a grey day, it hurts my eyes for a bit as they adjust. I take a few deep breathes, inhaling the pure, fresh, unspoiled mountain air. It tastes good. It does feel good to have some fresh air pumped into my lungs I must admit. There’s an edge several meters away to the left of the hatch that has a relatively steep drop to a forest below, shrouded in scattered cloud. It overlooks the mountain range and the forest and the lake within the valley beneath which stretches for as far as I can see. 

“Ready?” Luna asks me, the same comforting, gentle tone about her voice. I nod in reply and take another deep breath.   
“We’re here today er-“ I begin to stumble. “We’re- we’re-“ I can’t seem to piece together my words. I know what I want to say but when I try to say it, I just can’t get the words together and out of my mouth. “We’re here today to-“ I try again, feeling the tears prick at my eyes and the lump form in my throat. I don’t want to cry, I really don’t. I want to be strong, just for today, for Rebecca. Come on Delphi, you can do this. Pull your absolute mess of a self together and get the bloody words out your mouth, they’re all waiting.  
“You alright Delphi?” Teddy asks.  
“Yeah- yeah I’m fine.” I wipe the tears away and pinch the top of my hand. “We’re here today for the remembrance of Rebecca Seahall. A kind, compassionate, courageous woman who was taken too soon.” I take a pause. “She was taken at the hands of a Death Eater during an attempt to turn this world around for the greater good. She was- warm hearted, always put others before herself, she was always there for you. Even if you were at your lowest. She was true to herself, and a wonderfully caring woman, cherishing her friends and family deeply.” I stop again, figuring out my next words to avoid a repeat of earlier. “Rebecca was practically my mother. More of a mother to me than my own ever was. She shaped me to who I am today. And I am grateful to have know such a person. She was taken too soon. But her death was not in vain, she fought until her final breath. She will not be seen as a sacrifice along the way. She will not be forgotten.”  
There is silence as I finish, the knot in my stomach loosening. I nod at the others and we draw out wands, taking a stance at the edge of the rockface. We poise our wands in the air and let off several red sparks. They shine bright crimson in the dull, grey sky and I do not take my eyes from them until they fade away completely. I lower my wand before we stand there for a few minutes in a moment of peace and serenity, the air silent except for the quiet breeze.   
“That was very moving Delphi. I’m sure she was a wonderful woman.” Luna hugs me a little unexpectedly but I go with it. It’s a nice hug. And she’s possibly the nicest human being I’ve ever met. But then we pull apart and we go back down before anyone out there might pick up our location. However, I turn back round and face the valley and whisper “I love you…”


	42. September Storm

September 2017 – Age 19

Teddy and I are on the rota for patrol duty up on the surface today. I’ve done it once or twice so far and Teddy’s done it a few times in the past so we both have a bit of an idea of what we’re doing. Plus my psychiatrist has told me I need to get outside as part of my therapy programme. They told me I need to ‘get more fresh air’ and ‘focus on the bright side of things’ to apparently help with my mental health. However, I’m finding almost everything they’ve suggested or we’ve tried absolutely useless or hasn’t worked in the slightest. I’m still an inch away from flinging myself off the cliff top every time I’m up here or sneaking up here during the night to finish the job. I’m not allowed sharps of any sort and Teddy has to have his locked in a box with a charm I don’t know the counter charm for and when I go outside I have to have someone with me. Probably so I don’t throw myself off the cliff. Things got a little better for a few weeks or so where I actually had the motivation to do something with my life. But this past week or so, it’s just gone downhill and everything seems to be hitting me hard as hell. I’ve just been this lump with a bleak cloud hovering around my shoulders, weighing me down. I’ve struggled to leave bed and it’s a miracle if I even get down for dinner. Teddy has definitely helped I must admit. I’ve been so used to just keeping everything to myself and being entirely on my own for the past few years that I had forgotten about how much having someone there with you can do for you. He listens to me, I listen to him. And it does make a difference. Not much, but enough to make me feel less trapped. Less like I’m on my own. Little things, I know, but they help.

We emerge up to the surface and the heavens have opened. It’s pouring with rain and there’s the occasional flash of lightning followed by the growl of thunder. Luckily, we bought coats and Teddy taught me a charm to make an umbrella with your wand. We should be fine, it’s only for two hours plus I can see a patch of blue sky on the horizon headed our way. We walk towards the woods to patrol there as there’s been sightings of other people who aren’t Order members recently. They don’t know if they were Death Eaters or just muggle hikers but Hermione doesn’t want to take any risks. It’s quite nice in here as the trees provide some shelter from the torrential rain, not a lot I must admit but it does reduce the force it hits us with. We just wander around, keeping our wands close just in case, chatting over the noise of the storm. We’ve started talking about family and our relatives the past few days so that seems to be the topic of discussion today.  
“Your Mother’s cousin, Sirius Black? Has anyone told him to you?” He asks.  
“I’ve heard Mother mention his name a few times. All I know is that she was there when he died, she had some part in it.”  
“She did? I heard he fell through the veil.”  
“That’s what did happen, but apparently Mother hit him with a curse and he fell backwards into it. I assume it was the killing curse…”  
“Oh…” There’s a silence that hangs in the air for a moment which is soon broken by a clap of thunder. It makes us both jump a little as we were definitely not expecting it. We laugh a little though, lightening the mood. “Do you want some chocolate? I snuck it from the kitchens yesterday. Thought we could do with some sugar.” He holds out a half-eaten bar of chocolate to me. I look at it, chuckling.   
“How the hell did you even get it? It’s like gold here.”  
“Well, I have mates in the kitchens.”   
I snap off a few chunks and eat it before it gets soggy from the rain.   
“So, I don’t think we’ve talked about this that much. Well, not that I can remember. But what’s your love life like?”  
I choke on the chocolate and I stand there, coughing quite hard. “Sorry?”  
“Jeez, Delphi are you alright?”  
“Yeah I’m okay.” I cough one final time, my throat settling as I take a drink of water.  
“You sure?”  
“Yep.”  
“Well, I assume it’s—”  
“Complicated?”  
“Yeah…”  
“Well, complicated is one way of putting it.”  
“Care to explain?”  
“I think I have mentioned that my girlfriend is dead?”  
“Shit I’m so sorry. I think you have mentioned it at some point.”  
“Grief is- shitty…”  
He squeezes my shoulder supportively, “And you lost Rebecca a few months ago, no one should have to go through that much grief…”  
“Well, it’s life I guess.”  
“So are you a lesbian or bi or something?”  
“Lesbian. I’ve never really been attracted to guys. Just the thought of doing it with one makes me so uncomfortable. Like, sickly uncomfortable.”  
“How did you keep it from your parents though? That must’ve been so hard.”  
“Well, being gay in an extremely homophobic society isn’t exactly easy is it? My mother found out about a month after Brina passed.”  
“Brina?”  
“That was her name?”  
“Yeah, what about it?”  
“I’m sure we had a girl named Brina here a few years ago…”  
My attention suddenly spikes up and my curiosity spikes, ending up with me blurting out rather hopeful. My mind seems to be jumping to conclusions which bring my hopes up for a mere moment. “Was her surname Evettes? Five foot seven ish, shoulder length hair, thick glasses?”  
“Honestly, I can’t remember, it must’ve been three or four years ago now.”  
“How old were you? Can you remember anything about her?”  
“I was sixteen I think, almost sixteen anyway. I can’t remember much, only that she was here for a few weeks and then I never saw her again… she definitely had glasses though.”  
“Do you think Hermione would know anything?”  
“Perhaps, she did arrive with her and Ron so she might know something.”  
“We have to report to her after this don’t we?”  
“Yeah, you could ask her about it then maybe.”  
“I’m going to. If there’s any chance she might be alive, then I want to know.”  
“You don’t think she’s your Brina do you?”  
“Perhaps. I watched her be taken by two Death Eaters, turn the corner and vanish completely. I never saw her again, I presume she was killed…”  
“That must’ve been awful, I’m so sorry…”  
“Didn’t sleep for four days after it, every time I closed my eyes it all just kept replaying over and over again in my head.”  
“Did your parents ever find out about it all?”  
“My father was the one who sent the kill order.”  
“What the hell? You think it was a way to get you?”  
“Brina’s grandfather was a squib. And Father definitely knew about us but he didn’t confront me until last September. That’s when I decided I’d be the one to kill him. I ran away a few weeks after.”  
“Did your mother ever find out?”  
“Yes… a month or so after Brina died, I was home for half term and as soon as I got in, she pulled me aside and we had this- massive argument. She was screaming at me, I was shouting back at her.”  
“I take it she didn’t take it very well.”  
“It was a complete accident, I just sort of blurted it out. I was upset and I’d had enough of her bullshit and she was yelling at me about everything. It just slipped out of my mouth without a second though. It ended with her using the Cruciatis curse on me.”  
“Oh god…” Teddy’s face turns paler than it already was.  
“I’m sorry, that got quite dark.”  
“No, no it’s okay. Well, if it makes you feel any better, the movement are going to remove the anti-LGBTQ laws if we manage to overthrow.”  
“How about you? What’s your love life like?”  
He laughs, scratching the back of his neck nervously. “I’m confused you know? I’m mostly attracted to guys but the occasional girl. I can’t really see myself with one though, or doing the deed.”  
“You are missing out. Girls just—” I do a chef’s kiss type thing, laughing.  
“You can’t talk, you’ve had one girlfriend!”  
“Yeah, well that didn’t stop us doing it a few times. Mostly in a dusty old tower room.”  
“Ew.”  
“It wasn’t actually that bad, cold, but good vibes I guess. First proper time was summer four years ago.”  
“Your parents let her come over?”  
“Well, big house, no parents home, she had grandparents down the road from me and she was staying there for a few days. Snuck out and came over at one in the morning. Good sex though.”  
“Well, as I was saying,” he laughs, “I don’t know if I’m bisexual or just- straight up gay. I’m just queer I guess. Never had a boyfriend, had a few one night stands though.”  
We chuckle lightly as we continue to trudge through the woods, the rain calming down even more until it’s just a light drizzle. The sky is still a grim, stone grey and has the occasional flash of lightning which is quite impressive. There’s not much noise except the gentle trickle of a stream and the short rolls of thunder which are getting further and further away. There’s no cars, no people, just nature. It’s quite peaceful. However, something just feels- off. Wrong even. Something has caught my attention and is not letting go of it, setting alarm bells off in my head. I stop in my tracks, peering around my surroundings, however, I cannot see anything that would set me on edge like this.  
“You okay?” Teddy asks, lowering his voice, picking up on my tenseness. I draw my wand and he does the same.  
“Yeah- I just feel—” As the words slip through my mouth, I hear a snap of a twig from behind us. I turn around quickly, poising my wand, glancing around the area.  
“Delphi—” Teddy whispers but I press my finger up against my lips, gesturing for him to stay quiet. We look around, scanning the woods for anyone or anything. It’s quiet for a moment but I can hear my heart pounding in my ears.   
And then a bolt of red strikes past my head. I duck in shock, only to look up again at a pair of Death Eaters, dark robes draped over their shoulders as they emerge from behind the foliage.   
“Come on! Run!” Teddy grabs my wrist and pulls me along behind him back through the forest. I throw back a handful of counter spells in a pathetic attempt to hold off the pair from us. It does very little to help and I miss with all of them bar one which only disarms one of them. We carry on with our frantic get away, several curses whistling past us, only missing us by an inch or so. Teddy dissapparates, taking me with him and we appear outside the trapdoor to enter the hide out and we scramble to open it. Teddy stamps on it twice, pausing before another two times, signalling for those below to open it up.   
“Can they get it open any slower?!” Teddy yells, panicked.  
“HEY! HURRY UP!” I yell down. There is another pause before it unlocks and we pull it open, scurrying down the ladder, Teddy yanking the door shut as a spell ricochets off the metal on the outside. Teddy places the charm to seal it and it clicks shut. We stand in silence for a moment, not even daring to try and catch our breath, not moving a muscle either. The pair above us try to pull on the hatch, rattling it loudly. They bang and make noises of frustration for a minute or so before it stops. Presumably, they retreat. We breathe out a sigh of relief, catching our breath finally.  
“Fuck me…” I pant.  
“Bloody hell, we haven’t had an incident like that for years…”  
“They must’ve known I survived my attempt.”  
“We need to tell Hermione about this, we’ve had warning signs for weeks now. They might know where we are, they could attack at any point.”  
“Like full blown Battle of Hogwarts?”  
“Battle of the Order more like. They have the power to do so, it could happen.”  
“Well, we’ll make sure we’re ready to give them one hell of a storm if they do attack, I’ve had enough of their shit.”  
“Come on, lets get out of here…”


	43. Handwriting

September 2017 – Age 19

Teddy and I arrive outside Hermione’s office to report back on the incident earlier. He knocks on the door firmly and we wait a moment before it creaks open. We step inside and Hermione is sat behind her desk and covers up the papers she has in-front of her quickly. My curiosity spikes a little as she seems a little- shifty- about it. But I shrug it off for the time being, we have more pressing matters.  
“Ah, Teddy, Delphi,” She greets us with a smile, “How can I help?”  
Teddy looks at me, worriedly, the events of the last hour probably still playing on his mind. “Delphi and I just got back from patrol. There was an- incident.” He tells her, stumbling a little.  
Hermione’s smile fades into a look of concern, “Incident?”  
“You know others have seen people in the woods the past few days but we weren’t sure. We we’re on the way back and we don’t know who- why- what, I don’t know.” Teddy is now stumbling on his sentences, nervously.  
“Spit it out Teddy.” Hermione says.  
“Can- can you say? I- can’t—” He mumbles to me. I nod in reply, a small comforting smile on my face.”  
“We were on our way back and we were attacked by two Death Eaters. Well, we think. We were chased back through the woods and they’ve found the hatch.”  
The colour in Hermione’s rosy cheeks fades entirely, “How far away was this from here?”  
“A few hundred yards maybe? Not far.”  
“Did they get in?”  
“No, we sealed the trapdoor and they retreated.”  
“Shit… We might need to consider relocating.”  
“Where?”  
“I’m not sure, we could take refuge on the coast somewhere.”  
“What if they attack though? What if they destroy this place in the process? Kill every single one of us?”  
“We don’t know if they know that this is where we take refuge. They only saw the two of you, the first sighting was four days ago so that would be eight people at most. Eight of one hundred and twelve.”   
“So are you saying we should be okay or?”  
“For now, we should be okay. We just need to be ready. I’ll make an announcement tonight that there is a risk of attack from Voldemort’s forces and the measures we need to be taking. Hopefully, we should be okay. We have stuff like this all the time.”  
“Alright.”  
“Thank you for bringing this up with me though, if we hadn’t known about it, we’d be at a much greater risk than we are. Is that all?”  
“I think so, yes.” As I say this, a rather large tawny owl flies through the door and perches on the edge of Hermione’s desk, dropping an envelope onto the pile of paper in-front of us. I recognise the handwriting but I can’t pinpoint who’s it is. I only get a quick glance anyway before Hermione places it in the drawer in her desk.   
“You have communications outside the Order?”  
“We have connections with several- smaller organisations.” She replies, but I can sense she’s lying. She’s hiding something from us, I can tell. “Well, you two go and grab something from the dining hall, if they ask, you have permission from Miss Granger.”  
“Okay, thank you Hermione.” Teddy says.  
“Thanks.” I say too before we turn around. However, I reach the door and stop. Teddy turns around to me, raising an eyebrow.   
“What are you doing?” He whispers.  
“I recognised the handwriting on the letter. And I need to ask her about Brina.” I reply, almost silently.  
“You want to do that now?”  
“Yes! If there’s any chance that my fucking girlfriend may actually be alive, I’ll bloody well do anything to find out if she is.”  
“Alright,” He sighs, “I’ll meet you in the dining hall. Just don’t get- angry or anything.”  
“I won’t, don’t worry.” I chuckle and he leaves.   
“Delphi? Why aren’t you going with him?”  
“Um, I have a few questions if you don’t mind.”  
“Oh, not at all, what’s on your mind?” She gestures to the seat opposite her with her wand and it pulls itself out from under the desk. I sit down, my nerves kicking in a little.  
“Earlier, Teddy and I were discussing our- love life.”  
“Delphi, I’m not interested in your love life.”  
“You know my girlfriend? She was killed when I was sixteen.”  
“I am aware, I’m sorry.”  
“I have reason to believe she may not be.”  
“What makes you say that?”  
“Teddy said that when he was sixteen, there was a girl here called Brina.”  
Hermione fidgets in her seat a little. “Was that your girlfriends name?”  
“Yes. Her name was Sabrina Evettes, Brina for short. February 25th 2014 she was killed because her grandfather was a squib.”  
“I don’t recall anyone here then called Brina, I’m sorry.”  
“Oh, okay.”  
“I’m truly sorry Delphi. Perhaps Teddy was thinking of another girl, there was another girl called Beau who looked rather similar to her. Maybe it was her he was talking about.”  
“It’s okay. Thank you for clearing it up though, I’d just hate it if it was covered up that she was alive this whole time.”  
“Now, go find Teddy in the dining hall, I have work to do, I expect you do too. I’m sorry I couldn’t be of more help.”  
“Thank you though.” I get up and leave quickly. I know she’s hiding something from me. She said ‘there was another girl who looked similar to her’. How would she even know what Brina looked like if she hadn’t have been here? Perhaps she was here? The handwriting on the letter was definitely hers. The rushed but neat cursive, the long loop on the G, the shifted dot above the I over to the right. It was very unique, one that was very hard to forget I’ve never seen anyone else with handwriting like hers. So, if it IS her, then I’ll need to get my hands on the letter. And it’s a good thing that she has arranged an announcement tonight. That gives me a good ten minutes to get in here and have a look around. If not, I’ll try when everyone is asleep. I need to know if she’s alive. I need to. I can’t bear the thought of not knowing, it’s worse than knowing that she’s dead. The uncertainty, the whole thing just playing on your mind. I hate it so much. I need to find out, I just need to set my mind at rest. That’s why I’m going to have a look again tonight. Break in. Well, it sounds a lot worse than it actually is. But you know what? Fuck it. I’m doing it. 

*** 

I lie in bed staring at the clock which hits half past one in the morning. I decided against going when everyone was at the meeting as it would be easy to realise I wasn’t there. And if I had made a very obvious disturbance, it would definitely point all fingers on me. I slip out of bed, the mattress creaking ever so slightly. Teddy turns over, rustling his sheets but the sound of my bed is not enough to wake him up. He is still sound asleep as I put my shoes on and pull a hoodie over me, taking my wand from the side table. “Lumos.” I mutter, the tip of my wand glowing a soft blue as I open the door, it also creaking slightly but Teddy lies asleep. I slip out, closing it gently behind me. There’s no one out here, curfew was an hour ago or so ago so technically, I’m not meant to be out of here. There are a few torches still glowing a soft orange but do very little to light the way. I start walking up the staircase slowly as it starts to move upwards. Surprisingly, it’s almost silent, the only noise being my shoes on the metal steps. Soon enough, I arrive on the top level where Hermione’s office is. The room behind the glass in the door is dark, presumably empty. I approach it carefully, twisting the door knob. The door is unlocked luckily, otherwise I don’t think Alohomora would work knowing Hermione. She probably has some other charm on it. It does surprise me however seeing as she talked about the threat level having increased, therefore, shouldn’t she definitely make sure that it was locked? But I do not complain, it saves me some trouble with tampering with the lock. 

I open the door slowly, only enough to let me squeeze through. Glancing around, I see that no one is in here thankfully. I walk up to the desk which is still covered with the papers she tried to hide from us earlier. I’ll look at them if I get time, my priority is that letter. I open up the drawer she put the letter in, hovering the light from my wand over it. It’s not just one letter, it’s an entire folder. I take it out, holding my wand between my fingers as I open up the folder. I flip through, every sheet in the same handwriting. There must be at least a hundred, probably more. Each one has the date written in the top left corner, the first starting in June 2014. The handwriting is unmistakable, I know exactly who’s hand it belongs to. And signed at the bottom of each letter is ‘Yours Sincerely, Brina Evettes’. 

My heart stops, my wand slipping out from my fingers and it clatters to the floor. The noise startles me as it’s loud, loud enough for someone to hear it in the room below. I stand still for a moment, not just in shock, but in fear. And then I hear a set of footsteps walk across the floor below me and up the stairs. In panic, I grab my wand, close up the folder and shut the drawer. I don’t have time to look at the rest of the sheets, I need to get out from here. But the footsteps are nearing the outside the office. If I left now, I’d be seen. I have no choice but to hide. I look around for a place to hide and see the cabinet in the corner. It’s tall enough for me to crouch down in. I dart over to it, pulling the door open and crouching down inside and flicking my wand so that the door shuts again. And not half a second after it clicks shut, the office door opens. I peek out through the gap between the doors, holding my breath, not daring to move a muscle as I watch Hermione walk towards her desk. She holds the same blue light as I did as she stands over the papers, checking that they’re all still there. I clutch the file close to me, my palms sweating and my heart racing. She checks the drawer and stops. I hear her curse under her breath. I’m starting to lose my balance and I topple backwards, making a rather loud thudding noise. My heart skips a beat and I stay still as stone. Hermione turns towards the cabinet I’m in.  
“Who’s in here?” She asks, firmly, turning on the light. “It would be wise to show yourself if I we’re you.”  
I stay still, holding my breath again and watching Hermione check every possible place I could’ve hidden, under the desk, behind the bookshelf, under the coats on the rail. And then she approaches the cabinet. I haven’t got a choice now, she will hear if I apparate or cast the invisibility charm. And then she pulls the door wide open. The sudden change in lighting blinds me for a second before I squint up and see her staring down at me, utter rage on her face.  
“Hi Hermione.” I chuckle, nervously.  
“Hello Delphi.” She replies, harshly with a cold tone about her voice. She grabs the file but I try and fight back for it.  
“No—” I stammer as she finally yanks it from my grasp, tosses it aside and pulls me up out of the bottom of the cabinet by the collar of my jumper. She somehow manages to tower over me, her face an inch from mine. Somehow, she reminds me of my Mother, and it triggers something inside me.  
“What the FUCK ARE YOU DOING?!” She shouts at me. And that’s it, it triggers so many memories to come back that I had tried to repress for so long.  
“Hermione, please let go of me—” I beg, my voice shaking, my head filling up with the memories of Mother screaming at me, knowing what will happen next. “Hermione—”  
“Delphi, why are you in here!” She ignores my words and continues to shout at me. My heart beating even faster than it already was, the hot flushes on the back of my neck and nausea setting in.  
“LET GO PLEASE!” I cry out, pulling myself away, collapsing to the floor, staring up at her in the most fear I have felt for four months being the fear of her. All I see if my Mother. I can’t not see it. And it’s terrifying. Hermione finally realises, her face shifting in a split second from utter rage to realisation of what she has just done.   
“Oh my god, Delphi…” She kneels down in-front of me but I scramble away backwards. I still can’t not see it. “Hey, hey, it’s okay.” She tries to reach out for my hand but I pull it away.  
“Get away from me!” I shout, tears running hot down my cheeks, terror running through my veins.   
“Delphi, look at me.”  
I do not, I look down, squeezing my eyes shut because every time I look at her, all I can see is my mother. “No- I can’t.”  
“Just breathe okay? Can you tell me what’s wrong?”  
“Please just don’t- don’t grab me and then scream at me like that. Please…” I sob.   
“I am so sorry Delphi…”   
I open my eyes, look back up at her and this time, I see Hermione. I see Hermione Granger. I manage to regain some control over my breathing and my heart rate slows down a little. “Just please don’t do it again.”  
“I won’t, okay? I didn’t know it had that effect on you…”  
“Blame my mother for it. She used to grab me like that and scream at me. When you did it all I could see was her.”  
“Again, I’m so sorry. Are you okay?”  
“I should be. I can breathe normally now.”  
“But why were you in here?”  
“Because I recognised the handwriting on the letter earlier. And when I asked you about Brina you dismissed it. But I knew you were lying.”  
“Delphi—”  
“Tell me. Is Brina Evettes alive?”  
Hermione stares at me, my stomach still sick with fear. “Yes. Yes she is very much so.”


	44. Benefit of a Lie

October 2017 – Age 19

Since the other night, I haven’t spoken with Hermione. I don’t really want to, just the anger about the whole situation is too much to even bring myself to walk up the stairs to her office. I’m angry, confused, shocked. I’ve spoken with Teddy about it and he’s just as confused as I am. I’m just so upset about the fact that I’ve spent the last three and a half years mourning and alone and hopeless all because I thought she was dead. I watched her get dragged down the corridor and vanish towards her death. There was no way around it. I’ve suffered so much from her apparent death, even the few hours before I found out she was alive I was hurting from it. And the fact that Hermione hid it from me, she didn’t want me to find out about it because it might ‘distract’ me from my duties to the Order. But I’m somewhat angry at Brina in a way. The fact that she hasn’t contacted me. I haven’t had a letter, I haven’t had even a sign. All I got was pain and visions of her when she wasn’t actually there. I hated it, it was a torment. She was never actually there, how do I know if she would ever say any of it in real life? I don’t even know where she is, I don’t know how I can contact her, I don’t even know if she’s in the country. And what was she doing sending hundreds of letters to Hermione? So many questions, too many questions. Too many questions hurting my head, making it throb for hours on end, painful enough to keep me in bed all day. I’ve taken painkillers, drunk water but nothing seems to help. And I’m still stuck here lying in bed, my head loud and pounding five days later.

Teddy walks in holding two beer bottles which he sets down on his desk. He slumps down on the end of my bed and I shift my feet so that he does not sit on them. “How’s your head?” He asks.  
“Still not great…” I reply, dryly.  
“Hey, look what I managed to sneak up here.” He takes the beer bottles, popping the cap off with the charm I taught him.  
“I see you’re making the most out of that spell.” I chuckle lightly.  
“It’s pretty handy, especially when that old grump Greg forgets to take the cap off for you at the bar.” He holds out a bottle to me, I sit up and take it but don’t seem to drink it.  
“I don’t think this would be best for my head…”  
“You sure? Might help take your mind off things.”  
“How can I take my mind off the fact that Hermione has been hiding that Brina is actually alive?”  
“Very true…” He sighs, “Hey, talking of Hermione, I bumped into her on the way up here and she wants to see you in the Board Room at like six.”  
“What’s the time now?” I look over at the clock, Teddy stairs down at his watch. We both look up again, realising it’s bang on six o’clock. “Shit.”  
“Shit.”  
“I’ve got to go, I’ll see you later.”  
“Hope it’s what I think it is.”  
“Me too.”  
I get out of bed, pull my boots on and dart out the door, the fastest I’ve moved for days. I make my way up to the Board Room, my head still hurting but not as much. I knock on the door and wait for it to swing open. After it does, I step in, closing it behind me. Hermione is seated at the end of the table, a rather stern look on her face and the file full of letters is sat in-front of her.  
“Sit.” She says, firmly. I take a seat at the middle of the side of the table, putting distance between us. “I understand you have questions. Questions that I was not able to answer the other day.”  
“I do indeed, so much so that I’ve had a headache for the past five days because of them.”  
“Yes, Teddy did mention you weren’t feeling- great.”  
“I certainly am not. I’ve been lied to by one of the only people I have some form of trust with. And it was for your benefit.”  
“It was for your benefit Delphini.”  
I sigh, burying my head in my hands in frustration. She really does not like to admit she is wrong. “No, you’ve lied to me to keep me in your grasp. So you can use me to your advantage.”  
“Delphi, I did it to protect her.”  
“What do you mean?”  
“If you somehow found out that she was alive and went in search of her, your Father’s followers may have followed you and put her life in danger. As far as they’re aware, she’s dead.”  
“As far as I’m aware, she’s alive but I have no idea where she is or why she hasn’t contacted me. All I needed was a sign that she was still here and it would’ve saved me almost four years-worth of pain and might have given me some hope in this shitty world.”  
“Again, it was to protect her, and you at that.”  
“Protection this, protection that. What is the real reason?”  
Hermione sighs heavily, finally giving in. “Because I didn’t want you distracted from your work with the Order, I needed your head in the game if we were to even stand a chance at overthrowing your Father. And then I would’ve made sure she came back to you, only if it was safe for both her and you.”  
“I’d much rather know that she was alive and safe than have to go through all those years of thinking all I had left of her was a crushed pocket-watch, a photograph and a voice in my head.”  
“You think I don’t know how it feels to lose someone you love?”  
“Well you clearly haven’t felt the same type of grief I have.”  
“I watched Harry and so many others die at the hands of you God forsaken father. I was distraught for the next two years.”  
There is an uncomfortable pause between us, the only noise being the gentle ticking of the clock on the wall behind us.  
“Look,” Hermione begins, breaking the silence, “I didn’t ask for you to come here for us to argue.”  
“Why did you ask for me then?”  
“I owe you an explanation. And I want you to have these.” She pushes over the folder of Brina’s letters over to me slowly, somewhat reluctantly but smiles slightly. “They should explain most of what I’m about to tell you, or at least follow on from it. And give you some comfort maybe.”  
“Thank you.”   
“Right, Merlin where do I start?”  
“From the beginning perhaps?”  
“That would be a good idea.” She takes a rather deep breath.   
I feel like we might be here for a while, not just for the explanation but for the sheer amount of questions I’ll have.   
“We had someone on the inside of the Ministry at the time of Brina’s disappearance. A double agent you might call them. They helped track muggle-borns or those with close muggle relations and had the date that they would be taken and or killed. They reported back to us what they could without interception in a scheme we had to rescue them and recruit them into the Order. The scheme however, failed after several months after the person who was helping us on the inside of the Ministry was caught after their owls were intercepted by Death Eaters.”  
“So they found out Brina was on the list and notified you?”  
“Yes, we found her just before the Death Eaters were going to kill her and took her back here. She agreed to join us for a while until the end of summer where she worked for us in the US to find out what was going on there.”  
“Is she still there or is she back here?”  
“She’s still there. But once we take control of the Ministry and the country is safe and there is peace, she’ll come back and find you. And she will. She asks in every one of her letters if it’s safe again for her to be with you again… She misses you more than you know.”  
“Is there any way I can write to her?”  
“Um, that’s the thing, you can’t at the moment.”  
“Why not?”  
“Two reasons, the main being that she thinks that you think she’s dead. And the second that in the letter she sent me the other day, she told me she was going off the grid into Canada for a while to lay low and would be out of contact until her next letter to us.”  
“How long will that be?”  
“A month maybe? She didn’t specify. But when she is, I will inform you straight away and you can write a letter to her and I’ll send it with mine. Okay?”  
“Yeah sounds good.” I let a smile grow on my face. At least it gives me something to do and something to look forward to. “Am I still okay to take these?” I gesture to the file of letters in-front of me.  
“Of course, they might help answer any more questions you have.”  
“Thanks.”  
“Now, I don’t want to find you sneaking around my office again.”  
“I won’t don’t worry.”  
“Good, now go get some sleep, you look absolutely exhausted.”  
I chuckle, standing up and taking the folder of letters. I tuck my chair underneath the table behind me and hold the folder up against me, a smile still on my face. “See you later.”  
“See you later Delphi.”  
And I walk out and back to my dorm, thinking up the words to what I’m going to write to Brina.


	45. A Breakthrough

October 2017 – Age 19

I sit at the bar, scrawling away on a piece of parchment. I’m on my fifth sheet of paper so far and I will probably use at least five more. I just have so much to say and once I start writing about something I remember something else that I want to say and go off on a tangent about it. Poor Brina is going to have a brilliant time reading this rollercoaster of emotions. Meanwhile I’m sat here, smiling to myself, spilling drops of ink onto the bar top as I dip my quill into my inkwell and bringing it back over to the paper. It’s excitement but also nerves. The letter is absolutely all over the place and I don’t know if Hermione will even be able to fit it all into the envelope. Oh well. Not my fault she didn’t tell me she was actually alive after almost four years. Obviously we’d have a lot of catching up to do. 

As I finish up another sentence, Ron sits down beside us but I don’t react and keep writing the letter. Teddy eventually taps me on my shoulder after a moment to grab my attention. I look up, putting my quill down.   
“Oh, hi Ron.” I smile.  
“Someone’s in a good mood today.” He chuckles.  
“Better than usual I guess.”  
“Can we help you?” Teddy asks. “Can I get you a drink or anything ?”  
“Nah, I just came down here as Hermione needs us in the board room in ten minutes. She thinks we have a break through.”  
“A breakthrough? On what?”  
“No idea, has to be good though I guess.”  
“Guess so.” Teddy laughs as Ron gets up and leaves.  
“Ready to go? May as well go now, by the time we get up there it’ll be half past.”  
“Yeah sure, just let me finish this quick.”  
“Delphi you’ve been writing that thing all day. How is it not done?”  
“I have a lot to say to her, alright?” I laugh, tidying up, putting my ink, quill and parchment back into my bag and slinging it over my shoulder. We both stand up and make our way out and up towards the top level. We take the stairs up and arrive outside the board room. We walk in, taking our seats at the table. Surprisingly, we’re the first people here. I’d at least expect Hermione to be here but, apparently not.  
“Where is everyone?” Teddy checks his watch. “It’s half past…”  
“I’d at least expect Hermione to be here. Or Luna.”  
“Yeah, odd…”  
We wait for another few minutes and there still isn’t anyone here. “If they don’t turn up in the next minute we’ll leave.”  
“Good plan. I can’t really be asked for this.” But as I say this, the other six of them pile in, chattering over each other before taking their seats. Hermione slams a pile of papers onto the table in-front of her, sighing heavily. “Right. First of all, I’d like to apologise on Ron and Fred’s behalf as the two of them insisted on a drink first.” She glares at them harshly, Ron finishing the last drop of beer out his bottle and placing it down on the table. Hermione sighs again, “So it’s been a few months since the first attempt at an overthrow and assassination. And I think it may be almost time for another attempt.”  
I look up quickly, my heart skipping a beat or two in shock. I can’t really believe what’s coming out of this woman’s mouth. “What?” I say, my voice dry and anxious.  
“We need to consider another attempt to assassinate the Dark Lord. If we don’t try, we may not get another chance for a while.”  
“It won’t be easy. They’ll have upped security from last time.” George perks up, “It’ll be impossible to just walk in.”  
“Are you insane?” Teddy shouts.  
“No, I am dead serious about this.” Hermione replies firmly, folding her arms defensively. “Minerva and I have been discussing this for the last few weeks, we know the risks and we have the start of some kind of plan.”  
“It won’t work.” I mumble, “Whatever you’re thinking about, it won’t work.”  
“Would you repeat that for me?”  
“It won’t work, whatever you do, it isn’t going to work. There’s absolutely no point in trying. You’ll just get us all killed.”  
“She’s right you know, it’s a suicide mission.” Ginny agrees.  
“We will die. And if for some miracle we don’t, they’ll torture us for information and then put us out of our misery.”  
“Could we not push it back a few months? It might be safer?”  
“That’s the whole fucking point. It isn’t ever going to be safe.” I snap suddenly. “I tried it on Voldemort day for the exact purpose of it being the easiest time for me to do it. Look where that got me. One dead friend and a suicide attempt later, look where I am. Right back at the start.” I feel the tears prick at my eyes and I hate that I just let that fall out my mouth. There’s a silence that lingers in the air for some time and I attempt to calm myself down again.   
“Delphi, you wanted to be the one to kill him, did you not?” Hermione finally breaks the silence.  
“Yes, I still do.” I reply, firmly.  
“Our plan is to have a small group go with you and assist you with the assassination and then a much larger one to help overthrow the ministry.”  
“How large are we talking about?” Teddy asks, fear in his voice.”  
“Sixty.”  
“But that’s—”  
“Over a half of the adults here?”  
“Yeah…”  
“We asked, they volunteered.”  
“You’re willing to possibly have half of us slaughtered.”  
“They’re willing to. And if it’s sixty of us to die or every person who carries nt even a drop of non-magic blood, I think you’d choose the same as I would.”  
There is yet another period of long, uncomfortable silence.  
George clears his throat, ending the silence. “So um… when are we thinking of doing this?”  
“Well, if it all goes to plan, we’re looking at late November or early December.” Hermione states.  
“How much planning do we still have to do?” I ask, “I mean, we can’t just saunter in, it took me months to plan and it still went to shit.”  
“Well, there was just one of you.” McGonagall chuckles lightly.  
“Two, actually.”   
“Sorry, two of you. And still, obviously it took you months to plan. But there’s eight of us here and more outside the door.”  
“Well, what’s the plan so far?” Teddy asks.  
“We don’t have much, it’s only a rough idea of what we could do.”  
“Let’s hear it then.”  
Hermione picks up a sheet of paper and begins to read it. God knows what she’s got, I can’t think of anything that would even get us into the place, let alone stage a coup.  
“Firstly, we send in a small decoy group. Their aim is to get caught. That way, the second group of about five or six can get in safely and unnoticed. Then finally, the rest of us get in to assist with an overthrow.”  
“That’s actually- not a bad idea.” Ron chuckles and we nod in somewhat approval.  
“As I said, it isn’t much but it’s a start. It’s only rough.”  
“So what else do you have or is that it for the moment?”  
“That’s about it. I think.”  
“Do you have a date?”  
“As I already said—”  
“No, an exact date.”  
“What?”  
“You said you’re planning for around December? You’d be best to do it just before Christmas, on the 20th.”  
“Why then?”  
“Because that’s when Hogwarts finishes for the holidays. There’s next to nobody in as they’re all picking up their kids and finishing preparations. It’s literally Voldemort, the high board and a few security officers in. It’ll be no problem for sixty of us. Twenty against sixty.”  
“Hmmm. I will keep that in mind, thank you.” Hermione smiles. “Right, I think that’s all for today. We’ll gather again on Saturday to finish off the plans, Thank you for your attendance.”  
We all stand up again, tucking our chairs back underneath the table and leave. Teddy and I wander back to our dorm where I continue writing my letter to Brina. The letter that ends up being fifteen sides and thousands of words long and full of my dodgy handwriting. I try to read over it again just to double check everything and I can hardly read some of it myself. Ah well, she’ll have to have fun figuring it all out herself.


	46. Hermione's Fears

November 2017 – Age 19

I finally finish up writing my letter to Brina after almost spending a week on it, reading back over, changing and tweaking but it somehow feels all over the place. But I’m happy with it. And she should be back in contact soon so I can send it off soon, hopefully in the next few days. I just need to give it to Hermione for her to send it off with her next letter to her. It’s all rather exciting for me and I actually really enjoyed writing it, I found it rather therapeutic. It took my mind off of a lot of things and gave me something to focus on. Perhaps I should try it more often. I should keep writing these to Brina, they really do help me. And I’m glad they do, I’m glad I’ve found something that helps a little. 

I place it in a make shift envelope I made from a spare sheet of parchment and seal it up, scrawling Brina’s name onto the front of it. I smile to myself as I get up from the desk, switching the lamp off and sitting back on my bed. I lie back and stay there for a moment in peace and stillness. It’s quiet, my mind, the room, outside. It’s ever so silent and it is just blissful. I realise I still have a smile on my face and whoever walks into the room next is going to be a little creeped out by it. I laugh it off excitedly as the door opens.  
“What’s got you in a good mood?” Teddy asks, walking in.  
“I don’t know.” I laugh. “I mean, I just finished my letter to Brina. I’m rather excited.”  
“After what, a week?” He chuckles, sitting down opposite me.  
“Yep about that. How was watch today?”  
“Dull and cold but at least we didn’t get chased by Death Eaters today.”  
“Well, that’s always good I guess.”  
“Oh! I almost forgot, Ron gave this to me. It’s for both of us.” He pulls out a tiny envelope and sits down next to me. He opens it up and we read over it.  
Board meeting, 5pm this evening. HG.  
I look over at the clock. It’s almost quarter past five.  
“Shit.” We both say before grabbing our bags and running up the stairs towards the board room. We burst in and everyone else is sat there.  
“About time?” Minerva scoffs.  
“Sorry, I just got off of patrol, I didn’t get the memo.” Teddy makes the excuse.  
“Well, you’re excused Mr Lupin. How about Miss Lestrange?”  
“I didn’t get the memo, Teddy was the one who got it.”  
“Understood. Sit down and we’ll get started.” Hermione says and we take our usual seats.  
***  
“So in that way, we outnumber those working there easily. It shouldn’t take too long to get through to where the Dark Lord may be. We understand it may either be his office or the Auditorium according to our eyes inside the Ministry. That’s where they predict he will be at the time we are in there.” Hermione flicks her wand and the piles of scribbled paper, notes, maps and diagrams gather themselves up into a neat pile. “We just need to work out who is going to go with who and in what group. Do any of you have preferences?”  
“I’m happy to be in any group with anyone.” Luna raises her hand.  
“Me too.” George states.  
“I’d like to stick with Delphi, I want to help her.” Teddy smiles and I return one.  
“I will call for volunteers tonight and explain the outline of our plan. I’ll then have Ron sort groups as soon as possible. We only have a matter of weeks.”  
“Weeks?” My voice cracks with fear out of nowhere.  
“We have about six or seven weeks until the coup. Then, hopefully in a few weeks from now, we should have a completely different society and, we should be living on the surface, where we belong.” She inhales sharply, her face breaking ever so subtly, so little that you wouldn’t notice it unless you knew it yourself. I can see she’s trying her very best not to show it but I know it when I see it. I know it better than most of us in this room. She walks out quickly, the door slamming behind her.  
“I think we’re finished here. Thanks for coming.” Ron dismisses us and jumps up before he follows Hermione out the door. Out of respect, we get up and leave. Teddy and I go to walk back to our dorm but in the corner of my eye I see Hermione sobbing onto Ron’s shoulder. It makes my heart ache for some reason. But I do not want to interfere, I do not want to invade her privacy. I don’t know what it’s about but I know it probably isn’t my place to ask. Next time I see her though I’ll ask just to see if she’s okay. No, I’ll go and see her later and check in. If she doesn’t want to see me, then I’ll respect her wish and leave. But it’s the least I can do, just check up on her. Plus just having someone ask if you’re alright can always mean a lot…  
***  
It’s a few hours later and I decide to go and visit Hermione and see if she’s alright, just a quick check btu if she doesn’t wish to speak to me then I’ll respect that and leave. I stand outside her office and knock gently. There’s a rather long pause before the door opens and I step inside, shutting the door quietly behind me.  
“Delphi, I wasn’t expecting you.” She sniffs a little, pushing a rather large pile of tissues and toffee wrappers into the bin. Her eyes are red and puffy and she looks still very much on edge but puts on a smile, “What can I do for you?”  
“I just wanted to check in and see if you were- okay? You looked upset at the meeting earlier.” I ask, keeping my voice soft.  
“Oh- no, I’m alright, don’t worry about me. I just let stress get the best of me, that’s all.”  
“Are you sure? Is there anything you want to talk about? I mean- you don’t have to if you don’t want to.”  
“No I’m fine but thank you for asking though.”  
“Alright, um, I’ll probably be in my dorm if you need me.” I go to leave, a little awkwardly but then Hermione chirps up a little.  
“Actually, wait—”  
I turn back around, letting go of the door handle.  
“Um I guess there is a few bits I would like to talk about.”  
“Okay, go ahead.” I smile comfortingly.  
“Please, take a seat.”  
“Um, there’s not another chair.” I chuckle lightly.  
“Oh, just sit on the table.”  
I take a seat on the edge of the desk. Hermione sighs heavily.  
“few months before the Battle of Hogwarts, Ron, Harry and I were caught by snatchers and taken to Malfoy Manor. You must’ve only been a month or two old at the time so I doubt you’d remember anything at all.”  
“I don’t really remember anything from before I was four or five… it’s all very blurred but I guess that’s natural.”  
“Yes, very. I hardly remember anything from before I was five either.”  
“Please, continue.”  
“Your mother, she had reason to believe we had taken the Sword of Gryffindor from her vault at Gringotts.”  
“Did you?”  
“No, the one in her vault was a copy, a fake. But we had already found the real one and so she believed we had taken it.”  
“I think I know where this is going…”  
“Ron and Harry were taken to the cellar but Bellatrix kept me with her upstairs. She tortured me to get any information I had out of me.”  
I can see the colour drain from her face and her eyes filled with fear. Merlin knows what it was like for her. I had it used on me so many times I was used to it. It still hurt like hell each time but I could tell when it was coming so I had time to prepare myself. But for her she wouldn’t have known. “You don’t have to talk about it anymore if you don’t want to.”  
“No, no. I should explain the rest. Talking about things helps me.” She gathers herself up again. “It’s just a very difficult thing to forget, you know?”  
“Yeah, I know…”  
“The reason why I walked out earlier is because I’m scared I’ll have to face her again during the coup. I’m scared I’ll lose someone else. I’ve lost my best friend and so many other people I cared about already and I don’t want to lose anyone else.”  
“It’s okay, I know how it feels too. I was scared to go back to the manor because I was afraid I’d come across my mother.”  
“She’s an awful woman… How can two people as cruel and cold as them have a daughter like you?”  
“Is that a compliment?”  
We chuckle lightly. “I’m just saying, how can Lord Voldemort and Bellatrix Lestrange have a child as- like you?”  
“I don’t really know myself. Well, they didn’t raise me, Rebecca did. And I guess she just raised me right, you know?”  
“She definitely did.”  
“And because of her raising me her own way rather than my parents, I’m not surprised I didn’t have a lot of friends at school And that I turned out gay.”  
“You weren’t popular were you?”  
“Not at all. Got a few stares every now and again but I mostly spent my time out of lessons in the library or my dorm with like one or two other people. And then just myself for my last two years. Brina disappeared when I was in fifth year. My only other friend drifted at the end of third year. She wasn’t even really a friend anyway. So, I just kept to myself. I had my guitar and music though.”  
“Music and a guitar? You managed to get both of them in Hogwarts?”  
“Record players. They’re allowed as long as they aren’t loud. I was allowed to use the music rehearsal rooms for my guitar as my dorm complained it was too loud. But being the Dark Lord’s daughter does come with some privilege I guess.”  
“Ah, makes sense. What kind do you like?”  
“Pop-punk, metal-core, heavy rock, stuff like that.”  
“Hmm, that’s what the muggles call ‘emo’ is it not?”  
“Yeah. You’re the first witch I’ve ever met who even knows what emo is.”  
“I do keep up with the muggle world you know.”  
We both laugh for a moment. “Right, I best be off.”  
“Yes, you should, it’s lights out soon.”  
“Are you feeling any better now?”  
“A little. Thank you for coming to chat though, I really appreciate it.”  
“Anytime, I’m happy to listen if you ever need someone to talk to.”  
“And the same for you, if you need anything, come up here and we’ll have a chat.”  
“See you tomorrow at the announcement.”  
“Goodbye, get some sleep. You look exhausted.”  
“I’ve been writing a letter for the past week.” And then I suddenly remember, pulling the envelope out of my pocket and handing it to Hermione. “It’s for Brina.”  
“Perfect. I’ll send it off with my next letter to her.”  
“Thank you so much.”  
“Right, go to bed.”  
“Yes, I will.” I laugh, sliding off the edge of the desk and walking out. I close the door gently behind me and walk back down the stairs towards the dorm where Teddy is lying in bed reading.  
“How is she?” He asks as I pick up a clean shirt and a pair of trackies and head to the bathroom to change.  
“Better than earlier. I think she’s okay now, she seemed cheerful before I left.” I shut the door but am still able to hear him.  
“You were over there for a while, what did you guys talk about?”  
“Don’t think it’s my place to say but she’s just worried about the coup. We just had a chat about a few things you know?”  
“Understandable. Are you worried?” He asks and I stop in my tracks. “Delphi? Are you okay in there?”  
“Yeah, I’m fine. And to answer your question, yes. I am worried. Not as much as I should be. It hasn’t really sunk in. What about you?”  
“Same as you, hasn’t really hit me yet. A few weeks-time it’ll hit me like a bus though.”  
“A bus that’ll hit us both.” I finish changing and walk back into the bedroom, throw my other clothes into a pile on top of my dresser and I fall back onto my bed. “I’m going to sleep now, I’m knackered.”  
“Do you mind if I keep the light on for a bit? I want to just finish this chapter.”  
“Yeah, that’s fine. Be quick though. You’re lucky I can sleep with he light on quite well.”  
“Thanks.”  
“Night mate.”  
“See you in the morning.”  
I shut my eyes and pull the sheets over me and try to drift off to sleep. It takes a bit of tossing and turning for half an hour or so before Teddy finally turns out the light and that does it for me. And so I then drift straight off to a surprisingly heavy sleep.


	47. The Return to the Ministry of Magic

19th December 2017 – Age 19

It’s about twelve at night and I finish packing my bag for tomorrow and hang it off the back of the desk chair with Teddy’s. I’ve packed light again, practically the same as last time although my way out this time will hopefully just be through my wand. I don’t have access to sharps or medicine still and the fact that my overdose didn’t work last time makes me doubtful that it will this time. However this time I hope that I will make it out alive. I’m more hopeful about this one. Don’t get me wrong I am scared shitless again, possibly even more than last time but I have hope. Last time I was with just one other person, this time I have about sixty-five others with me. And we outnumber the other side. By quite a lot. So I am slightly more optimistic about this time. Still terrified, but hopeful.

I sit down on my bed and pull the sheets over me, settling down for what will probably be a sleepless night. I flick my wand and the main overhead light turns off leaving my bedside lamp glowing a soft orange. Teddy comes out from the bathroom and climbs into his bed and lies back. An hour or so passes by and we’re still awake. Really, we should’ve been asleep a few hours ago. Hermione told us to get as much sleep as possible as we get up at five for final preparations and we leave at half six for the Ministry. We should really be getting as much rest as we can. Instead, we just chat softly, our vices tired and quiet as so we do not disturb anyone else. They wouldn’t want to be kept up the eve of a coup attempt.  
“What’s scaring you the most about tomorrow?” He mumbles.  
“Most of it. But mainly being that I might lose someone else. And it could be any of you guys, You, Hermione, Luna.”  
“I get you… it’s scary thinking about.”  
“What about you?”  
“The whole thing frightens me really. Just the whole idea of it. But the most, probably the fact that I don’t know what’s out there. I haven’t set foot out of this place since I was fifteen. Furthest away I’ve been is a few miles outside on patrol.”  
“You’re not missing much, I promise.”  
He chuckles softly. “Anything else?”  
“I turn onto my back, sighing. “It’s the same as Hermione, I’m more worried about coming across my Mother than my Father.”  
“How come?”  
“Have you met her? She’s brutal. She’s scared me shitless from the age of four.”  
“You said she wasn’t really a mother at all.”  
“Not at all. And I was by far her greatest disappointment in life. I was just something she could take her anger out on.”  
“Jeez…”  
“I was more scared of my mother than I was my father. At least Father showed mercy when he wanted to. Mother hardly ever did. There’s only two times I can remember where she did just let me go without any harm. I was terrified of her as a kid. I mean- I still am. But she was- abusive- in a way…”  
“In what way? Physically? Mentally?”  
I pause realising suddenly. She was both. She hurt me, tormented me and bought down my self esteem and made me feel like nothing. She WAS abusive. “Both…” I reply, my voice breaking ever so slightly. There’s a long moment of silence between us.  
“Let’s get some sleep. We’ve got a long day tomorrow. Night.” I finally break it.  
“Good idea. See you in the morning.” And so we turn the light out, trying our best to drift off.

***

20th December 2017 

My eyes open suddenly to the sound of the alarm clock going off and it makes my empty stomach drop in fear. I sit bolt upright and I make an attempt to steady my breathing. Fuck. The day is here and I am scared. Very, very scared. I look over and see Teddy is still asleep despite the alarm clock ringing out loudly. I get up and walk over to his bed. I shake him gently and he groans, beginning to stir a little.   
“Teddy, we need to get up.” I whisper softly.   
“What time is it?” He grumbles, stretching.  
“Five. We need to get ready. I’m sorry about waking you up.”  
“No, no don’t worry about it. If you hadn’t, I’d probably sleep for another few hours.”  
We take turns getting changed in the bathroom and getting washed. I change into some jeans, a tunic and pull my jacket over the top. I quickly brush through my hair and tie it up into a ponytail before pulling my boots on and doing up the laces. I grab my bag and lay my cloak over the top of it and slide my wand into the side of my jeans. Teddy slings his bag over his shoulder and takes his cloak as well, running his fingers through his fluffy blue hair.   
“Ready?” He asks.  
“As I’ll ever be I guess.” I sigh and we walk out onto the platform where a handful of Order members are emerging onto. Teddy and I walk up to the board room where Hermione and Ron wait for us.   
“Morning.” Hermione greets us, her voice filled with nerves.  
“Morning.” I yawn slightly.  
“God you both look knackered. When did you go to sleep?”  
“One maybe?”  
“You’re planning on killing the Dark Lord on four hours of sleep.”  
“Last time I tried I had two. I think I’ll be okay.”  
The door opens again and the other three emerge through the door. George and Ginny look as tired as we do but McGonagall looks like she’s slept perfectly. I mean, she isn’t coming with us anyway but she’s in-charge here whilst we pull this off.  
“Sorry we’re a little late.” Ginny apologises.  
“No, no, you’re perfectly on time.” Hermione brushes it off. “Are we ready then?”  
“Not really, but I guess we’ll have to be.”  
“I’m just scared.” I say, my voice dry.  
“I think we all are. This is a big moment for the Order. A big moment for all of us.”  
We all nod in agreement as I sling my cloak around my shoulders, doing up the clasp. Last time I put this thing on was my last attempt to kill my Father. It’s the one Rebecca made for me. It makes my stomach twist and twang. I’m doing this for her.  
“Come on, we need to make the last few announcements to the Order.” We follow her out and walk down a level or so before we stop. The rest of the Order fills up the ground floor and the levels, those who are joining us on the floor and dotted around the lower levels. Teddy, Hermione, Ron, Luna and I are in a group together as we are the second group going in. George, Ginny and a handful of others are across from us. They’re the first to go in, they’re the decoy group. They are aiming to get caught in order to be able to get us in. Hermione thinks it’s an okay idea. I, on the other hand, am unsure about it. I see her point and where she was coming from but personally, I think they’re sacrificing themselves. The other sixty or so are doing their final preparations. Every single one of them has a part to play in this, even those who are staying here. We need people to protect this place in-case they send an attack on here. We cannot leave this place defenceless. With McGonagall in-charge, no one will get through that trapdoor, she will protect this place with her life.

In all honesty, I don’t feel entirely just scared anymore, I don’t feel entirely nervous. I just feel numb. Numb from the thought of everything going to shit again. We’ve worked for this for so long and I’ve been waiting for this for over a year now. I don’t want to lose Hermione, I don’t want to lose Teddy. If he dies, then I don’t know what I’ll do. Just the thought of him not being in the dorm room with me makes my heart ache and my mind fear for the worst, sending me into a deepening spiral of thoughts. I try so hard to shut the images of Teddy’s body lying stone cold dead on the floor and I grab his hand in fear, squeezing it tightly. He squeezes it too, his fingers cold. I don’t care what happens to me. I couldn’t care less if I am six feet under the ground this time tomorrow. All I want is for my Father to be dead and the rest of these guys are safe. That’s all I want. That’s all I ask to come out from today. Lord Voldemort dead, the Order alive and safe. Teddy alive and safe. 

Hermione makes a final few announcements, running through the plan one last time before the chattering in the shaft dies down. I glance around at everyone’s faces. They’re all pale, worried, scared, numb. I don’t blame them though. I feel all of what they’re feeling. I know sort of what to expect, they don’t.   
“Thank you, and here’s to the Order of the Phoenix. And an equal, free world.” Hermione’s voice trembles slightly. There’s a pause before there are cracking noises every now and again as I watch handfuls of people dissapparate, group at a time. And slowly, group by group, everyone vanishes until it’s just the five of us. 

Hermione turns towards us. “Let’s go.” She says, holding out her arm. We all take hold of it before the world then collapses around us and the feeling of being squeezed through a tube returns and my stomach churns within me. But before I know it, we’re stood outside the entrance to the Ministry of Magic where two Death Eaters are collapsed, lying unconscious on the ground. That only makes eighteen more. The first group must’ve gotten in successfully. The sight of it reassures me slightly. It’s a good sign, it means the plan is working, it means we’re a step closer to our goal. We do not delay and walk in, pacing quickly down the main atrium. It’s completely deserted, no guards, no workers, nobody. The only sound is our footsteps on the black tiled floor below our feet. The further we get down the atrium, the more my fear begins to set in. My palms begin to sweat as I grip my wand tightly, my heart beat begins to accelerate steadily within my chest. I’m scared. I’m really fucking scared. I’m terrified of just knowing it could all be a repeat of May. Rebecca… Her screams echo ominously through my head, making the hair stand up on the back of my neck, more pain in them than I remember. It’s just my head messing with me, it’s all in my head, I reassure myself but it’s not working. I see the flash of green dance across my vision every time I close my eyes to blink. My stomach flips and I don’t let my eyes shut for even a millisecond. Teddy taps me lightly on my shoulder and makes a gesture asking if I’m okay. I nod in reply, getting my head back down and my focus back on the task at hand.

We continue down the still abandoned, empty halls, not a person or Death Eater in sight. It’s quiet, too quiet even. But I don’t question it, it’s good I guess. We pass another set of guards slumped against the wall on the floor, out for the count and we creep past, making as little noise as we physically can. We received information this morning that my Father is in the Grand Hall, the Auditorium. It’s where he usually spends the winter months anyway. It’s abnormally warm in there for such a huge space. Hermione, Ron and Luna split off after a few more turns. They’re going to hijack security which is just off to the left. Teddy and I on the other hand are left to fend for ourselves, Teddy is to help me get to where my Father is before helping Hermione and the others. I have the task of actually finding and killing my Father. However, from what I know, I think I should be okay. For now. The Auditorium doors creep closer and closer, my fear building up more and more within me but physically, I feel calm. Apart from my racing heartbeat, my breathing is steady, I feel stable and my knees do not feel as if they will buckle beneath me. I breathe in through my nose and out through my mouth. I’m not used to this, I don’t like it in fact. Something is wrong, I know it. But I don’t question it, we just keep walking. And soon enough, we reach the entrance to the Auditorium, the tall dark oak doors towering above us and the silver handles glinting in the bright overhead light. We look around, there is not a Death Eater in sight.  
“Do you want me to stay with you?” Teddy asks.  
“No, it’s okay. You have your own job anyway, it’s vital. And I don’t want you to get hurt.” I reply, my voice dry and shaky.  
“Are you sure?”  
“I am.” I wrap my fingers around the cool metal on the door handle, breathing deeply. “Go.”  
“Alright. I’ll see you later, okay?”  
“Goodbye Teddy.”  
“No, it’s not goodbye.” He rubs my shoulder, “It’s not the end. I will see you later.”  
“See you once this son of a bitch is dead.”  
He nods before going to walk back to where the others are but I call behind him, my fingers slipping off from the door handle. “Teddy.”  
“Yeah?” He walks back over and I pull him into a rather panicked, scared but comforting hug. We stay with our arms wrapped around each other for a moment.  
“Thank you, for everything.”


	48. Pleasure in Another Person's Pain

20th December 2017 – Age 19

I inhale deeply as I wrap my fingers around the cool metal of the door handle, grasping my wand in my other hand, ready for whatever may be on the other side of the door. I take one last glance around to check if I am still alone. And I am. This is it. This is what I’ve been waiting for, where I either change society for the greater good or I die at the hands of my own Father. I am so fucking scared but so calm at the same time, I don’t know how I can describe it. It’s like an anxiety at the pit of my stomach that is trying to fester its way upwards but something is pushing it back down, cancelling it out even. But I fight it back myself and take one final heavy, deep, trembling breath before I push open the door. 

My stomach lurches unexpectedly as I step inside and the door closes behind me, a loud clanging sent through the Auditorium. The walls are bare unlike on Voldemort Day, the place feeling empty, less royal and less intimidating now that it isn’t filled with my Father’s followers. The only thing on the walls are two black banners bearing the Dark Mark and that is it. The December morning light streams through the glass dome above on the ceiling as my footsteps echo off the bare walls. There is a long, dark oak table on the platform with several chairs with Dark Mark banners hung off the back of them around it. They are all empty, the entire place is empty. I’m the only one in here I think. 

I walk up onto the platform, sliding my hand across the smooth, glossy surface of the table and glide around to my Father’s chair, the most elaborate out of all of them. I take a seat in it, just to spite him. I trace my fingers across the carvings on the arm rests, the wood shining from the light above. I sit there filled with somewhat pride at myself and how ironic it is that I didn’t want to take my Father’s place on the throne but yet here I am, sat in it voluntarily, waiting for him to arrive. I stay in the chair, waiting, the anxiety in my stomach building but I still remain calm on the outside. I just wait, and wait and wait for him to come. Waiting… waiting… waiting… 

And then I hear the door creak open and shut again, a clanging echoing through the room again. A set of footsteps approaches me slowly, the spacing between each pace perfectly equal. And that’s how I know he’s here.   
“I had a feeling you would turn up here again, sooner or later.” Father calls. I turn my head, my heart beat now accelerating with each step he takes towards me. “I thought you were dead for a while. Until two of my followers spotted you and the Lupin boy in the Welsh mountains. I thought you’d killed yourself and they had already disposed of you by the time I received your note.”  
“Did you enjoy reading it? That you drove your own child to suicide?”  
“Oh I very much did. I took pleasure in the fact that you were the one who took your life, not me, not your mother, not any of my followers, but yourself.”  
I do not rise to his bait, I do not say a word in reply. I won’t let him take advantage of me. I just watch as he reaches the table and stands behind the seat beside me.   
“I believe that is my seat.” He spits and I clench my jaw but do as he asks and I stand up out the chair, facing him. “So, why don’t we get down to business?”  
“Yes, why don’t we?”   
“Well, you and your friends did a good job at taking out my guards. I presume you’re here to kill me.”  
“How could you guess?” I reply, sarcasm and anger seeping through into my words.  
“You won’t do it though, will you.”  
I poise my wand, clenching it so hard the rough edges dig into my palm as the tip hovers an inch from his neck. “Try me.”  
He simply laughs. “You think you’re so threatening don’t you? I know you won’t do it. You never could do anything anyways, could you? I was half-convinced you were a squib until you were ten.”  
I try and supress the urge to scream out in anger in his face. I won’t let his words get to me. I won’t let him work his way into my mind and undo it from the inside. He’s manipulating me,  
“You were a complete and utter disappointment, Delphini.” He raises his voice, his tone turning icier and harsher. “You wonder why you never saw me when you were a child?”  
“Because you didn’t give two shits about me, that’s why—”  
“Because I couldn’t stand the sight of you. Neither could your Mother.”  
I find it almost impossible to hold back my tears at this point. My hatred, my anger and my fear of this man are getting too much. Each word he spits manages to tear down any of the little progress I had made in recovery as he continues to insult me, belittle me. It’s taken almost six months to rebuilt my mind, to make some form of progress in recovery. But it’s all collapsed in under six minutes. All it takes is words from my Father’s mouth. 

He takes out his wand and casts a vicious curse that throws me to the ground. The impact of my body hitting the floor knocks all the air out of my lungs as Father holds my torso down with his foot. He presses down hard, the heel of his shoe digging deep into my skin and the force so hard that my ribs feel as if they will snap at any moment or with any tiny increase in pressure on them. I kick, flail and grapple at trying to pull his foot off of me as I scream in panic, hot tears streaking across my face. I gasp for air, the panic and fear of being held to the floor overtaking my consciousness. “No- No, Father—” I grunt and gasp in hysteria. But Father simply pushes down harder.  
“You shame the family name!” He shouts. “You are a disgrace to this world, you are WORTHLESS to me!”  
“Father—” I choke on my tears and on any air that I can get into my lungs. But then he withdraws his foot and I gasp for air, my ribs aching, relived but still in absolute hell. I get only a second or so to catch my breath and recover before he yells, “CRUCIO!”  
A shock of pain is sent through me, worse than it has ever been. It sears, burns, stings, stabs at every point on my body. I flail in agony, screaming and my tears now burning my face. This is worse than the last time I had this curse on me, and even then, it was utter agony. “STOP! FATHER, PLEASE!” I cry out, the excruciating pain still shooting through me and scalding me like fire. All I hear is his laughter, filled with menace and pleasure at watching me suffer before him, and that he is the one causing it. And then he drops the curse. The pain suddenly stops but reminiscence of still twang within me. My body relaxes but still trembles as I breath heavily, my lungs struggling to fill any more than half-way.  
“Get up, you traitor.” He spits. I manage to gather enough strength to haul myself up slowly, my entire body quaking. “Look at me.” He grabs my chin and forces my head up so that I make eye contact with him. “That look, it’s unnatural. You’re disgusting, the way you look at other women as if they were a man.”  
“Shut up—”  
“And what was her name again?” He continues to taunt me, “Brina, that’s it.”  
He doesn’t dare. How dare he bring her into this. This is between me and him. She may be alive and safe but it does not make his words sting less.  
“She was a blood traitor. She was not worthy of magical education, magical status. You may be worthless to me but despite that, she was not worthy of you. She wasn’t worthy to have even lived in the first place.”  
And at that moment, I snap. Everything snaps. Everything that had boiled up within me turns into rage and I let it out on him, pulling away and throwing a curse towards him which catches him off guard and topples him off balance. But he returns a bolt himself which I narrowly miss. We begin to duel, beads of sweat forming on my forehead in the heat of the moment, deflecting curses and charms. He is a strong, skilled dueller. I am much less than average but I can still manage to hold up for a moment. But he catches me out and I am thrown straight into the side of the table with brute force. I hit the edge of the table straight in the centre of my back and I collapse back onto the floor. My ears ring and I gasp in pain, my back throbbing. But I must keep going. I have to finish the job I came to do. I must finish it. I try to regain any strength I can muster to get myself back up. It’s slow and painful and I groan in pain as I use the table to pull myself back up.  
“Look at you, can’t even hold up a duel!”  
“You are the Dark Lord, and according to you, I am just no one. No wonder I couldn’t hold it up. If you ever cared about me you’d know I was never skilled at duelling.” I stammer. “You never cared, and I know you never loved me. But a few others did.”  
“Of course I never loved you, how could I love such a useless piece of shit as you? Your mother never did either. You were simply just in case for some reason I did not survive. However, I did. So you were no longer needed, you were useless and you still are.”  
Come on Delphi, now’s your chance. Brina’s voice echoes in my pounding head.  
You can do it. I know you can. You’re not useless, you’re brave, you’re strong. Rebecca’s voice whispers to me, intertwined with Brina’s words. You’re smart, you’re bright. You are worthy of everything and more in this world.  
“You simply proved yourself more and more disgraceful and incompetent as you grew.” Father taunts, “I despise you, I always have. I wish you dead.” He laughs wickedly, caught up in his own ego and the joy he is getting out of degrading my self-worth and finally speaking his mind on me.  
DO IT DELPHI, NOW!  
COME ON, YOU CAN DO IT!  
NOW!  
Prove that son of a bitch wrong. Prove your father wrong.  
I take a deep, shaky breath, channelling every ounce of strength I may have left. I take the pain from my body, from my mind, use it to my advantage. For Brina, for Rebecca,, for the greater good. I am strong, I am not useless, I am alive for a reason, I am loved. I am stronger than that mother-fucker could ever think. And then I shout the two deadly words from my mouth, “AVADA KEDAVERA!” and the bolt of bright green light strikes my father in the chest. The wicked, joyful grin that was plastered on his face is struck off and is replaced by a look of absolute terror. His eyes widen as do my own, both of us in shock. I watch as his knees buckle beneath him and his body gives way and he falls to the ground. The dark light fades from his eyes as I hear him breath out his final ounce of air from his lungs. And then he lies there, stone cold, stone dead. My Father is dead…

I stare at his body for a moment, my eyes fixed on him and I can’t seem to pull them away. I exhale shakily, the terror somehow leaving my body. I drop my wand in shock which awakes me from my trance as it clatters on the wooden floor beside my Father’s body. I bend down slowly to pick it up from the ground. I still stare down at his body, a strange, empty feeling in me now, like I’ve fulfilled my purpose. I don’t feel guilt whatsoever. He fucking deserved it. He deserved it from the very moment he set foot on this earth. And I take pure pride in the fact that I am the reason he is lying dead on the floor. The fact that it was me who killed him. And it brings me so much pleasure knowing that. It brings me so much pleasure. So much it’s slightly scary. But I like it. It’s enjoyable, the pleasure I get from seeing him dead at my feet.


	49. The New Ministry Of Magic

20th December 2017 – Age 19

I slide my wand away into the side of my jeans again, my eyes still locked onto my Father’s body. I don’t feel remorse whatsoever, in-fact, I take immense pride in the fact that I have gotten this far, that he’s dead. After everything I’ve been through, all the pain and torment. I’ve been through hell and back just to be able to stand over his dead body. I take one final look at him, laughing slightly to myself, a coldness seeping through. I turn away at last but take my wand back out from my pocket and poise it up at the banners on the walls. I shout a curse viciously and both of the banners tear off and fall to the floor. I walk back down through the Auditorium again, pushing the door open and I walk out, filled with an abnormal amount of pride. The door slams behind me again before I turn to face two Death Eaters. I put my hands in the air, dropping my wand. I do not care what happens now, my job is done, I am finished playing the game. The pair grab me forcefully and march me down the hall. I am simply numb now, numb to what they say to me, numb to the voices in my head, numb to the last words my Father said to me and the fear as to what will happen next. The sound of the world is faded out and muffled to me. But it doesn’t matter anymore, it’s not important.

I presume I am being taken down to the cells again. If I wasn’t I’d be dead by now and they would’ve done it as soon as they set their eyes on me. I just hope that Teddy’s okay. I haven’t seen him or anyone else. I just want them all to be okay, that’s all I ask. I want them all to be safe, but the only thing I can do is just hope that they are. As I am dragged around a corner however, we stop abruptly. Ron and Luna are stood, blocking the corridor, their wands raised. I can’t help but let a small grin creep across my face, the light inside me starting to glow with hope again.   
“The Ministry is now under the control of the Order of the Phoenix.” Ron states, firmly. “Let the girl go and surrender or face Azkaban.”  
They’ve done it. They’ve actually done it. Holy shit… I gasp a little, smiling. And the pair quickly oblige to him, letting me go and Ron pulls their wands towards him, catching and pocketing them. “That’s what I thought. Follow me gentlemen.” They take a glance at each other before obeying and walk a few paces in-front of Ron who leads them down the hall.   
“Delphi, are you okay? Did you- is he dead?” Luna rushes towards me.  
“I’m okay, don’t worry. He is. The Dark Lord is dead.” I reply. And then she pulls me into a warm, thankful, relieved hug. And it’s nice, Luna does give very nice hugs…  
“Where’s- where’s Teddy?” I stammer, still in a small state of shock. “Is he safe? Is he okay?”   
“He’s fine, he’s with Hermione and a few others down the hall.”  
“Oh thank God.” I sigh in relief, letting the final weight of worry and stress on my shoulders wash off. He’s okay, he’s safe.   
“Go, go find him, I’ll be fine.”  
We pull apart and I nod in reply before I set off down the hallway, starting at a fast walk. I soon break into a jog but after a moment, I find I am completely legging it down the corridor, rushing past occasional handful of Order members.  
“Teddy?” I call, peering over the growing crowd. “Teddy!?”  
And then from within the depths of the crowd, I hear a voice from the back. “Delphi?” It’s him, it’s Teddy. I spot his bright turquoise hair pop up every few seconds above everyone else’s heads. I push my way through towards him.  
“Delphi!” We run into each other, almost toppling over in the process before we pull into a tight, shaky hug. I sigh in relief, my heart still pounding in my chest from my sprint down the hallway. “Oh my God, you’re safe.” I stammer.  
“Are you okay?” His voice still trembles slightly with fear.  
“Yeah, I’m fine. I’m okay.”  
“You did it, didn’t you?”  
“I did. He’s dead.”  
“Holy fuck, you did it!” He cheers, the pure delight in his voice replacing the tone of terror.  
“Yeah, I did—” I smile, “I did it.”  
“We’ve managed to overthrow, we have control of the Ministry, Hermione’s plan worked.”  
“Does that mean—”  
“Yeah! We finally can have the world we wanted. It’s not just a dream anymore Delphi, it’s becoming a reality.”  
“It’s done. And that means—” I pause, realising and my heart leaps up in the air in my chest. “That means I can see Brina again…” I feel tears prick at my eyes in happiness but I still laugh, “I can see her again after almost four years.”  
“Are you okay?” He laughs a little too, the whole situation so unbelievable, none of us can really process it.  
“Yeah- just- I can’t quite believe I’ve even made it this far. I didn’t even think I’d make it past December last year and well, here I am.” I chuckle lightly, “And I did what I came to do. And I survived.”  
“I am so FUCKING PROUD of you Delphini Lestrange!” He pulls me into yet another hug, squeezing me tightly.  
“Uh, Teddy, I can’t breathe, and my back hurts.”  
“Oh, jeez I’m sorry.” He lets go again. But instead I wrap my arms around him and bury myself into him.   
“Thank you for everything.”   
We stay like this for a while, the world still and quiet, time freezing and sound muted.  
“Come on, we should find Hermione.”  
“Where is she? Luna said she was with you.”  
“She’s gone to the old Minister of Magic’s office to try and start setting up some form of order. And she’s holding a meeting in the Cabinet room later as well.”  
“About what?”  
“I have absolutely no fucking clue. Probably a run through of the plan for the next few weeks or something along the same lines.”  
“Hang on- I don’t know if you know, but have they found my Mother?”  
Teddy pauses. I look at him, deadly serious. “Um, I don’t know, maybe. But I’m not sure, I’m sorry…”  
“Don’t worry about it for now. I’m sure they’ll find her sooner or later.”  
“Come on, let’s go find Hermione.”

***

We six gather in the cabinet room, chattering and murmuring from all of us around the dark oak table. The Dark Mark banners I once remember being in here are gone and the window at the back of the room lets in a surprising amount of light, brightening the place up after the last twenty years. Hermione clears her throat, getting our attention back onto her. The room quickly turns quiet in anticipation on what she has to say.  
“Thank you all for attending on such- short notice.” She begins, a rather wide smile on her face. “Now first, I would like to take a moment to congratulate all of you in this- legendry victory. Never in my dreams did I imagine we’d be sat here today. And it’s down to all of you and every single other person inside the Order and those working on the outside.”  
We clap politely but cheerfully and I let a smile widen onto my face whereas Ron, Teddy and George are slightly over enthusiastic. They cheer rather loudly, whistling an ear-aching high pitched whistle with their fingers. I do have to cover my ears and I elbow Teddy, laughing.  
“Thank you- thank you guys,” Hermione chuckles, regaining the silence she had, “No, obviously, we need to decide on a few things. New laws, new Hogwarts staff and curriculum, Death Eater trials and last but most definitely not least, Ministry Positions. And that is the first thing I would like to allocate, the positions of authority. We need a minister, head of each department and Head of Security.”  
Murmuring emerges again however, Hermione does a quick job at silencing us. “I have suggestions, suggestions which I have planned over the last few years in-case we ever did fulfil this fantasy. Just things I have daydreamed about but over the last year, I believe they are the most suitable for the roles at this moment in time. If you disagree with any of them, we may discuss an alternative so please feel free to speak your mind.” She pauses, picking up a rather rough sheet of parchment covered in scribbles and a list of names and roles, clearing her throat again. “To begin with, I have decided to allocate Ronald Weasley the position of Head of Magical Law Enforcement.”  
Ron’s face lights up with pride and we applaud in agreement.   
“Head of Magical Education and also acting as Headmistress of Hogwarts, Minerva McGonagall.”  
We again clap, however, McGonagall isn’t here but we still applaud out of agreement. Hermione allocates a few more spots including Teddy receiving Head of Magical Creatures Control. I’m happy for him, he loves magical creatures, always going on about the different ones he’s seen over the years and the surprising variety there is in the woodland around the Order. I’m glad he gets to finally work with the things he loves.  
“And finally, I’m not sure if you will all agree with me but I have allocated- myself, as Minister until we find a permanent candidate or host an election. Is uh- is that okay with all of you?” She asks, nervously, visibly worried for what our reply will be.  
“Sounds great to me.” I smile, I’m more than happy to have her as Minister, not just temporarily either. She can lead, she has proved herself to be one hell of a leader, one who somehow finds the strength to keep our hopes up, even in darker, dangerous times. And she does a bloody good job at it. And everyone else agrees and there are nods of approval from every person sat around the table.  
“That settles it then, I guess.” She pauses, swapping her current sheet of parchment for a different one. “Secondly in this meeting, I have a list of new, revised laws that are to come into place as soon as possible, hopefully within the next few weeks.”  
“All muggle borns, alive and passed, are to receive justice for any hate or prejudice they have received under Voldemort’s rule and are to be viewed and treated as equals. This then now means any witch or wizard, pure-blooded or not, has the right to receive magical education. The LGBTQ+ community within the wizarding population are to receive equal rights and same-sex marriage and relationships are to be legalised. This means they too, are to be viewed as equals under these new laws.”  
The smile on my face grows wider than it already was, another wave of relief washing over me. Finally, I can love who I love without fear. I can be myself, I can be who I am and be treated as an actual human being rather than how I have been treated in the past.  
“Any hate crimes towards any minority, blood group or the community will result in trial and may result in imprisonment. The Hogwarts curriculum will also be reformed to a new, muggle-inclusive one and a new full set of teaching staff will be employed. And finally, Death Eaters will face trial and punishment for any use of any one of the Unforgivable Curses, which will again be illegalised, the old laws on their use and punishment coming back into place. Any Death Eater found guilty of their use or harm to others, including torture and murder, will receive a life sentence in Azkaban where Aurors will replace the Dementors as guards.” She pauses for a final time. “I know it’s a lot to take in at the moment but we need to have an idea of what progress we need to make in the first few weeks of our control. But I believe that’s it, any questions?” There is silence, everyone glancing at each other. “No? Okay. Thank you all for your attendance, I look forward to our next meeting.”  
We applaud again for the final time before we get up and leave. I go to walk out with Teddy but I feel someone tap lightly on my shoulder. I turn around and it’s Hermione. I gesture to Teddy that I’ll be out in a minute. The room clears before the door shuts again.  
“I just wanted to say thank you. For everything you’ve done to help the Order. We wouldn’t be stood here if it wasn’t for you.” Hermione says.  
“And thank you for what you’ve done to help me. I would probably be dead if you hadn’t found me then. For the first time in months, I- I am starting to feel again.”  
“You think you’re finally on the mend?”  
I think so. At last. We’ll just have to see how the next few months play out I guess.””  
“I’m glad you’re getting there. Come here…” She hugs m gently being careful of my back which is still rather sore and achy.  
“Um, off-topic but- did you find- did you find my Mother?”  
“Hermione pauses, anxiously, before replying dryly, “Yes… We did…”  
“Where is she?”  
“In the holding cells awaiting trial with the rest of the Death Eaters.”  
“Okay. When do you think that will be?”  
“I’m not sure at the moment, it’s going to take a while to sort everything out and finalise the roadmap for the next few months. It should be soon mind you. When we have a date, I’ll inform you.”  
“Understandable. Alright, can I uh- go now? I just killed the Dark Lord, I’m tired.”  
“Of course, go, get some sleep.” She laughs, squeezing my shoulder slightly. “Oh, one last thing.”  
“Yeah? What is it?”  
“How do you fancy teaching at Hogwarts?”


	50. An August Night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> includes moderate sexual content, please feel free to skip this if you are uncomfortable with it <3

August 2013 – Age 15

My eyes flick open as I awake to a gentle tapping on my window. It’s pitch black and I grab my wand, muttering “Lumos.” And the tip glows a soft blue. I look over at the clock, One in the morning. I go back to bed but the tapping just continues and begins to get annoying so I take a look outside, treading over to the window carefully. Peering through the curtains, To my surprise I see Brina stood on the ground below, throwing pebbles up onto the glass. I throw open the window and stick my head out.  
“Brina! What the hell are you doing here!” I whisper-shout.  
“I said I’d come and visit, did I not?” She starts to climb up the wall and to my window.  
“It’s one in the morning, my parents-“  
“Screw them.”  
“If they see you here, they’ll kill us both.”  
“When was the last time you saw them?” She laughs.  
“A week ago?”  
“Exactly.” She reaches my windowsill, a persuasive smile on her face. “So, can I come in?”  
I give in, sighing. “Come on then.” I give her a hand getting in and she clambers through the window but stumbles on the floor making thudding sound. “Shhhh!”  
“Sorry.”  
“How on earth did you even get here? You live literally the other side of the country to me!”  
“I’m staying at my grandparents for a bit, we’ve got a load of the family over. They live in the next village. Only a twenty minute walk or so.”  
“Do your parents know you’re here?”  
“They think I’m camping in the garden with my cousins. The older ones are covering for me as long as I cover for them tomorrow.”  
“You sure they won’t rat you out?”  
“Positive. We do it all the time. They sneak off to parties, I cover. They owe me a few favours.” She takes off her shoes and I close the window again, shutting the curtains. She kisses me softly on the lips as a little hello.  
“Jesus, you’ve got a big room.” She chuckles.  
“Shhh! Rebecca’s room is just down the hall from here!”  
“Oh, sorry.”  
“Come on.” I lead her over to my bed and she climbs in happily beside me and I pull the sheets over us. It’s chilly for a mid-august night and Brina’s body against mine is very much appreciated. She wraps her arms around me and I snuggle up into her, her warm breath brushing against my cheeks. And then I remember.  
“Brina, I forgot.”  
“What did you forget?”  
“My parents. They’re away.”  
“No way! When did they leave?”  
“Yesterday morning apparently. They aren’t back for a week. I didn’t see them leave but I presume they definitely aren’t here.”  
“Well, we’ll take it that they aren’t. What about Rebecca?”  
“She’s a heavy sleeper most nights. Nothing wakes her up.”  
We both laugh, I take my wand from my bedside table and flick it, the door clicking locked and the oil lamp on the table lighting up with a warm orange glow.   
“Just us.” Brina smiles. I look her in the eyes for a moment before we press our lips together, grasping each-other’s bodies. We sit up as our kissing gets quicker, more intense, more intimate. She cups my cheeks with her hands and an excited tingle runs through me again. We continue to make out, breathing heavily between each kiss and holy fuck it’s amazing. She plants kisses all over my neck and it feels so good.  
“Brina-“ I gasp slightly. She stops.  
“You okay sweetie?” She asks.  
“Can you take my shirt off for me.”  
“I was about to ask you the exact same thing.”  
I grasp the thin material of her shirt and slip it off over her head and throw it to the floor. I stare at her chest, in utter awe. I’ve seen it a few times before but today, wow. “You’re- you’re so gorgeous.”  
“No, I’m sure you are more.” She slips her hand under my shirt and pulls it off, dropping it on top of hers in a pile. She traces her fingers across my chest. “Holy shit. You’re even hotter than I remember.”   
“I’m all yours.”  
“Thank you my darling.” She locks her lips against mine again, her tongue pushing through and pushing me down back onto the bed.  
“Holy-” I murmur through my heavy breathing. “Can you choke me?”  
“Anything for you.” She smiles, placing her hand round my throat, pressing the sides gently and oh my god, it feels amazing. “You can still breathe can’t you?”  
“Yeah I can, don’t worry.”  
“Good, just checking. Anything else you want?”  
“Do whatever you want.”  
We continue making out rather intensely and I still can’t get over the feeling of it, the feeling of her skin against mine, just everything about her. I love her. I adore this girl with my whole entire heart. “Shit…” I gasp. “Fuck me.”  
“Literally?” She laughs, a dead serious grin on her face.  
“I want you, I want all of you.” I moan.  
She sits up on top of me. “I know we’ve never really done this before.”  
“I don’t care, there’s a time for everything.”  
“Well, if that’s what you’d like,”  
“Is it what you’d like?”  
“Yes, yes and yes.” She rubs my collar bones with her thumbs. “Do you mind if I take my trousers off though?”  
“Of course. But only if you do mine.”   
She unzips her trousers and yanks them off before doing the same to mine and throwing them on top of our shirts, an ever growing pile now forming. I run my hands across her smooth thighs, pushing her down beneath me. “My turn.”  
“Oh so you do have some top energy after all?”  
“Wanna find out?”  
“Why not?”  
“What do you want first?”  
“Anything, you decide.”  
I kiss her chest, biting ever so slightly. “You’re so fucking beautiful.” I gasp, going back in and making out again. But I don’t feel very confident, I’d rather be under her than on top. “Can you get back on me though?”  
We switch positions and she stares at me, smirking cheekily. “Darling are you ready for more?” She whispers in my ear.  
“Fuck yes.” I moan and lie back, Brina running her hand down my thigh up to my crotch.  
“You’re so pretty it hurts.” She mumbles, her fingers tracing the inside of my thigh and I push my tongue back through her lips, feeling the warmth from her skin and her fingers playing with the lace on my underwear, pulling at it.   
“Take them off please.” I tell her and she strips them off. This night is about to get fun…


	51. A Mother's Plead To Her Daughter

December 2017 – Age 19

It’s three days after the coup succeeded and I am going back and forth between the Order hideout and the Ministry of Magic to help bring over everything and clear the place. We are still going to keep it in use for Aurors and other organisations that work around the country. But obviously, we all need to take our stuff out unless we wish to stay there. None of us really have a place to go, I don’t, Teddy doesn’t. The two of us are currently staying in a room in the Leaky Cauldron on Diagon Alley and we’ve been eyeing up a flat down the street for the two of us to let out until we find a more permanent solution and whilst I am training as a Professor. I’m currently sat on the edge of Teddy’s desk, eating a pot of ready noodles, watching him as he sorts out his new office. The noodles were the only thing I could get my hands on but to be honest, it’s nice and warming as the place has a chill about the air. Hermione has asked to see me in her office this afternoon so I have some time to kill as I finished my shift in helping collect stuff out the hideout.   
“Do you know why Hermione’s asked to see you later?” Teddy asks me.  
“No, probably just something to do with finishing up collecting stuff or teacher training.”  
“I can’t believe you agreed to that.”  
“Neither can I really. But I don’t know what else I’ll do. I’m going to pick my guitar back up I know that but I need to get an actual job.”  
“Do you know what you’ll teach?”  
“Definitely not potions I can tell you that.” I laugh, “I was about a mark off failing it. I’ll probably teach Defence Against the Dark Arts or Charms or something.”  
“Hm, sounds good. What time is the meeting?”  
“Like two I think? What’s the time now?”  
“Five to.”  
“Oh fuck.” I choke on my noodles as I finish my last bite of them. I take the fork out and place it down on Teddy’s desk and throw the pot in the bin.  
“Hey, I don’t want noodle juice on my desk!”  
“You let me borrow that fork, I don’t know where you’d want it.”  
“Go, it’ll take a while to get around there, I’ll sort that bloody fork out.”  
I slide off the desk and walk out Teddy’s office and down the hall towards Hermione’s. It feels weird calling her Minister now after being so used to calling her Granger or just Hermione. Minister Granger, it has a ring to it I think. I wander quickly down the hallway and take the stairs up to her office and after a short trek, I arrive outside and knock on the door gently. There’s a pause before the lock clicks and the door opens. I step inside and see Hermione sat behind her desk, a warm fire crackling in the fireplace as she fills in her paperwork.  
“You asked to see me, Minister?” I ask.  
“Oh, please, you don’t have to address me like that. Please just call me Hermione.” She chuckles lightly.  
“Sorry.”  
“Don’t worry about it. Anyway, glad you could make it, I know you’ve been busy these past few days.”  
“And yourself.”  
She reaches over to a dish and takes a purple wrapped sweet from it, holding it out to me, “Toffee?”  
“No thanks, I just had a pot of instant noodles.”  
“Can’t beat a pot of those can you. Are you sure though?”  
“Oh, go on then.” I give in and take the toffee and slip it into my pocket to save it for later.  
“Now, you’re probably wondering why I asked you here.”  
“You never tell me why, I just sort of turn up. I don’t expect anything because it’s always something unexpected.”  
“That is very true. You know me too well.”  
“Well, I am curious to answer your question.” I laugh lightly however Hermione’s face soon turns serious again and I stop laughing.  
“As you know, your mother is currently awaiting trial. However, I don’t think we may need one after all.”   
“What- what do you mean?” I reply, my confusion spiking.  
“She is already meant to be serving a life sentence under the old laws and you’ve witnessed so many of her atrocities.”   
“But—”  
“Delphi, I know this is a big ask but- I would like you to be the one to decide her sentence.”  
I freeze over, unsure of how to feel and still processing and picking apart her words. “I’m sorry?” I look at her in pure and utter shock.  
“I want you to decide your Mother’s sentence. You’ll come to a much better decision than any jury. I trust you to come to a judgement and a decision based on what you believe is justified for her crimes. You’ve witnessed so many of them, not just on others, but on yourself.”  
A handful of questions play on my mind, pulling at all the loose ends as my brain slowly processes her words. There is a moment of silence as I try to think it all over. “Let me see her. Then I’ll think. I want to see her before I make a judgement. I can’t promise you it will be any time soon though.”  
“That’s absolutely fine. I’ll see what I can do. I don’t want you going down their on your own though.” But as she says this, Ron walks through the door eating some sort of sandwich.  
“Ah Ron, just in time.” She smiles.  
“Just in time for what?” He mumbles through his food.  
“Could you take Delphi down to the holding cells for me?”  
“What’s she done?”  
“Nothing you idiot. She wants to see her Mother.”  
He pauses for a moment before nodding, “Yeah, don’t see why not.”  
“Thank you.” She smiles at me and I return a small one myself. I follow Ron out and down the hallway and down several flights of stairs.  
“Why are you going to see her may I ask?” He asks.  
“Hermione wants me to be the one to decide a sentence.”  
“Damn. How come?”  
“She thinks I’ll make a better judgement than a jury would because I’ve been one to witness some.”  
“Ah, okay. Seems fair I guess. You’re revenge?”  
“No not revenge, just justice.”  
“You seem unsure about it.”  
“I- I just don’t really know how to feel about it. You know?”  
“Yeah, I get what you mean. You know you should feel one way but you feel the other way too.”  
“Yeah, exactly like that.”  
We arrive to the entrance of the cells and a guard blocks our way. “I’m sorry I can’t let you past.”  
“Oh, I’m Ron Weasley, Head of Magical Law Enforcement.” He puffs put his chest a little with pride as he says this.  
“My apologies. Who’s this with you?”  
“Delphini Lestrange, she has direct permission from Minister Granger.”  
“What is your business here?”  
“I’m here to see Bellatrix Lestrange, my Mother.” I answer him.  
“Alright, thank you. You can go through.”  
The guard steps aside and flicks his wand. The heavy iron door swings open and I feel my heart throb in my ears with nerves. The back of my neck feels hot and the nerves and memories of this place are starting to come back. I tread down the stars, knowing that last time I was in here was when Rebecca was killed and I almost died myself. I hate knowing that and I try my very hardest to push the noises and images out from my head. But I can’t help but stare at the exact spot where that deadly bolt of green light struck Rebecca’s chest. A wave of numbness and nausea washes over me as I walk down past the cells, not taking my eyes from the spot on the ground. But my trance is broken by a voice from the end of the hall.  
“Delphini?” A familiar voice calls out. I walk towards it knowing who that voice belongs to. I clench my jaw tightly, curling my fists and digging my nails into my palms.  
“Delphini?” She calls again and I stop outside a cell of five men plus my Mother. She scrambles over to the bars at the sight of me, almost in desperation.  
“Oh Delphi…” She reaches through and attempts to grab my hand but I yank it away and draw my wand, poising it with the tip an inch away from her hollow face.  
“Don’t touch me.” I growl, harshly.  
“Delphi, love. What are you doing here?” There is desperation in her voice as I crouch down in-front of her. But I’m not fooling for it, I’m not fooling for any of it.  
“I’m here because Hermione has asked me to be the one to decide your sentence, Bellatrix.” I say with a harsh, icy tone, scarily similar to the one she used on me. “And don’t think you’ve been shown mercy because you aren’t having a trial. I won’t show any. Because you never shoed me any. And don’t call me love. You never loved me.”  
Her face breaks as she again grabs my hand forcefully, her cold fingers wrapping around mine. Instead of pulling away again, I allow it, unimpressed and uncomfortable. I am not intimidated by her. She is utterly powerless now, she is not threatening or frightening. She’s fishing for my sympathy, for my affection.  
“No- no, Delphi- I love you, I always have, you’re my daughter, you were the best thing that ever happened to me—”  
“STOP IT!” I shout, finally losing my temper, breaking. “You know some of Father’s last words to me were that you neither of you ever loved me. I was useless to both of you after he won at the Battle of Hogwarts. So don’t ever think that I will believe you when you say that you love me.”  
“Your Father, he lied to you, I swear. I love you…”  
I scoff, tears starting to fill my eyes. “So the way you show your love to me is by torturing me? shouting at me every time you see me for anything you pick up that’s slightly out of order? You tore down my self-worth so much that it’s been seven months and I’ve not even got a fraction of the way on building it back up. You were one of the things which drove me to hurt myself. You’re one of the reasons why my arms look like I’ve been dragged across barbed wire. What a great way to tell me you love me.”  
“Delphi- I—”  
“You called me a disappointment, you told me I shamed the family name, you told me I was disgusting for falling in love with my best friend, you told me you had no hope whatsoever for me.”  
“Darling, please. I do love you, I truly do.” I spot a small, possibly genuine, possibly fake tear roll down her cheek for the first time in my life. But this only makes me angrier.   
“No! Don’t you EVER call me ‘darling’! You don’t love me, you never fucking have. And neither have I. You and Father are the reason I thought Brina was dead. You have hurt me, abused me, torn down my self-value and drove me to the extreme to cope. And I can NEVER forgive you. So if you think for one second, I will show you mercy, just remember what I’ve just told you.”  
“Then kill me.” She mumbles, pitifully. I pause, tightening my grip on my wand and thinking. I could, I would. I would do it, I have enough anger within me to kill her four times over. But I pull my hand away. “No. I won’t. I definitely could. But I won’t. Because then I would have shown you mercy.”  
“Take my mind! Take my memory! Make me forget who I am!” She’s genuinely begging. This isn’t some trickery, she’s genuinely pleading now.  
“No.” I say firmly. “You’ll go back to Azkaban. You’ll live with the fact that you did this to yourself. You destroyed your won daughter. I was alone for years and years. The only two people who cared for me are either dead or uncontactable. And even then, I thought she was dead. All because of you and Father’s ridiculous laws. And now he’s dead. I killed him. Oh I wish you had seen it. I take pleasure in the fact that I was the one to kill him. I want you to see what I went through. I want you to feel my pain and how alone I was. You bought this on yourself Bellatrix. So you can stop pretending that you ever gave a shit about me because I know that you never- fucking have.”  
And in that moment, I put my wand away and stand up. I turn on my heel and walk back out the door, my words to her still repeating in my head. My mind may be a mess at the moment but at least I have made my decision on her sentence. I walk out, tears in my eyes, the fact that she denies it all hurts so much. I hate it. I hate her. I despise her. Ron turns to me as I walk back through the door.   
“How was it?” He asks.  
“I despise that woman. I hate her, I hate her, I fucking hate her.”  
“Come on, let’s go back. Where’s Teddy’s office again?”  
“I don’t want to fucking see anyone. I need to be on my own, I’m sorry Ron.”  
“That’s okay. Do you want to stay in my office for a bit?”  
“Yes please.” 

*** 

Ron shuts the door behind him, leaving me alone in his office. It’s an absolute mess in here, there is paperwork everywhere and crates of books and other junk cluttering up the place. But I couldn’t really care less. I haven’t felt this shit for almost three months now. It’s so bad that I’m getting urges to hurt myself again. And I really don’t want to. It’s scary, I haven’t had them this intense for months and it’s so hard to resist. The conversation between me and Mother keeps replaying over and over again in my head and I fucking hate it. The nerve she had to deny it when she knows that she did do it. She deserves the sentence I have decided. I want to kill her, I want to march back down there to kill her, make it a slow and painful death. I’d suffocate every last drop of life out of her, I’d watch as the final light leaves her eyes, I’ll watch as her blood drains from her body and stains the floor a murky scarlet-brown. And I will take pleasure in doing so. 

Delphi, what the fuck are you thinking about!? I break out from my trance, realising what I have just been thinking, realising how disturbing and dark my desires just got. I pause, taking a deep, trembling breath through my tears. But I grab the handles of a crate and throw it across the room, yelling as I do so.   
Paper flies all across the floor and the crate smashes as it hits the wall on the opposite side of the room. The pile of wood falls to the ground and I pant, breathing heavily and quickly. The noise within my mind finally quiets down after I take all my anger out on the crate. I’m just glad I didn’t take it out like my brain had told me to. I drop to my knees on the floor, burying my head into my hands and sobbing into them, screaming out to get the final bits of anger out.   
“Why weren’t you ever a proper mother…” I sob. “Why would you do that to me and deny it? Why? I HATE YOU. I HATE YOU. I FUCKING HATE YOU.” I scream, my throat stinging and sore. “I hate you. I hate you so fucking much.”   
And then in the middle of my now calming hysterics, I hear the door creaks open. But I don’t react, I don’t even flinch like I usually may do. I just sit there, hot tears soaking my face, oblivious to the footsteps walking towards me. I feel them tap on my shoulder gently. I look up at them, my eyes sore and red. It’s Teddy. I pull him down onto the floor with me and hug him tightly, burying my face into his shoulder.  
“Hey, shh. It’s alright…” He comforts me, his voice soft. “It’s okay. You’re okay.”   
We stay there in silence for a moment, still, everything quiet and calm.   
“Do you want to tell me what happened?” He asks.  
“Just my Mother… Hermione- she asked me to decide her sentence. I went to see her as I wasn’t sure. I shouldn’t have gone- I shouldn’t.”  
“What happened?”  
“She just- manipulated me, she denied everything. She told me she loved me when she never has.”  
“Oh, Delphi, I’m so sorry… You didn’t deserve any of that…”  
“And I kept having these thoughts after. I wanted to kill her, I wanted to watch her die painfully. And I would’ve take pleasure in it. It’s just scary…”  
“I know. But you’re okay now. You don’t have to see her again. You’re okay.”  
But then my ears prick up at a second set of footsteps walks in. I still stay hugging Teddy tightly though.  
“Delphi?” Another familiar voice says. One familiar enough to grab my attention. I pull away from Teddy slowly and look up. A woman with shoulder length, chestnut hair and a set of thick-lensed glasses, shrouded in a teal trench-coat stands in the doorway. My heart jumps in the air, skipping a beat in the process and I think I actually forget to breathe. My eyes widen as I realise Brina Evettes is stood in the doorway.


	52. Snow Showers

December 2017 – Age 19

It takes me a moment to process who is standing in the doorway and I have to blink a few times to make sure that I’m not seeing things. And I definitely am not. Brina is stood there in the flesh, a fearful look on her face. But as I suddenly manage to process it, my heart skips a beat or two. I swallow, trying to form the words I wish to say but nothing leaves my mouth as I simply stare at her in shock.  
“Hello Delphi.” She smiles, still fear on her face and her voice is shaky. My breathing resumes and I just stare at her in shock.   
“Brina?” My voice breaks slightly, my throat sore. “Oh my God…”  
“Are you alright? I can um- I can come back later.” But instead of answering her question, I jump up and throw myself into her arms, sobbing again. She drops her bag and it thumps to the floor. I simply let myself melt into her, feeling the warmth of her body against mine, comforting me. My tears soak through her jumper as we both collapse to the floor. She clutches me tightly, stroking the back of my head softly. I feel a small flame of happiness relight within my soul, a beacon of hope and joy. I physically can’t describe how I feel right now. It’s all a great big mess of emotions, most of which I can’t seem to pick apart from one another. But it’s all just a tangle of them.  
“I thought- I thought you died—” I stammer. “I thought you were dead until a few weeks ago.”  
“I know, I got your letter.” She smiles. “And I thought why not deliver my reply in person?”  
“Hermione- she said it wasn’t safe for you.”  
“It wasn’t, not with your Father still in power, it was would have put us both in danger if I had come back.”  
“Just please- don’t leave me again.”  
“I won’t… I’m here to stay. I promise.”  
“You don’t know how much that means to me.”  
“I promise, I won’t ever leave you like that again.”  
“Did you know what it was like Brina?”  
“No, I don’t… It must’ve been so hard thinking I was gone. But know this Delphi,” She cups my cheek with her palm, the tips of her fingers cold on my skin, “Every single day, the first thing I thought of was you. I’d think of what it would be like to one day be able to wake up next to you every morning. I’d check the papers for any updates as well as keep in touch with Hermione.”  
“I- I saw you every-day, I’d speak to what I thought was you. I was grieving for years, Brina. I tried to kill my Father to avenge your death. And then there was the whole thing with Hermione hiding it all from me.”  
“Oh Delphi…” She kisses my forehead softly. “I wanted to find you, I really did. But like Hermione said, it was just too dangerous for us. You have to understand that it was to keep us both safe. I would’ve come straight back if it was safe for me to do so.”  
“No, I understand it’s just—”  
“I know.”  
There’s a moment of silence between us as we smile at each other. Her eyes are as blue as I remember. I always thought of them as the bottom of the ocean, deep and vast and filled with wonder. My eyes are however still red with tears, sore and tired from all my crying.   
“I’m sorry, I’m an absolute state right now.” I apologise.  
“No, it’s okay don’t worry. You shouldn’t have to apologise for it.”  
“No, it’s just- I went to see my Mother and I really, really regret it now and everything is all a bit- much- for my rather tired brain to handle.”  
“Delphi, it’s okay. You don’t have to keep apologising.”  
“Sorry.”  
She laughs softly, tucking a strand of hair behind my ear. “So did you ever- find anyone else?” She asks, a little nervous for my answer.  
“No. I couldn’t do it. Plus with the whole being on the run thing. I didn’t even think about it. All I could think about was you… What about you then?”  
“Neither did I, I waited so I could see you again. So we could be together again.”  
“I honestly still can’t quite believe it all, you know? After all these years?”  
“Yeah, I know.”  
“I just missed you so fucking much.”  
“So have I. I’m just so glad we can finally be together again. And it’s all down to you and the Order.”  
“I love you, Brina Evettes.”  
“And I love you Delphini Lestrange.”  
She kisses me softly on the lips, a tingle running through me and down my spine, feeling the excitement that I haven’t felt for years. And I love it. I love her, I love that I love her, I love feeling this way about her.  
“Get a room you guys!” Teddy laughs, mockingly.  
“Oh sod off Teddy.” I joke.  
“I’m uh- gonna head out. Just uh- make sure you use protection.”  
“Teddy, one, we are on the floor in Ron’s office, two, we are both women.”  
“I’m just saying.” He smirks and walks out, winking round the door as he closes it.  
“I’m really sorry about him. He’s only joking right?”  
“I don’t exactly have a uh- place to stay.”  
“I’m sure we can squeeze you in our room at the Leaky Cauldron.”  
“Thanks.”  
“Um, can you kiss me again?”  
“Of course.”  
And she does, her ink lips locking with mine and she pulls me in towards her. The same excitement runs through me again, the tingling sensation in my body returning.   
“Oh, I have missed that.” I whisper quietly through our lips.  
“More than you know.”  
“So, what happens now?”  
“Could we start by having a cup of tea?”  
“Of course.”  
She stands up, holding her arm out and helps me up. My legs are a little shaky and do feel as if they will give way at some point but it soon fades away. I take her hand, our fingers intertwining together, our cold fingertips against our warm palms. Brina picks up her bag from the floor and slings it over her shoulder as we join Teddy outside.  
“We’re getting a cup of tea, want to come?” I ask him.  
“Why not?” He grins and joins us down the hallway and we walk out onto the street outside. Snow has started to settle on the ground, large, fluffy flakes falling from the clouds above our heads. We all pull our hoods up, wandering down the street in search of a coffee shop of some sort. It takes a bit of searching for one which is actually open and not packed to the brim but we get there after a twenty minute walk in the snow. It probably would’ve been a lot easier if we had just gotten the tube or apparated but I’m still a little funny with apparition. It’s got better but it’s definitely not my preferred way of travel. We find a small coffee shop which is relatively empty. We walk inside, a wave of warm air hitting us, shocking our frozen faces.   
“God it’s cold out there.” I shiver a little, pulling my hood down and taking out the remaining muggle cash I have until I manage to get some more. The three of us walk up to the counter and a young man takes our orders. A latte for Brina, a tea with milk for me and an espresso for Teddy. Plus a few slices of cake. He rings up the total on a cash register and I count through my notes and coins, mumbling to myself.  
“I’ll pay, don’t worry.” Brina takes out a ten pound and a five pound note and hands them over to the man who gives her a few pennies in change.   
“Take a seat and I’ll bring it over in a sec.” He says, smiling.  
“Great, thank you.” Brina replies and the three of us take a seat by the window, watching as the snow continues to fall, building up the blanket on the ground outside.   
“So, Teddy. I was wondering if it would be okay if Brina stayed with us?” I ask him.  
“Of course. We’ve been eying up that flat anyway. I’m sure there’s room for one more. Less rent to pay each I guess.” Teddy replies.  
“Where abouts is the flat you’re looking at?” Brina asks.  
“It’s above one of the shops on Diagon Alley. We’ll be staying there for the next year or so whilst Delphi does her training.”  
“Training? For what?”  
“Hermione has asked me if I’d like to teach at Hogwarts.” I respond.  
“Funny that. Because she asked me the same thing.”  
“No way. What are you thinking about teaching?”  
“Astronomy. It is my specialty after-all. I did not tutor you in it for four years for nothing. How about you, what are you thinking about?”  
“Defence against the dark arts. Or charms. Not sure but definitely not potions, that’s one thing.”  
“Your potions test answers were always rather- questionable.”  
“Oh shut up!” I laugh, elbowing her.  
“You thought Amortentia was a transfiguration potion!”  
“What?!” Teddy chortles. “You thought Amortentia was a transfiguration potion?”  
“That was one time! I did pass my potions OWL mind you. Only an Acceptable but much better than the Trolls I got in fourth year.”  
“Christ that was rough.”  
“Tell me about it.”   
The waiter brings our drinks and cake over and we take them off the tray, sorting them out. I sip on my tea slowly, blowing on it to cool it down.   
“That’s a bloody good cup of tea.” I place it down on the table again, taking a plate of cake and a fork. “What cake is this again?”  
“Walnut I think.” Teddy has finished his slice already.  
“You literally inhaled that.”  
“I was hungry. Unlike someone, I didn’t have lunch.”  
“What did you do with that fork in the end?”  
“I think it’s still on my desk.”  
“Ew.”  
“I don’t know what you’re saying ‘ew’ for, it’s your fork.”  
Brina looks at me, confused. I turn to her, saying, “Instant noodles.”  
“Ah. What kind? I like the Pot Noodle ones.”  
“I don’t know, a cheap pack I found at the back of the pantry in the hideout’s kitchen.”  
“How long were they in there d’you think?”  
“Eh, probably about five years. Good thing they don’t go out of date too fast.”  
“How’s the cake though?”   
“Not bad. Better than that shitty one we had on a Friday night.”  
Teddy fake gags, knowing exactly what I’m talking about. Every Friday there would be a weird, sponge cake with an unknown flavour icing on top as pudding. It tasted like cardboard.   
“That weird sponge cake? They’re still giving you that?” Brina laughs.  
“Yep, the very one.” Teddy coughs, taking a sip of coffee. “Served it every Friday night for as long as I can remember.”  
“Did people not complain?”  
“Yeah, but the excuse was rationing.”  
“Well, when I was cleaning out that pantry, there was plenty of stuff in there.” I chuckle. “They probably just can’t be fucked, you know?”  
“Probably.”  
We sit in the café for another hour of so before we leave a tip on the table and pull our cloaks back on, ready to brave the cold outside. I take Brina’s hand again, happily and we walk back down the street, the snow still falling, muffling the noise of the city. It’s nice. I really like it. I could get used to this, the three of us. Living with the woman I love and my best friend. I could get very used to this indeed. We carry on walking back to Diagon Alley and to the Leaky Cauldron. Once we arrive, Teddy offers to get another room if we want to have the room to ourselves. We say it’s okay and that the two of us can squeeze into a single bed but Teddy insists in getting another room. To be entirely honest, I think he thinks we might end up doing the deed at some point and he’d accidently walk in on us doing it. And I don’t blame him for wanting another room. And so he goes over to the desk to book another room as we go up to the one we already have. I unlock the door and shut it behind us, taking off my cloak and boots, hanging my cloak on the back of the door. Brina does the same. I sit down on the edge of my bed and Brina sits down beside.  
“You know last time we sat down on a bed together, you ended up on top of me and my clothes were on the floor.” I laugh, remembering the events from about four years ago.  
“You think I’d forget that? And that we almost got caught too.”   
“We did as well! Who was it who almost caught us?”  
“Wasn’t it Abby Hooper in the year above?”  
“Shit she was Head Girl as well.”  
“I am actually quite looking forward to going back to Hogwarts.”  
“So am I. Seeing as I never finished.”  
“Well. Shall we carry on what we started all those years ago?”  
“Of course.”   
And we kiss again, locking lips and Brina pushing me down onto the bed, crawling on top of me. We breathe heavily through each kiss, getting quicker and quicker. Brina pauses suddenly though, sitting up. I stay laid back on the sheets as she looks straight into my eyes.  
“What is it Brina?” I ask.  
“Nothing, just—”   
“What is it?”  
“I just forgot how beautiful you are...”  
A smile grows on my face and I bite my lip gently. She traces my face with her fingers delicately and tucks a strand of hair behind my ear again. Before she whispers in my ear:

“I love you.”


	53. Epilogue

August 2019 – Age 21

Brina and I are sat on a rug on the beach, sipping glasses of raspberry lemonade from a bottle we bought earlier. The warm August evening breeze blows through our hair and the waves lap softly against the shore. It’s surprisingly empty for this time of year but it’s nearly time for the muggle schools to go back so everyone has gone home. So, the two of us took advantage of it and decided we’d have a picnic before we leave to start teaching at Hogwarts in a few days-time. I’m nervous but rather excited. I’m looking forward to being with Brina and finally seeing some of the Order members again after eighteen months. But I’m nervous because of some of the memories attached to the place, some not necessarily being ones I wish to remember. But the positive memories seem to just about outweigh the less positive ones. So I take it with a pinch of salt and I’m actually quite looking forward to it. 

It’s been about a year and a half since the reform, I am now twenty-one, living by the sea with Brina and Teddy. We had the flat in London for a few months before we bought the place down here for the three of us. Teddy is away doing business with America and so the house will be empty for a few weeks after we leave tomorrow. A lot has changed in this time though. Everywhere seems almost- brighter, full of life and colour again. I’m not sure if it’s the new Ministry or if I’m almost better. It might be both, I’m not sure. The new laws came into practise within the first month of the reform, including the equality and muggle-born protection acts. Any discrimination towards someone who has muggle relations is not tolerated. It’s classed as a hate crime. An LGBTQ+ protection act also came into place and we now have the same rights, opportunities and privileges as everyone else, including marriage rights. There’s been no violence between the Ministry and Death Eaters, most of whom just now work for the Ministry. Dark Marks have simply faded to scars, scars have faded to skin. My own are still very much visible however, showers no longer hurt, I’m comfortable taking my jumper off in summer and I actually feel- happier. I still have some way to go, don’t get me wrong. Some days I still physically can’t even bring myself to get out of bed or I am one tiny inconvenience away from tipping point. But most of the time, I’m okay. I’m working through it slowly. Brina and Teddy help me on my roughest days when I physically can’t do anything else as I’m trying so hard but nothing works. But they are there for me, I am there for them. I manage to push through, may it be the next day or a week later, I pull myself back up towards the top of the hole. And I feel just- better overall, you know? And I like it, I like knowing that I am loved and that I deserved to be so. I can manage to go the entire day, moderately happy, no longer living in fear for my life and spiralling through ever single emotion possible. I am now learning to love myself, my body, me for myself. I’m won’t let others bring me down anymore.

Rebecca’s family did know she passed thankfully. Just didn’t want to be the one to break the news to them. I sent them a letter about it and I received one back saying that they knew. After I cleared hers and my own stuff from the Manor a few months ago, I gave hers all back to them so they could decide what they wished to do with it as it really wasn’t my place to do so. They were kind enough to let me keep some of it to remember her. I got a book photos of us over the years, a few of her records, a ring, necklace and her navy blue trench-coat. I took the record player and stereo from the Manor as well to use for our own music. The only problem is that none of can ever agree on what to listen to as we all like different things. The only thing we can agree on is that we have Queen playing at dinner.   
We all seem to like it so that’s what we play most of the time we’re together. I’m not allowed to play my heavy stuff as Brina says its too ‘screamy’ for her. But I think it’ll grow on her. I’m slowly enticing her back through Bring Me the Horizon’s discography. We’re currently on That’s the Spirit. She’s going to get a shock when we get to Sempiternal though that’s all I have to say. I’m quite excited especially seeing as it’s my favourite album from them. Brina on the other had is introducing me to Wolf Alice and Pale Waves. I like them I must admit but they aren’t my go to. The one thing we can all collectively agree on seems to be screaming the words to Backseat serenade by All Time Low. That is what we all end up doing if we’re drunk on a Friday night. It’s always great fun when our throats are dry from screaming the words to songs together between several bottles of beer, cider and vodka before one of us throws up. It’s usually me who ends up with their head over the toilet and Brina holding my hair out the way, drunk and laughing at me whilst Teddy stands outside with water, slightly more sober than us to try and sober me up. 

But, enough of that. I’m waffling now. The past few years have been interesting to say the very least. I’ve lost so many battles, I’ve some close to death, given up so many times. I’ve let the voices in my head win, burn out my soul, take control off my life. I’ve lost friends, family. But yet somehow I kept going. I’ve been through hell and back and somehow managed to find the tiniest bit of strength in me to keep me pushing through it all. And I’ve learnt that it does get better. It takes time and you’ll find yourself taking steps back but I promise, it does get better. I’ve learnt so many valuable lessons about myself and about life. That it really isn’t fair, it really sucks sometimes. But I’ve also learnt that I was never alone, even when I thought I was. You aren’t alone, you are loved and you are cared for. Someone will always, no matter what, be there for you. They can help you on your road to recovery. It’s a rough one, it’s long like a marathon. It will kick you back down and it will make you feel like utter shit but it’s so worth it in the end. You should not let some voice in the back of your head control your life, others words to you do not define who you are. Your scars, physical or mental, do not define who you are. They are nothing to be ashamed of. They show how hard you fought. I have battle scars myself, battles that I won, battles that I lost. I know how terrifying and difficult it is to try and get through the day. But I promise, it does get better. It gets so, so much easier. It gets better. And I swear that on the ashes of my soul.

Brina finishes a glass of lemonade and places it into the basket, closing the lid. “Want to go on a walk?” She asks.  
“Of course.” I reply, putting my glass back in there and we pack up the blanket and the basket. I slip my shoes back on and pull my jumper back over as it’s starting to get chilly.   
“Let’s drop this off at the house quickly, I just need to grab something.” She picks up the basket and we walk back down the road towards the house. Brina tells me to wait outside so I do as she puts the basket on the counter and runs upstairs quickly. She’s gone for about five minutes before she comes back downstairs and out the house again.  
“What did you need to get again?” I ask.  
“Oh, I just needed some more cash.” She locks the door again, “Come on, let’s go for a walk.”  
She takes my hand, locking her fingers between mine and we wander back down the road and back along the beach. The sky is turning a musky colour and the breeze blowing gently. It’s a very pleasant evening and it’s still light even at about nine in the evening. We walk along the promenade together, watching the waves lap onto the shore gently, the water still and calm, sea birds paddling around in the water or flying above or heads. They call out, as the clock chimes nine in the evening.   
“You looking forward to tomorrow?” I ask Brina.  
“Surprisingly, yes. I’m rather excited to go back. And taking the train with you up their again.” She chuckles, squeezing my hand gently. “I wonder if the Trolley Witch is still knocking around.”  
“She still was in seventh year. So, she probably is still going. She’s ancient now.”  
“Just hope the kids don’t take all the pumpkin pasties before she gets to us.”  
“Eh, I’ve kind of gone off them.”  
“Seriously? I can’t get enough of the things.”  
“Yeah, I’ve just gone off them in the last few years. I prefer the muggle versions.”  
We keep walking until we reach the pier. “You want to go on?” I ask her.  
“Sure, why not.” She shrugs and we walk down the wooden structure, watching the water beneath our feet. There’s nobody else on here, it’s just us. And it’s nice that it is. We wander all the way to the end and lean against the railing, watching the sail boats out in the bay moor up for the night and people start to row over to shore. I spot a dog in a boat with a couple, wearing it’s own little life jacket and I let out a little squeal, pointing it out to Brina who laughs at me for acting like a little girl.   
“Can we get a dog?” I beg, making puppy eyes at her.  
“You’d have to bring that up with Teddy.” She chuckles.   
“No, it can come to Hogwarts with us.”  
“Then you’d have to bring that up with Hermione.”  
“Can we at least get a cat?”  
She sighs, “I’ll have a think.”  
“If we get a boy, can we call it Frank?”  
“Why Frank? That’s a very random name.”  
“I don’t know, I just like it. But if it’s a girl we’re calling it Wendy.”  
“Wendy? You’re so bad at coming up with names. Just make sure you remind me to not let you pick baby names.”  
“Who said we wanted kids anyway?”  
“I’m not sure, I do but I don’t.”  
“I’ve never really though about it, you know?”  
“Yeah, like I can see us with a kid, but I didn’t know what you’d think.”  
“I guess teaching will make me decide if I like kids or not. I can’t deal with the screaming of toddlers and stuff. No thank you.”  
“Oh god no neither can I. My cousin had a kid three years ago or something and I can’t stand the thing. Once they’re Hogwarts age then they’re okay.”  
“Yeah. Well. We can take our teaching years to help us decide.” I smile, kissing her softly on the lips. She wraps her hands around my hips, pulling me gently towards her, the golden evening sun warming our cheeks. I tuck a strand of hair behind her ear before she kisses me again. We look out to sea again for a moment before she turns back to me.  
“So, Delphi. We’ve been together for almost six years technically.” She laughs. “You are truly the best thing that has ever happened to me. You are my word, my light and my best friend and the love of my life. And I want to spend the rest of my life with you, till we’re old and wrinkly and sitting in arm chairs in St Oswald’s home for old witches and wizards. I love you to the end of the universe and back. And so,” She reaches into her pocket, pulling out a small white box and getting down onto one knee.   
“Oh my God.” I gasp in shock, my legs shaking a little.  
“Delphini Rionarch Lestrange.” She looks me straight in the eye, opening up the box and showing a ring to me. “Will you marry me?”  
And without hesitation, I answer her question, not even thinking twice, not that I would need to. I love this woman with my entire heart, I owe everything to her. “Y-yes. Yes I will.”  
She takes the ring out the box, sliding it onto my finger. She stands back up and we kiss again, adrenaline and shock still running through me.   
“I love you so much.” I gasp through my tears. “I will be more than happy to marry you.”  
“So, Fiancé, shall we toast to the happy brides to be?”  
We take our wands out, muttering “Lumos,” together and the tips glow a soft blue. We pretend toast with them and they glow brighter as they tap each other lightly. I look at Brina, taking in everything and letting some tears run down my cheek. Happy tears.   
“Oh Delphi, don’t cry.” She wipes my tears from my face with her sleeve.  
“Sorry, they’re happy, shocked tears.”  
“It’s okay. I’m just glad you’re happy, that’s all.”  
“This is probably- the happiest I’ve ever been. Ever. Or for a very long time anyway.”  
“Same for me. the most scared, but the happiest.”  
“I love you so much.”  
“With my whole heart. And I will be with you always.”

Brina is one of the only reasons I am alive today. She was the one who helped me climb back out the pit of darkness I was swallowed in. She is my lifeline. She is the one who helped to relight the flames in my soul. She helped rebuild it up from ashes it used to be. And I am happy. I feel complete. And I thank her for that. I thank her for helping me to rebuilt the ashes of my soul. 

-End of Part Two-


End file.
